A Public Service Rant

Yesterday's shooting was senseless. I'm absolutely convinced that it was evil. It was an attack by Satan, no doubt.

I don't see this in anyway part of God's plan. I don't buy into the "everything happens for a reason" bull unless you count reasons such as, "I'm an inconsiderate prick" or "my stupidity and hatred knows no bounds." Other than that, I refuse to believe this was in any way part of "God's plan."

And I understand everyone's need to "make sense" of this. And to tell themselves that, "If this were happening... then this wouldn't have happened." Jesus and gun control seem to be the most popular of these.

And I agree with some and disagree with some. And if you want my personal opinion, just ask. Lord knows, I'm not afraid to tell it.

But since yesterday, I have seen the following picture WAY. TOO. MUCH.



No this isn't ironic. This is false.

And I have had enough of seeing it.

The Bible is not prohibited in schools. It is prohibited from being read to class by teachers during class. But if a student wants to read the Bible during breaks in class, before school, after school, during lunch...whatever... yeah, that's still allowed.

And did you know, students still pray at school? Yeah. That happens. And there aren't any Bible police coming through and thumping them on the heads for it. Nay... it is encouraged.

And did you know, there are teachers who sponsor after school Bible studies... and they aren't doing it underground.

And there are still lots and lots of student organizations, with teacher advisors, that are centered around the one and only Jesus Christ?

Administratively led prayer and Bible time...that is what is prohibited. Not the Bible. Not prayer. Knock it off.

And... this picture that seems so popular... are you trying to get me to believe that they are putting a Bible in each and every convict's hands as they come in the door? Are they being forced to go to Bible study? Are the wardens shoving the word of God down their throats?

No. It is the exact same set up as we have in the public school systems. If they want to read the Bible, they can. If they want to pray, they can. That's it.

This picture and everything it stands for is a joke. Please think about what you are reposting.

And finally, this brings me to my last soapbox portion of this post... love.

Because it is frustrating to watch people miss the point completely. Again.

Love people. Truly love them.

This quote really hit home to me yesterday.

"In times like this, I want to ask God, why aren't you stopping the hatred and violence in the world. But I'm afraid He might ask me the same question."

If you see someone hurting. Stop and comfort them. Offer to pray with them. And if they decline, they can't stop you from praying for them when they are gone.

If you know of someone going through a hard time, do something for them.

If you know of someone who is struggling to make ends meet, pay for something for them.

If you are troubled by the amount of abortions happening in the world, adopt a child.

If you are troubled by the amount of hungry people in the world, do something to feed them.

If someone seems lonely, be a companion for them. Invite them somewhere. Let them know you care.

It is so simple. And we keep missing the point.

The biggest tool you have in your arsenal to fight evil is love. Unconditional love. Love that knows no bounds.

And remember, this is a battle. A battle. Which means bad things are going to happen. We have to know that. But we don't have to just sit back and accept it.

We can actively show love every. single. day. And every time you show someone love, you are combating the evil.

One person can't do it all. But every person can do something. Each small act of kindness we do has a lasting effect on the world. And if you get enough of them going at once, we will be unstoppable.

And if all of us who are outraged, hurt, confused, and grieving... if we all go out and love like we should be every day... we will see some profound change in the world. That, my friends, is the answer.

Why Sam will never trick or treat again

Because he is wicked smart, that's why.

He has figured out that on Halloween you have to walk to the different houses to get candy. And you have to talk to people. That's a lot of energy.

Screw that. Just go to a Christmas parade, literally stand in one spot, and people will come to you and give you candy. By the handfuls.

How are parades not more popular? It is much more efficient than trick or treating. The adults dress up AND bring the candy to you.

On the way, I was explaining what parades are to Sam and I told him he would see Santa. He asked, "what will Santa be doing?"

I said, "giving out candy."

He said, "and probably toys"

I said, "no. Probably just candy."

I was wrong. He got a football.

You know what else he got? 3 free tacos and a free round of golf.

Did you know that there was literally not one house on Halloween that gave us a taco. I might have wanted a taco. Now I'm forever ruined.

I'm totes going to be judgy next Halloween.

Anyway, here is a lovely picture of me smiling and Sam looking for more candy.

Oh Christmas Tree!

We decorating our Christmas tree on Monday night and I thought it deserved its very own post. Not because our tree is some decorating marvel or anything. Quite the opposite actually.

I love Christmas for the memories and the thankfulness and the sharing things with others. Everyone who knows me knows that I am not much for gifts. Thoughtfulness is much better. Sometimes thoughtfulness does come in the form of gifts, but I just like being mindful of others and their needs.

This is why I love our tree. People have gotten us ornaments for times in our life that we need to commemorate. And this turned into me wanting to mark each year with an ornament. So I buy Justin and Sam an ornament every year. And I put a lot of thought into it too. I want it to be somehow symbolic of the previous year.

So our tree is not color coordinated. We have no ribbons or tinsel. It is lights and meaningful ornaments. So... here is our lovely tree...

In this picture it looks crooked and oblong. I don't know why. 

So let's look at some of these ornaments...

I got this for Justin a few years ago. I think I was pregnant with Sam at the time. We both love Where the Wild Things are. I just thought this was the coolest ornament when I saw it. 

I bought this one for myself and Justin when I was studying abroad in Europe. These are from Amsterdam. I'm not sure I could express my love for the Netherlands in words. I really loved Maastricht the best, but they didn't have these wicked awesome shoes for an ornament so I just celebrated the country as a whole. I just love these. 

This ornament... I both love it and hate it. Mostly love it. It is as Elvis guitar. And it plays, "Santa Bring My Baby Back to Me". We got this because when I was pregnant with Sam, Justin kept calling him Elvis. It was this big joke (I keep telling myself it was a joke, but I'm pretty sure he would have named him Elvis had I let him... and no, Justin does not obsess about Elvis). Anyway, Sam now loves this ornament. Last year, he kept making it play. Several times a day. Over. And over. And over. This year? The same. Constantly. See video...

Listen really hard at first. We had some creepy Christmas music on. But you will hear Sam hit the button over and over and over. Then he dances to it. This is an every day occurrence. It is the first thing he does when he wakes up. And the first thing he does when he gets home. And he does it 50 more times before bed. Adorable and makes me want to punch a kangaroo at the same time. Wouldn't trade it for anything though. 

We have several other Elvis ornaments because people went a little cray-cray that year with the Elvis jokes. 

This is Sam's fat little hand print from his first Christmas. He was so chubby you can barely see the difference in his fingers. Good heavens I love that boy. 

Can I just say that this caught me by complete surprise. I got an ornament this year! Justin ordered me a Central Perk coffee cup ornament! I do love Friends and coffee... so it was fitting. I love it! 

Gena and I dressed all festive for the decorating and didn't even know it! Red and green pants, ya'll! And Sam really wanted in the picture. 

Speaking of Sam wanting to do things... He wanted to help hang the star. Apparently the star was Gena, lol.

I haven't bought Justin's and Sam's ornaments yet. I know I have to get Sam a police officer one because he has been OBSESSED all year. A few days ago he told me that the police officers got the bad guys and the bad guys gave Sam money and a high five. Uh oh. We went wrong somewhere. I know what I'm going to get Justin too but he reads this so it is still a surprise. 

Pumpkin Spice Pringles

Pumpkin Spice Pringles... these exist.

See...

Now most people would see this in the store and think, "Ew. Gross. That can't be good." And they would walk on and not buy them. 

What do I do? 

Think, "Ew. Gross. That can't be good. I have to try it." 

Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment. 

I tested them on Sam first. He loved them. See...

They were yummy in his tummy.

So I was next. And This Sunday morning, I chose no make-up and poor lighting to document the face I made when I ate this chip... but here you go world...

Easily one of the most flattering pictures of me to date that exists. Good thing I don't have self esteem issues.

And yet, it captures everything I feel about this chip.

They kept the saltiness of a Pringle and kept the sweetness of a pumpkin pie with the spice of a pumpkin pie... It. Is. Awful.

Whoever made these were high. Like Colorado high. In a Twinkie plant. Or they dropped some acid first or something... Heavens to Betsy these things are disgusting.

So when you pass by the chip aisle... and you wonder... go with your instinct. They ARE as bad as they sound.

Day 30: Inappropriateness

I love inappropriateness. Jokes... awkwardness... I find it all really funny.

And I love it. I love that a lot of people don't take life so seriously that I can't giggle when someone says something that warrants a, "That's what she said."

I love that there are people in my life who will bust me out when I say something that warrants a "That's what she said."

I love that there are people in my life who will send me the following pictures... knowing good and well that I will giggle like a school girl on teacher appreciation day.

Day 29: 2 year old manners

Men take note.

My son crawled in my lap yesterday to watch a movie. I thought that was sweet. What happened next took me aback.

Sam started caressing my boobs. Lovingly doting on them. I'm not kidding.

Me: Sam what are you doing?
Sam: rubbing
Me: stop it. You can't rub momma's boobies.
Sam: but I want to.
Me: lots of people want to. They don't get to either.
Sam: can I rub them?
Me: no.
Sam: but I like them!
Me: I'm sorry but no.
Sam: can I rub your leg?
Me: sure honey.

I will say, he didn't pay near as much attention to my leg though.

This got me thinking, what if all men acted this way?

See some boobs? Wanna rub them? And then just go with it.

I'm pretty sure a lot of men would be walking around funny a lot of the time.

Or how might the world go if every time a man wanted to touch someone's boobs, they go up to her and ask, "can I rub them?"

I mean, I get it, they are nature's pillows. But I don't think women would come out much if that's how it went down.

So today I'm thankful that this encounter happened with a two year old... Not forty.

Day 28: Matthew Boyd

After my post on #27, I get a message from Matt saying this sounded like a challenge to break into my car. Challenge accepted.

So I texted him to ask him if he wanted me to make sure to lock the doors so it was at least a challenge. He said yes.

Then I got this picture and a message that said, "done."

I have the coolest friends.

I will say this, I could go on and on about the blessing that Matthew has been in my life, but that kind of goes against the style of my blog and would be unfair to the other amazing people in my life. So you know who you are. And thank you.

Day 27: Pliers

In case you didn't know, I drive the sexiest car in the history of ever. A 1997 Honda Accord. Sexy.

The paint is barely there. As previously mentioned in another post on the wonders of Internet radio, there is a hole where my previous two stereos were. The lights will not come on inside the car. According to my sensors, the emergency brake is always on (it isn't). And there is a very large crack running the length of the windshield.

And I love this car. It is fairly reliable, it has no payment, and it doesn't use much gas.

Earlier in the summer, I went to turn on the air conditioner and I heard a loud crack. And the air conditioner temperature control nob came off in my hand. Fantastic.

Now I was stuck on full blast cold. Always. No bueno.

So what's a resourceful girl to do?

Most would say get a new nob. And they'd be wrong. That would take effort and me going to an auto parts store. Neither are okay with me. One takes energy I'm not willing to give. Scratch that. Both do.

So I drove myself to my local Walmart in sub zero temperatures (inside the car, outside was quite lovely actually) and bought myself some pliers.

Since I'm blogging from my phone, all pics are at the bottom, but I will make tomorrow's post about the person who slips a box cutter into my car so I can take the zip tie off my pliers.

Now check out this sexiness. The boys find me irresistible when I bust out my pliers.

Day 26: Benny and Joon

This has to be my favorite movie of all time. It is my go to movie when I'm feeling down. Or if I want to spend a few hours wrapped up in a blanket feeling good about humanity.

Here are a few of my favorite clips since it seems most of adult America does not know this movie (which if you are one them, correct this immediately).

Here is the trailer:



Where you fall in love with Sam...



Why raisins are the devil (even though my Sam loves them)...



I've always wanted to try this...



And lastly, easily my favorite scene...



I mean, you can't go wrong with a romantic love story about crazy people. And the movie starts with The Proclaimers singing "500 miles". Everyone loves that song!

It also helps that I named my son Sam and if I have a daughter, I'll want to name her June. This movie is just perfect.

Day 25: Sunday naps with Sam

I live for weekend naps with my son. Yes with my son. No, not just at the same time.

I don't remember how or when it started, but somehow we have come accustomed to eating lunch then taking a nap in my bed.

Sam lays on daddy's pillow. And to delay going to sleep he will do an assortment of the following things:

"mommy can I give you hugs and kisses?"

"mommy, will you share your pillow?"

"mommy, can we talk while we watch tv?"

"mommy will you wake me up?"

"mommy, I love you."

"mommy, when we get up, can we watch monkey?"

"mommy, can I hold your hand?"

I have to say, most naps we do fall asleep holding hands. It is awesome.

And when he wakes up and it isn't quite time to get up, and he crawls over and lays his head on my chest and falls back to sleep... Those days are the best.

Day 24: Tickets to the Gun Show

I like to square my son up against other adults to say silly things like, "I'll give you a knuckle-sammich!" or "I'll thump your gourd!" or "I'll clock you in the snot box!" things of that nature.

Last night we were eating with Justin's aunt and uncle and I tried to teach Sam to say, "did you buy the tickets?" to which his aunt said, "what tickets?"

Sam was supposed to make a muscle on his arm and say, "to the gun show!"

He didn't.

He did keep asking me if he could have a gun. And I kept explaining that there weren't any guns.

For the rest of the night and this morning that child has come up to me and this is our conversation:

Sam: can I play with guns?
Me: Sam we don't have any guns here.
Sam: but aunt Donna said we had to get the tickets.
Me: that was to the gun show. Your arm muscles are your guns.
Sam: no. I dont like those. I want guns.
Me: sorry. Those are the only guns we have here.
Sam: But I got the tickets!!!!

Day 23: Socks

At a very basic level, socks are genius.

Have you ever ran out the door for whatever reason without socks on? Especially in work shoes or tennis shoes?

Yuck. It takes about 10 seconds to realize the error of your ways. It magnifies the foot smell, the sole of the shoe sticks to your foot... Nothing. Sexy.

And then there is the fact of the matter that feet are cold 90% of the time, probably more for me.

Socks to the rescue!

And in the day we live in, you can get any socks you want. Tall socks, short socks, ankle socks. White socks, striped socks, spotted socks. Dress socks, athletic socks, stockings. There are even socks you can put each individual toe in (and for the record: ewww).

So thanks socks. I lurv you.

Day 22: Lollipops

My son inherited his grandpas hair (my dad). Thick and curly.

He also inherited me as a mom. Impatient and OCD.

What does this mean?

I can't be patient through the "my son looks like a beach bum" stage to get to the super cute curly hair stage.

Enter lollipops.

I can give Sam a hair cut without trying to cut an ear off or wanting to back hand him so hard he forgets his name because he won't be still.

No, no, no. I pop a lollipop in his mouth and cut away.

And now he looks like a handsome little man. #winning

Day 21: Pillows

Yesterday, during my Thanksgiving nap, it occurred to me that... Dang pillows are nice.

I mean, there is the genius of laying your head on a fluffy layer of relaxation, don't get me wrong. But I also can appreciate them for their drool catching properties.

Hi. I am Rikki. And I'm a drooler. Here is hoping my aunt isn't reading this as the nap was at her house.

Day 20: Groupon, Day 21: Safety Pins

Day 20: The Groupon

I'm thankful for these for a number of reasons, the main one being I'm cheap but I like food.

If you haven't discovered Groupon yet, then you don't know what you are missing. They get with local restaurants and stores and offer a group coupon (get it... Groupon... clever) and if enough people buy it, you get something for an extreme discount.

Examples we have bought are:
Half off to a restaurant
Half off to a restaurant
Half off to a restaurant
Half off to a restaurant

That's really all we buy. But it is like, "Get $20 of meals for $10" or "Appetizer, Two Entrees, and Two Drinks for $12". It is normally at least half off though.

And this isn't exclusive to Groupon. There is also DealChicken and DailyDeals. I get all three everyday and I am pretty good about only buying the ones we would use. So anyway... check it out!

The reason I brought this up today was because my wonderful, kickass "babysitter" (for lack of a better term) conned my child into staying the night with her last night (literally conned. As in, when he said he wanted to go home with Mommy, she said, "Well I guess Lilli and I will just watch tv and eat candy by ourselves." Conned). So I got home to just a husband. And I realize I used to cook for just me and Justin all the time before a certain little boy came into our life, but now if Sam isn't here, I'm like, "Ugh. Cooking is for cavemen."

Well we had a handy dandy Groupon left over from a few months back that we never used for a local Italian place. HOT DOG! I didn't have to cook last night. Groupon is awesome.

Day 21: Safety Pins

If I'm being honest, I love safety pins for three reasons.

1) I'm cheap and I don't like mending clothes. Example: I have a pair of pants that I love to wear and I find very flattering, but they are missing a button. I could sew the button back on, but at this point, I've lost the button. And this isn't just some button you can run down to Walmart to buy. It is a pretty distinct button. Since I'm not ready to retire these pants, I just safety pin them. Cheapness wins again!

2) They are just handy! For instance, I have a few tops that, let's just say, were built in a way that is not quite in keeping with my proportions. I literally had to send this text out the other day so that I wasn't the talk of the campus:

"Do you have a safety pin I could use? My boobs are winning the argument with my buttons and I need a mediator."

And you know what, I got a safety pin. Because other women also recognize the genius in safety pins. Crisis averted.

3) The alternative is a straight pin. And those hurt. No matter how you use a straight pin, it either hurts you or the poor fool who decided to hug you.

Day 19: My Toe Thumbs

This one is going to be kind of long but it is riddled with people making fun of me, so I hope you stay for the whole thing. You may be dumber as a result but no worse than an episode of Honey Boo Boo or the Kardashians. 

It all started one day in the 4th or 5th grade when I sitting next to my friend Clarissa (hi Clarissa!) waiting on the bus. I happened to see her thumbs and thought... wow those are weird. So I told her. Because I've always had tact. 

She then looks at my thumbs and freaks out. "No! You have weird thumbs!" Well I couldn't have this so we start comparing thumbs to those around us. 

I, in fact, had the weird thumbs. 

This caused some identity issues, admittedly. Now I was deformed. Bummer. 

So from that moment on, people started noticing my "toe thumbs." And they do. They look like toes. 

The computer hates me. It wouldn't rotate. Just bend your head sideways. You won't look as dumb as I do with toe thumbs! No worries. 

So as I progressed through life, people would look at my thumbs and laugh. When they needed a pick me up, when life wasn't going their way, I could look at them and show them my thumbs, and I guess they would be thankful that their hands were 100% hands and not just 80% hands and 20% foot. Lucky them. 

So on the way to church this morning, my wonderful husband catches notice of them. And wonders to himself, I wonder if their is anything on internet about your thumbs. 

I did not think there would be much. I mean, I knew that Megan Fox had been identified as a fellow toe-thumber... but that's about it. 

No. Not it at all. 

There is a toe thumb page on Wikipedia. WIKIPEDIA! 

There is a toethumb.com. This is apparently a SUPPORT GROUP for folks like us. And the people on this page are all... "I feel like I belong now!" Really? Is this necessary? 

In our Justin's research, we also found that the gypsies referred to this as MURDERER's THUMB. Murderer. I have the thumbs of a murderer apparently. 

Which bears the question, how crazy are you folk for making fun of them? Flirting with fate is what you are doing. I have the genes of a murderer. 

Just when we thought it wasn't crazy enough... like people really need to get a life and move on... we find this... 

http://www.inquisitr.com/25885/megan-fox-has-freaky-thumbs/

The first line is, "Would you still hit that?" 

REALLY?! My thumbs are sexy as hell. You'd be lucky to get with this. 

Would you hit that? I would hit you. On the head. With a hammer. A hammer tightly gripped with my TOE THUMBS. 

Assholes. 

Let this GIF play through. 

Also... there is a place on Facebook. To "Like Megan Fox's Toe Thumbs." 

Her thumbs have a following. Of 2,966 people. 

Damn near 3,000 have taken time out of their lives to like her thumbs. 

Maybe it's just me, but have you noticed her rack? Get a grip people. 

So all in all, I'm thankful for my very rare (only 4% of the world's population has them) toe thumbs. They are delightful. They are sexy. And they are truly hard to nab in a game of thumb wrestling. 

Day 18: This Shirt

The picture will speak for itself but that doesn't come until the end.

Tracy and I were killing time in NWA and stumbled into a Goodwill. We decided to look for white attire for the Color Run.

We chose a divide and conquer method and then we would present our findings to each other.

As per usual, Tracy did not disappoint. Her last presentation was this sweet shirt. Scroll down then join me for discussion...

... You back?

Is that not a sweet shirt?

I have lots of questions surrounding this shirt. Like,

Who bought this shirt originally?

Why did they think Goodwill needed it?

How much does a shirt like this cost brand new?

Why would Tracy not wear it to Hooters for lunch as I suggested?

Day 17: This Toy

Justin and I found Sam one of his Christmas gifts today. We were walking by a Hallmark store in McCain Mall and they have these bedtime buddy things where your kid can cuddle up to this stuffed animal and as you read the story the stuffed animal reacts to what you say.

I thought that was pretty cute but I wasn't convinced yet. I mean, if the story sucks, who cares if the bear talks or not? Am I right?

So I had to read the story to see if it was worthy.

Since I'm blogging from my phone the pics will be at the end, but it is a story about a monster and a boy named Sam!

We had to get it. How cool will it be for me to read a story to Sam about a boy named Sam and a monster named Bigsby.... While he holds Bigsby?!

I can't wait until Christmas now.

Day 16: kid songs

I'm really only thinking of two.

5 little monkeys swinging in the tree (which I will refer to as the monkey song from here on out) and hush little baby.

The story:

When Sam was a baby, it seemed like the only song that would make him feel better or at least calm the crap down was Hush Little Baby.

It was so sweet. He would stop crying long enough for me to sing that song, then start right back after I finished. It was simple really. Sing that song constantly and he was happy.

It got to a point that he would grin a goofy grin every time I started the song. This was from about 6 months old to at least 18 months. It was so precious.

I was away at a conference one time when he was a little over one and I sung it over Skype and he even grinned real big then.

And even now when I sing it, it calms him down. This shouldnt be a problem in high school, right?

The monkey song has a pretty cool story too. Susan started singing it to him and he would be mesmerized. Like the world stopped turning while she sang this song.

For those who don't know, the lyrics are:

5 little monkeys
Swinging in a tree
Teasing mr. Alligator,
"you can't catch me! You can't catch me!"
Along came mr. Alligator,
Quiet as can be...
And SNATCHED that monkey right out of the tree.

Now Sam sings it with me and his face when we are teasing mr. Alligator is the funniest thing ever. So adorable.

I tried documenting it but for some reason he will only do it when naked and I shouldn't share that with the interwebs.

Day 15: Internet Radio

I don't know if you know this or not, but my radio has been stolen out of my car. Twice.

The first time it was a fancy radio with a broken cd player. It was a pain in ass to replace the windows but I got a new radio out of it.

Until another hood rat put eyes on my new fully functioning radio.

Now this is the part of the story where my husband and I disagree, but in my view, a busted window sucked, so I just left the car unlocked. Steal the radio if you want but leave the windows alone.

And the night my radio was stolen the second time there was shattered glass everywhere in the parking lot and like four other reports of stolen radios. So I stand by my reasoning. At least my windows weren't bashed in.

I should have taken the faceplate off... But I digress.

So since donating two radios to the local youth, I decided that I'm too cheap to buy another one.

So on my way to work I listen to the radio! On my phone! Through the interwebs! Awesome.

I got a wild hair today and did "New Kids on the Block" radio on Pandora.

Judge all you want, but that was amazing!

The Right Stuff - NKOTB
Push It - Salt n Pepa
Funky Cold Medina - Tone Loc

Awesome-sauce.

Day 14: Raisins

I realize not a lot of people are thankful for raisins. But I am.

Because my son thinks they are candy. For real.

I'm pretty sure the only thing he would choose over raisins would be a sucker. That's it.

This morning I gave him his milk and pop tart (I offered eggs and he not so politely declined... Like this..."no! I don't want eggs!"). I went in the bathroom to get ready. He came in a few minutes later.

He comes up to me, grins his goofy cute grin, then hugged my leg as tight as he could.

And I fell for it. I was all, "aww! What got into you Sam? I sure love you."

And he grinned really big and hugged a little tighter and then said, "mommy... I sure need some raisins."

Yup. That happened.

Day 13: Baby monitors

Because without them, I wouldn't hear my son screaming like a drill sergeant at 5:30 am, "Mom-MEEEEEEEEE! Mom-EEEEEEEEEEE! Mummy! Mom! Mom! Mom-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Seriously, the day he stops yelling for me, waiting in his bed for me to get him, hugging me, and resting his head on my shoulder while I bring him downstairs.... That's the day my soul dies a little.

This morning every time I went to kiss his head he would intercept with a sugar for Momma.

So thanks baby monitors.

Day 12: The Googles

Can you imagine a time without Google? I can't.

I mean. I can. I played outside a lot more. Was more tan. Skinnier... I digress.

The Googles is amazing!

Want to know why? Other than the obvious that it knows all things?

It tells me what to shop for. In my job, I'm supposed to shop for RA program supplies. And that normally results in a trip to Hobby Lobby.

Now for me, this is a unique form of torture. Out of the 15,000 times I've been in that store for, I still only know where the paint and the streamers are. And they keep moving the damned streamers.

What are alligator clips? What type of leather makes the best bracelets? I can't tell you how many times "pretty beads" has been on my list, like I know what constitutes that.

The latest on my list: rat tail cord. Apparently I need several yards.

So since they don't have, "I don't belong here... Help me!" signs at the front of Hobby Lobby, I'll be using the Googles to figure this out.

Thanks be to Google.

Day 11: modern day oatmeal packets

Y'all get ready because I'm about to drop a knowledge bomb on you.

Did you know that there is a line on the package that measures out 2/3 cup of water? Because it is there and it is awesome!

If you are like me you know for a fact that you own 100 measuring cups but on any given day you can only find three and they are either the wrong size, dirty, or have all the numbers rubbed off so you can't tell what you are working with anyway.

Praise be to the handy dandy new line.

Day 10: Dog cones

My dog has a problem with chewing his ass. Currently the problem is he can't because we put a big cone on his head which makes chewing his ass impossible.

Without the cone on, though, boy does he chew his ass. Last night we look it off for like 30 minutes to see how he would do. How'd he do?

He made up for lost time and went into ass chewing overdrive. So back in the cone you go!

Which brings me to my thankfulness. I mean these things are genius, they really are. Because aside from ass chewing prevention, what other contraption can you put on a dog that makes them a lampshade and a basketball goal all at the same time?

I mean when he is looking out the window and I get his attention and he looks back at me... That crap gets me tickled because he looks like that Picar lampshade!

And I've mentioned before how my son likes to throw balls in his cone then watch him get them out. That's pretty funny stuff too. Especially when it's a small bouncy ball and it gets stuck and the dog starts wiggling out.

But the inspiration this morning came from me standing in the kitchen trying to find something to eat and them the dog caught my eye. And I swear he was looking at me like Tiny Tim, "please sir, may I some more food?"

So I go get him some food. I put it in the bowl. And then he kept ramming his little cone head into the bowl but couldn't eat. Geez that made me giggle.

Don't call PETA or anything. I helped him out. Then I took a picture of the solution to share with the interwebs.

Day 8 & 9: GPS and ring pops

Bless the gps. I'm not sure modern day people could go back to good old fashioned map reading. I imagine any encounter to go find food somewhere would go a little something like this...

Sitting in a hotel room deciding on dinner:
Flo: let's go eat at that Mexican place. The map here says it is pretty close.
Fred: let me see that. Oh hell Flo! Look at all those roads!
Flo: oh Fred. It doesn't look that bad."
Fred: we would get lost. Map readin is hard.
Flo: c'mon. I want a chimichanga.
Fred: pizza hut still delivers don't they?honey let's have Italian.

And bless the ring pop. Is it candy? Is it jewelry? There's no need to decide!

It is glamorous. It is delicious. And it made a certain 2.5 year old boy super happy he landed a wicked cool mom like me today.

Days 6 & 7: conditioner and Qtips

Without conditioner, my hair is an unmanageable tangled mess of ouch and ewwww.

And Qtips? My love for Qtips isn't quite a secret. And I miss them today because I am in a hotel and I forgot to pack them.

Same with the conditioner. Here is a little message for hotels: supply conditioner. If nothing else, the women will be nicer to look at.

Day 5: Little boys underwear

Now before you go alerting the authorities, how cute are little boys underwear?!

Especially when you throw my son's chunky tushy in them... er meh gerd!

In reality, I had something way better earlier in the day, then I forgot, got a major sinus headache and I just really didn't want to forget about this bloggy thing I've committed to. And then Sam ran by me in his underwear. And that shit is cute.

Want to know what else is cute?

Sam: Mom can I sleep with you tonight?
Me: No baby, not tonight.
Sam: God said I could sleep with you tonight.
Me: Did he now?
Sam: He said it five times!

Bless it. Sam as a teenager is gonna be hard.

Day 4: feminine hygiene products

Because ewwwww to be a lady before these lovely inventions!

And back then, no one warned you of the imminent bloodshed. When my grandma started her period, she asked her mom and was told, "you must have cut yourself crossing a barbed wire fence."

Excuse me?! If I am still bleeding 7 days from now from a cut from a fence, TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL!!!

For bologna's sake, it is a miracle we live after bleeding several days straight anyway. Give a girl a heads up!

But we live in a world where lovely women dressed in all white will show us how these magical products will soak up a lovely and not disgusting blue liquid.

You draw your own conclusions...I'm just thankful for the damned things.

Day 3: Americanized Foods

Can you imagine a world without canned spaghetti sauce?

I can. And it sucks. So for my 3rd day of thanks I'm giving it up for Americanized foods.

Packaged noodles, I salute you.
Ragu, I love you.
Sliced bread, well there is a whole saying about you!

If it weren't for these things and many others, I'm not sure my family would ever eat. I mean, we would, but it would just be fruits and veggies. And that's only if I could still buy them on my way home. If it were up to me or Justin to forage for berries or kill for meat, I believes I'd end up in indentured servitude in exchange for food.

So thanks canned spaghetti sauce! You rock.

30 Days of thanks: Days 1 & 2

Blogging from the phone...

Day 1: I'm thankful for emergency funds. I despise debt. Like with the fire of 1000 suns. Every time I pay a bill that has interest it feels like I am just wadding up money and throwing it into the wind. So when our upstairs furnace went out and we discovered the downstairs furnace was damaged from the Great Lightning Incident of 2012, I was heartbroken to hear the total bill. But you know what? I had the money to just pay cash and lick my wounds and it felt great. Now to build the savings back up bc lawdy lawdy did it take a hit!

Day 2: I am thankful for the way children illustrate their requests. For instance, my son requested to watch the monster movie this morning. Bit instead of just asking for the monster movie, he says, "momma, let's watch the monster movie... RAWR! RAWR! RAAAWWWRRRRR!"

Adults should illustrate our thoughts like this. It would make our days go by so much quicker. Think about it.

You are in a meeting with your boss and you are requesting money for an event with dancing. "I'll need at least $500 for the dj please," then start beat boxing and do the stanky leg.

Let's start the movement people. Only good things can come from this.

Liebster Blog

I've just been awarded the Liebster Blog Award! Liebster is German for "favorite" and April Jech chose me as one of her favorites!

Here's the Rules:

1. List 11 things about yourself..
2. Answer the 11 questions that the tagger has set for you
3. Choose 11 bloggers
4. Create a set of 11 new questions for the 11 people you tag.
5. Absolutely no tag backs
6. The bloggers have to have fewer than 200 followers.
7. Go inform them that you nominated them for the award

11 things about myself:

1. I just had a root canal... well half of one I guess... and my mouth is friggin' sore right now! Plus I get the added bonus of looking like a window licker when I try to move the left side of my face. Happy Monday folks!

2. I have the asthmas and a strong desire to run a 5k. These DO NOT mesh.

3. I have a strong desire to have a tidy house coupled with a strong desire to sit down a lot. Guess which one wins most all of the time?

4. I'm pretty sure I'm a glutton for punishment. If someone asks me to do something, I have to find a way to do it. It is for this reason that I continue to add responsibilities to myself with no raise in pay. Maybe I'm not a glutton for punishment. Maybe I'm just dumb.

5. I have a list a mile long of things that make me want to jab a pencil in my eye. They include, but are not limited to: smacking of any sort, mouth breather, forceful breathing out of your nose (this isn't a marathon), whistling of any sort, the sound of fingernails being clipped, tapping for no apparent reason, and the constant clearing of someone's throat or any time of loogie noise. Disgusting.

6. If this were the early 1900s, I'd be a frickin' genius. I can memorize word for word faster than any person I know. How does this help me in life? Vocabulary tests and knowing the lyrics to most songs. That's it. And as I'm done with the vocabulary tests and I will not sing karaoke, this talent is pretty much a waste. (And once I memorize it, it never goes away. At any point, ask me to tell you the poem "Eletelephony". I memorized it in the 2nd grade and still know that thing. Dumb.)

7. Medical procedures of any kind just do not freak me out. I go into it like I'm high or something. This is really funny when you couple it with my husband's crippling fear of anything medical. For instance: If you ask him to blow his nose in the doctor's office he wants to know why and you have to talk him down from a ledge. I go in for a root canal this morning and I forgot to mention it to my husband until yesterday. The dentist tells me I have to go back for round 2 and I'm like, "meh... alright." (Also, this applies to my more than mellow state when  I had to have a c-section. Even I was expecting me to freak out then, but instead I was all, "Whatever works man. Dope me up!"

8. My love language is "Acts of Love," and almost nothing else. This means: I forget that other people receive or give love in any other way. Therefore it never occurs to me to build people up with words, or get them gifts, or give them a hug (sometimes it does). Wanna make my day? Clean my house. Bring me a Dr. Pepper when you know I'm stressed out. Take care of something for me. This is funny to me too because Justin is clearly a Quality Time person and I so am not. While we are sitting together watching a movie, I'm thinking I could be doing laundry or sleeping. And when I'm thinking, "I wish he'd come in here and help me with the dishes," he is thinking, "I wish she'd come in here and sit down with me for a minute." Its like a dog chasing its tail.

9. I do not enjoy ice cream. Or the snow. But if given the chance to eat snow ice cream, I will, because it reminds me of childhood days.

10. Speaking of snow, I once tried to feed a turkey snow. He then attacked me. My grandpa then attacked it. I think we had fresh turkey on that Thanksgiving. Stupid bird.

11. Speaking of birds, put me with in a 500 ft radius of a goose and I guarantee you that s/he will attack me. They hate me. Maybe they know of the unfortunate turkey incident. This is even true over seas. I was crossing a bridge in Maastricht, Netherlands and was met by 4 angry geese. I retreated back where I came from to find 3 more on the other side. THEY PLOTTED AGAINST ME. My friend distracted them so I could run to safety. Stupid birds.

April Jech's Questions:

1. Tell me something quirky about you? I eat M&Ms evenly, in order of the rainbow. Every time.

2. What would be your ideal concert? (no limits to if they're around or not anymore) I'd like to see Blake Shelton, Miranda Lambert, and Reba all at once.

3. If you could live anywhere for a year where would you live and what makes that place so special? I'm pretty chill where I am. But I did love the Netherlands. Everyone is friendly (except for the geese).

4. What's your guilty pleasure? Bite size Milky Ways. Or Big Brother. Or put them both together.

5. If you HAD to be a doctor, what type of doctor would you be and why? Family practitioner. Jack of all trades.

6. If you could be a star in any movie, what movie and who would you be? Any comedy where I don't have to get naked. I can't get naked in front of others for the viewing pleasure of others. Makes me feel icky.

7. What's your favorite restaurant & what would you recommend there? This all depends on which way the wind is blowing. Honestly right now I'm craving hummus and a gyro from Layla's.

8. What's your favorite holiday and why? Mother's Day. I love everything about being a mom so why not celebrate it!

9. What's your ideal weekend? 80 degrees, plenty of time for the zoo, long naps with Sam, and easy to cook meals.

10. What's a hobby you've always wanted to take up? Sewing/crocheting/knitting. But I don't have the patience.

11. What's your favorite store to shop at? (either in store or online) Right now it is ROSS. Wholly molly the dresses and for CHEAP!


My Nominees:

Confessions of an ADD Crafter in Japan: Tiffany
Dancing in the Rain: Jessi
Elliot, Party of Five: Sarah
Jenny Beth Lesley: Jenny
Mrs. Rodger's Neighborhood: Jen
One Less Thing to Worry About: Danielle
The (Jernigan) Project: Carrie
The Ward Family: Sarah
Three's Company: Laci
To Be Loved, Be Loveable: Ashley
We Are the Waldrops: Dana

"Did you poop in the floor?!"

Tonight my son shat his undies. He then realizes this is bad and heads to the bathroom where he takes them off, plopping a huge turd in the floor. He then climbs up on the toilet to finish, smearing it all over the toilet. He then attempts to wipe. He then gets off the toilet, walks through the pile of poo and hides his undies in the bathtub. It is at about this time I notice he is missing. He did all this behind closed doors. He then tells me he doesn't know where his undies are. It was thirty minutes later before I figured all of it out (took a while to find the undies which pieced it all together).

He is now learning the lesson that we don't lie by going to bed early without playtime. Except I took so long typing this while he bathed that he is going to bed on time.

Drink the Kool-Aid... no really... it's good!

Yeah, my son will be a cult leader I'm fairly sure.

Remember back about a year ago and we were having trouble with a kid biting him and his recourse was to trick said kid into doing something bad then watch him get in trouble?

We've upped the ante if you will.

Today my child convinced all the kids at daycare (most older than him) that there were sharks in the bathroom.

Sharks. In the place where they disrobe and leave their genitals dangling with no protection. Awesome.

You see he has a method. It just takes one person to be convinced then the work is half done right?

So he convinced one. And they ran away from the bathroom screaming. Then they together convinced the rest of the room... leaving Susan with a room full of toddlers running away from the bathroom screaming, "AAHHHHH SHARKS!"

(Which I know provided endless entertainment for her.)

She said by the end of the day, the youngest toddler wouldn't even go near the bathroom.

And... my favorite part...

My son convinced a boy older than him to stand guard at the door while he peed. From what I understand, the exchange when like this:

Sam: "You watch me while I pee."
Boy: "Okay. I watch you while you pee.:
Sam: "You watch for SHARKS!"

And Boy then crouches down and keeps a look out for sharks.

This is the same child who also has me tell the elephants to be quiet under his bed.

And the same child who sometimes going around saying, "I'm a giant!" Except it doesn't come out giant. It comes out more like this (just listen because the video sucks).

Yup. Sounds like my kid is saying, "I'm a gina!"

Either he is going to have to use his powers for good, and not evil. Or I'm going to have to take up drinking for breakfast. Surely I have a few years to find out, right?

Just another Tuesday night...

Ok not really. But I'm not so great at the catchy titles.

Also, I'm blogging from my phone and have no idea how to get the pics in the right place. Sorry.

Tonight I asked Sam if he would rather 1) eat pizza and go swimming or 2) go eat chicken nuggets and slide at chickfila. He said he wanted to eat pizza and slide... Over and over again.

So finally he settled on chicken nuggets and sliding, so long as Grandma was there.

We met at chickfila and had a normal evening. He played and ate and it was a jolly good time.

The boys and girls club was there as a fundraiser and they were doing face painting and story time.

The lady came into the play area to read the book and Sam dropped everything he was doing to sit down and read.

Then he was told about the face painting. And my precious child would have none of it.

That is until I explained to him he could get it on his hand. Then he was all for it.

While in line I asked him what he wanted. He didn't quite understand so I decided to help him out. I said, "you can get a bear, or a monkey, or a puppy, or a rainbow, or a snake..."

Right then, he said, "my want a SNAKE!"

So he gave her his hand and she have him a green snake. When she went for the red to do the tongue, Sam said, "no! My want blue!"

So his snake got a blue tongue. Then he said he wanted orange so she gave him orange eyes.

Then he pointed to the red. She asked what he wanted red. He said, "mine finger," and pointed at her. She didn't really get it so she put this red dot on the middle of his finger.

Sam then says, "no, not! Mine finger!"

She was lost! Lol she had no idea. Finally Sam pointed to his fingernail. He wanted his fingernail painted red!

So this was the result:

I scream, you scream, Sam screams for Ice Cream!

We promised Sam last night we would take him to get a snow cone. About the time we got in the car to go is about the time that the sky opened up and tried to drown us and all the other wretched people jonesing for a snow cone at 7:30 on a Wednesday night.

So... plan B.

Justin asked if there was anything at Orange Leaf that Sam could eat. I highly doubted it (we had taken a risk before and given him a little of the lactose free kind they advertise... and while I didn't notice any symptoms I still didn't want to risk it without knowing for sure I wasn't setting him up for a rash/ear infection party). So I looked up the allergen listings on my handy dandy iPhone....

They had two flavors that DIDN'T have milk listed as an allergen! Holy smokes!

I realize most of you don't understand how wonderful this is for us, but it just kills me that he doesn't get to experience things that other kids do. For the most part, he doesn't really notice (which is great!), but at birthday parties and gatherings where kids are eating ice cream and I'm left with the art of distraction or masking a popsicle as ice cream (or when cupcakes are busted out at parties and I have a graham cracker and dairy free icing waiting for Sam... who can CLEARLY see the other cupcakes :-( and he wants one).

But dang it, we had promised him a snow cone and couldn't deliver, and while he would have been fine with the back up plan of an ICEE from a gas station, it was so nice to find this treat he could have!

If you haven't been to Orange Leaf (or any other FroYo places), you start with a bowl, fill it with the frozen yogurt of your choosing, then top it with whatever you want, weigh it, and you pay by the ounce.

So I asked Sam if he wanted Pineapple or Orange. He said, "Not like Pineapple. Want Orange."

Then he helped pump it into the cup.

We got to the toppings and I asked if he wanted any fruit.

"No. Candy."
Me: "We'll get to the candy in a minute. Do you want blueberries? Strawberries? Kiwi?"
Sam: "No. Candy."

Well as you know, he can't have most of the candy. And he keeps pointing to all the chocolate candy. So I bust out my Go-Go Gadget distracting skills and ask, "Do you want marshmellows or gummy bears?"

Sam: "Yes."

LOL So we got marshmellows and gummy bears. And just as I was about to put the cup on the scale, he says, "My want strawbellies on it!"

So we also got him some strawberries.

We sat down to eat it and I'll let you all judge the popularity by the pictures and videos.

This next one is a video of him eating. For some reason, he just looked adorable to me eating his ice cream.  But then he started what I can only assume is dancing for joy towards the end.

I'm glad we had the opportunity to do this last night. It was super fun and very memorable.

Kids Say the Darndest Things (or just repeat adults)

I have Justin's permission to share this story. And if you are against over sharing on the interwebs, move on now. So today, Justin hasn't been feeling well. He has had, well, we'll just say "loose bowels." Or in country talk, he's got the back door trots. All day long, Sam has wanted to go swimming. And all day I said we could go after dinner. Once I finally got Sam to eat a good bit of his dinner, him and I got ready to swim. He noticed his daddy not getting ready and this was simply unacceptable. He started saying, "daddy, go swimming with us!" Justin then said to him, "Sam, daddy has been peeing out his butt all day. I'm not going swimming." Sam says, "you doing what?! Let me see!" and he starts trying to pull Justin's pants down to look at his butt. Now in sam's defense, you can't use a phrase like that with a little boy and not expect a reaction. So we leave to go swimming and all is well with the world. I, of course, told Justin's mom the story because it was hilarious. Then Sam's PaPa got home. They played for a bit and he noticed Justin wasn't there. He asks, "where's Justin?" Me and Pat in unison say, "he's sick." Sam says, "Him peeing out his BUTT!" PaPa looks at us confused and says, "oh my!" Bahahahaha! I love this kid.

"You Can't Say No to Me"

My son is currently in time out, reciting, "You can't so no to me. Momma can't say no to me. Daddy can't say no to me. Susan can't say no to me."

But he isn't whining. He isn't hateful. He is saying it as matter-of-factly as he would say, "Spaghetti is good." Or, "I like monkey."

Here's how this encounter started.

I told Sam we needed to take a shower. He said, "No, not yet. Watch monkey."

I said, "No we have watched enough monkey. We need a shower so we can go shopping."

He said, "You don't say no to me, okay?"

I said, "I'm your momma and I'll tell you no any time I please."

He said, "No, you go to time out. Don't say no to me." Again, as matter-of-factly as he would say anything else.

I said, "Get in time out. Now."

He calmly walks over to his rug, gets it out, and sits down on it. Then stares at me like, "Momma, this is awkward. I'm not sure what the problem is."

I ask him after a little bit what he did to get in time out. He says, "You tell me no."

I said, yes and what else?

He points his finger at me and gets a really serious face and says, "You don't tell me no, okay?"

So I said, "You'll be in time out until you can tell me that Sam doesn't say no to momma and that Sam doesn't put Momma in time out and that Sam does what momma says. Okay?"

He said, "Nope."

I realize it was a bad mommy move on my part to giggle... but it was funny. This is one of the few times where he hasn't been bratty or whiny or anything. He is just so dry with his responses that it is hilarious... all the while SITTING IN TIMEOUT!

So I just let him sit there until he was so bored he couldn't stand it. Then I asked again, "Why are you in time out?"

He says, "You tell me no."

I said, "Yes, but what did you say to momma?"

He said, "Momma go to time out."

I said, "And we don't tell momma to go to timeout do we?"

He says, "No."

I said, "And we don't tell momma not to say no do we?"

He say, "Nope."

I said, "And we definitely do what momma says, don't we?"

And all on his own, "Yes mom."

That was 15 minutes well spent :-)

A little testimony... a little warning...

I'm going to start with the warning...

This morning I went out to my car to realize someone has gone through it. Admittedly, I had left my car unlocked (to those who know me know that this is not unusual). I didn't see anything missing so I just chalked it up to some trouble making kid who didn't find anything to steal from me.

Then I noticed Justin's car door open. That is weird. Apparently Justin had left his doors unlocked as well. This is very unusual. He is always harping on me to keep my doors locked. So I look in his car and they have stolen our GPS. Now that the shock and awe is over... it was an old as hell GPS. The maps have never been updated and it looked like a mini-old tube tv. If he pawned it, he might have gotten $50. I feel like that is a HUGE stretch.

So I left for work and thought little else about it. Until my husband called me. The first thing he said to me was this, "I think I'm going to buy a gun."

This is from my very straight laced husband who has been vehemently against having a gun in the house from day one. So my thought was, "What the hell happened?"

Apparently after I left for work, Justin laid back down in bed. He said the dog suddenly lost his schmidt and was barking like a maniac. So Justin looked out the window to see a man in a black SUV pointing a garage door opener at our garage and clicking it like a mad man.

It is at this point my blood pressure took a dangerous spike.

See this makes me thankful that our garage door opener has been broken for MONTHS and we just never got it fixed. So he wasn't able to get the garage door to open, he got frustrated and left.

But my husband WAS HOME. The car was very obviously parked in the driveway. The robber should know that seeing as he had already familiarized himself with said car.

Justin made a police report and all should be well in the world. But I pray that God puts some sense in to that poor man's head because as I said on Facebook... he isn't ready for my kind of crazy. I protect my family like a mama bear protects her cubs. Temporary moment of insanity won't even begin to cover it.

But on a happier note...

My mom is in molecular remission which means YAY!

We've been really stressed lately because when she would get her blood tested over the last several months, her cancer markers were slowly rising. Actually, they were doubling every 3 months. In general, that means she was coming out of remission. If that were to happen she would have to switch her medicine to this wicked one that's side effects are horrible (note: sudden death).

So we got her on every prayer chain from here to Brazil and Africa (no really... there was one in both). Because here is my testimony: God wants us to be healthy. He does not want us to have cancer. For anyone out there struggling with this, God didn't do that to you. It is in the Bible over and over again about how God is our Healer, he wants us to be healthy, he wants us to prosper. The devil... he is the one that wants us to suffer. Struggling with cancer? Thank the dark lord of the underworld. He did that.

But guess who heals us? God! That's who. Healing is ours to claim. And we have to be open to healing in however way it comes. When mom was going through this, I had to repeat over and over again that this wasn't necessarily bad news. Maybe this was His way of getting her on a better medicine that would heal her for good. Or maybe this was a test in faith and He was going to heal her for good with the medicine now. There were still so many options.

And then she got her blood work back and she had ZERO markers in her blood. ZERO. NADA. ZILCH.

That means odds are way in our favor now that she is cured for good!

Take that Satan! In your face you whiny, sniveling, little bitch. My momma is healed and my house is still safe. And now I'm gonna be armed for the next thing you send our way. Because my Jesus can and will kick your ass any time... any day.

Thursday,

Bring it on.

They should have called SCAN (and other tidbits)

I have a lot to update on.

1) Two weekends ago we went to OKC for my cousin's wedding. But my sister and I had the bright idea to take the kids to the zoo before the wedding (because kids are SO well behaved after a long day of driving, zooing, and no napping). We had a blast but as I suspected, my two year old was a wee bit restless by the time the 7:30 pm wedding rolled around. The wedding starts and it is obvious to me now that he is not going to stay seated and quiet. So I get up and take him to the back. It is at this point he decides he needs me to put him down (and he will scream like a banshee if I don't). So I put him down but told him he had to stay by me. I might as well have told him to eat a pound of green beans. All of the sudden he DARTS down the aisle. Running.

So I take off after him. I catch up to him at about the 2nd or 3rd row from the front... you know... by the folks exchanging vows. I reached out my giant clawlike man-hands and grabbed his shirt collar.

And what happened next is a bit fuzzy. Maybe my  mom or sister will comment with their recollection (and I'm hoping my husband won't). But, I started pulling him back down the aisle. I thought I was guiding him in a firm parent-like fashion. What I was actually doing was dragging him down the aisle of a wedding by his shirt collar... his feet were not invited to this party.

Mom of the year. And cousin of the year since this happened in the middle of the biggest moment of their lives thus far. I'm just super, aren't I?

Needless to say, we got a free pass into the reception hall for the duration of the wedding.

2) On the Facebooks, I've been complaining for about 3 weeks now about Great Lightning Strike of 2012 and all its victims (i.e. my electronics). As of Friday, the count was:

Baby monitor
Upstairs thermostat
Laptop
Laptop power cord (plugged into surge protector)
Wireless router (plugged into surge protector)
Cable model (plugged into surge protector)
Electric dog collar fence hub
Wii

On Saturday, Sam and I were out in the backyard playing in the water hose and I looked up at the roof. To see A GIANT HOLE IN IT!

Like, I can stick my giant water-head through the hole in the roof (if it weren't so damn high off the ground). Would you like to see a picture from the attic?

This is a view standing in our upstairs bedroom looking through the attic door. Super, right?

Honestly, we are lucky the house didn't burn down. And also, that I wasn't maimed when I opened this door. Because you see, there is a light bulb dangling right under that hole. It used to have a ceramic light fixture around it. When I opened the door, a piece of that aforementioned ceramic light fixture, came down and hit me in the head. Again. Super.

So that is being repaired today. And hopefully we can put the Great Lightning Strike of 2012 to bed for good.

3. My son is still racking up the cute points. He currently thinks there are elephants living under his bed. I have to tell them to be quiet every night.

He thinks I'm awesome and Justin isn't. Video proof:

And I think he's awesome... I mean, who else puts on this kind of dance show at a Cracker Barrel?

And lastly, Gena and Susan took me out for my "birthday" on Sunday night. I had to sneak out of the house because Sam wasn't going to stand for me leaving. Justin later tells me that Sam does not understand why I would want to play with Susan and Gena when I could be playing with him. I got to witness this first hand the next morning.

He comes into my bathroom as I'm getting ready and says, "Momma, you go play wif GiGi and SuSu last night?" I said, "Yeah, baby, I did." He said, "You see a movie?" I said, "Yeah, we saw a movie." He said, "Why?"

I could just eat him up all day everyday. He's so awesome.