My Son's Alter Ego is Donkey

I don't get to blog often. I realize that. And I'm doing it today against my better judgment as I have lots of homework and a ten page paper to write. 

However, I just returned from Walmart with my son for a "quick" trip. 

He didn't shut up the whole time. Not once. 

Not even once!

Want proof?

Here is a list of stuff that "is what he always wanted": 

Spongebob Bandaids
A Lady Chic Razor
Two Spiderman Web Shooters
3 Bicycles (one was unsuitable b/c the training wheels weren't "real")
Watermelon Juice
Perry the Platypus Hot Chocolate
Nesquick Crazy Straw Glasses
Go-Gurt (the kind with milk in it that he can't eat)
The Cereal with a Toy in It (who knows which one)
A Mario Kart T-Shirt

That's what I can remember. 

List of songs he sang randomly but certainly with an audience: 

Shake It Off - Taylor Swift
Girl in a Country Song - Maddie and Tae
Sexy and I Know It - LMFAO
Blurred Lines - Robin Thicke

Total number of people that giggled as we passed them by: 

8

Total number of people who patted me on the back while giggling:

2

Total number of people who commented on his "vibrant personality": 

3

Total number of people who took me up on my offer to take him home: 

0

I can feel it. You still don't grasp how chattery he was. Here is video proof: 



Wait there is more! 

I took a note out of my sister's book and gave him something to hold between his lips. If he didn't let it fall (i.e. shut the hell up), he would get a piece of candy when we got home. 

What did he do? 

He hummed. He mother-puppy hummed. 

So. Much. Noise. 

That's how I concluded his alter ego is Donkey. 

Not because he is an ass (he is though). Remember this clip? (start at 1:05)



Bless my heart. 

See funny things like this and more by following me on Instagram and Twitter (@rikkidale on both). I don't get to blog nearly as much as I used too, but those take very little time :-) 

That Time Sam got Locked in the Car

Hi! Mother of the year, here! 

I'm here to ensure that therapists around the country have job security! 

Here's the skinny. 

The other day, when Sam and I got home, we came into the kitchen and he starts yelling, "Mommy! We forgot my sack of eggs in the car!"

Me: "WE didn't. You did. Go get them." 

Sam: "But its outside."

Me: "Your legs aren't broken, you can open a car door, and the car is in the garage. Go get the eggs if you want them." 

Off he went and I proceeded with my religious ritual upon getting home of "de-business-clothing" and "pajama-suiting-up". 

After I got changed into my jammies at 6 pm (thankyaverymuch), Justin and I had a conversation about something unimportant I'm sure. About 5-7 minutes had passed at this point and I began to wonder where my 4 year old was. 

Then I remembered he went to the garage to get in the car. 

"AW CHIT! Sam is messing around in my car!" And off I went to see what he was messing with that he assuredly shouldn't be. 

I was almost to the garage when the horn starts honking. 

GREAT. 

I'm expecting to find a 4 year old in the prime of life hitting all the buttons and possibly knocking the car out of gear. 

What I found was a 4 year old FREAKING DAFUQ OUT and honking the horn like a crazy person. 

Tears were streaming down his face. 

I said, "SAM! Baby, what is the matter?!?!"

When I opened the car door, he came at me like a spider monkey on bed of fresh bananas. 

That kid has never squeezed me so tight! 

He says, "MOMMA! MOMMA! I WAS STUCK IN DA CAR AND I COULDN'T GET OUT SO I HONKA'D DA HORN SO YOU'D GET ME!!!!!"

He kept crying and hugging. Hugging and crying. Rinse and repeat. 

That poor thing was so scared. 

He wasn't locked in the car, btw. The doors were unlocked. He just couldn't get them to work. 

But can I hear it for the 4 year old who, amidst crisis, thought well enough to honk the horn and get my attention?! 

While the story is funny on the surface, this puts my mind at ease for his emergency response. Sure, he was freaking out, but he cognitively found a solution to his problem and then went for it! That's badass! 

When he does things that are smart, I like to explain to him why it was smart. And I did. 

And this is what I heard for two days straight...

"Momma, since I was a smart boy and honked the horn when I was locked in the car, do you think I deserve a treat?" 

Or,

"Do you think Susan will give me a treat for being a smart boy in the car when I honked to get out?" 

Or, 

"Momma, I was really scared in the car when I was locked in there and had to honk for you. Can I have a treat to make me feel better?"

You win some, you lose some, eh?

Obligatory Easter Post

I do love Easter. It is one of my favorite holidays. 

And Sam and I had a fantastic Easter weekend even if we didn't get to spend it "like a family," as Sam says. Justin went to visit his mom in St. Louis so it was just me and the boy all weekend long. 

It started on Saturday with Sam's tee ball game. He really likes running the bases. He still rounds home and then heads back to first. 

Then we watched Frozen again, this time because his Papa bought it for him for Easter. 

Am I the only one who doesn't adore this movie? SO MUCH SINGING! 

I do not enjoy random singing and between them singing to each other instead of talking (if you want to sing, sing a song. Don't just sing random words at people.) and "Do You Want to Build a Snowman"... I finally just tuned out. 

Yay sisterly love and men not running our lives and BURN THE BRAS... but just don't sing so much. 

But, Sunday morning was all the fun! 

I don't lie to Sam and tell him about the Easter bunny. Life sized rabbits sneaking into my house to leave a basket full of crap mom can buy at the store is weird. 

Also... I don't buy him an Easter basket with goodies. The basket is empty. If you want treats, ye best go hunt fer them in ye YARD like I did growing up. (apparently I'm a pirate)

Scratch that: My mom always got us a chocolate Easter bunny. And I would continue this tradition (because gnawing on frozen chocolate bunny butt is the bomb!) except my son can't eat chocolate and I'm too lazy to find out if they have a milk-free chocolate bunny version. 

I also saw this mad awesome post about Resurrection Rolls for Easter morning. You dip a marshmallow in butter (milk free in our case) and roll it in cinnamon and sugar, then wrap it in a crescent roll and bake as directed. The marshmallow represents Jesus' body, the cinnamon and sugar represent the spices to treat his body, and the crescent roll represents the tomb. 

After you bake it, the tomb is empty! (and delicious). 

Here is how it should look: 

Here is how mine looked: 

Oh well. They were still empty and delicious so who cares if they looked infected? Right? 

After we had breakfast I went to hide the eggs in the yard. Here are some preshies of Sam hunting them: 

 

He was very excited! 

Then we headed to church for more egg hunting fun! 

 Nap time could not have come faster. 

What was your favorite Easter moment?  

     

WTF Wednesday: Who the Hell is Lucy?

This post takes a bit of prep work but if you are into creepy shit kids say, hang around for it. 

 When I was pregnant with Sam but we didn't know if he was a he or a she, I asked my then 3 year old niece, Rylee, what I should name the baby. 

She said, "Lucy." 

I said, "Well what if it is a boy?"

She said, "Sam." 

The creepy part of that was my grandpa, Sam, died when I was in 4th grade. She didn't know that or his name. My sister and I have always missed him dearly but never really talk about him or his name. 

I was thrilled when Justin said we could name him Sam if he was a boy because it was meaningful in so many ways. 

Fast forward to creepy conversations with Sam. 

Sam has never heard that story. He knows Rylee wanted to name him Sam but that's about it. 

We were going to Walmart the other day, and Sam says, "Mom, I need to buy my sister a present." 

I said, "Your sister? Who is your sister?"

He said, "Lucy." 

He proceeded to tell me he met her in heaven and she isn't allergic to peanut butter like he his so she'd really like some peanut butter and she likes healthy food too so we could get her some of that. 

And I'm still here going,

"WTF?!?!?! WHO IS LUCY!?!?!?!" 


No, I'm not pregnant. No, I've never had a miscarriage. 

But if I do get pregnant and it is a girl, I'm not sure I'll tempt the gods by not naming her Lucy. 

What's the creepiest thing your kid has ever said?

Laughter Aerobics, AKA: Sam's First Tee Ball Game

Sam's first tee ball game was Saturday and Oh. My. Gawd.

That was the funniest thing I've ever witnessed.

The day began with us discovering that the youth "one size fits all" hat does, in fact, NOT fit all. I had that hat as loose as it would go and it still looked like "Hey Arnold" in a hat. 

So we made an emergency run to Lids to get an adult Yankees hat. 

When we got there, I told the young man working that we needed something much bigger than a youth size. 

He handed me something and said, "that should work." 

It didn't. 

We did this four more times before we found a 7 1/2 adult hat that fit! 

The little man said that's the biggest he's ever seen! That's my pumpkin head! 

He sure is cute though, right? 

Next was team pictures. Sam is directly in the middle in the front row. 

There is so much cuteness in that picture!

Now it was time to play ball!

Sam's team were home team so they got to take the field first. Sam's first position was third base. 

And man was he ready!

This is where it gets hysterical. Every time the ball was hit, Sam would run after the ball and then run after the runner... no matter where either went! He would end up in right field, second base, first base, home plate... and he would lap the bases with the runner as well! The whole stands were in stitches over him!

Good heavens we laughed so hard! 

He was up to bat next... 

When they took the field again, they put Sam in right field. This did not deter his mission to be involved with everything. 

He insisted on being everywhere the ball was. So they gave up and just put him at pitcher in the middle of the inning. 

He didn't know what to do with himself!

When he did get the ball in time, he just stood there looking around. He finally just decided to give it back to the other coach! LOL 

He got one more at bat before the game was over... 

At one point, Sam ran into the dugout and told one of the parents he was tired and needed to sit down for a little bit. I don't doubt that he was tired because he pretty much ran the entire game! The coach said, "Sam came to PLAY today!" 

We had so much fun! After the game, one of the coaches stopped me and said, "You'd better get that boy some popcorn!" 

I cracked up because I had no idea what he was talking about. Apparently, for the entirety of the game, he kept asking if it was time for popcorn yet! I guess he smelled it on the way in.

We left and got him a slushie and some popcorn. Then he took a 3.5 hour nap! All that running took it out of him!

I hope all of the games are this funny! What has been your experience with 4 year olds and tee ball?

Conversations with Sam: The Poop Tower

I know that Kids Say the Darndest Things (thanks for the branding, Bill Cosby), but mine tends to take it to another level. 

Last night, we were eating dinner and he runs up to me and says, "Mommy, hold my bread. I need to go poop." 

Since this is fairly typical, I didn't bat an eye. I simply grabbed the bread. 

Sam is 4 years old but hasn't quite mastered the "wipe by myself" art, so we still do follow up wipes to make sure he doesn't earn the nickname "Skid-Mark" at daycare. 

While he was sitting on the toilet, Justin and I were laying on the bed. It had been about 5 minutes since he asked me to be caregiver to the bread. 

Me: "Sam, are you almost done?"

Sam: "Nope! I'm pooping big today!"

Me: "Well lucky me."

Sam: "I'm pooping a big ole tower of POOP!" 

Me: "Please ask for your daddy to wipe your booty this time." 

Sam: "NO! I want you to do it!" 

Me: "But that is gross. I have no desire to wipe you after a tower of poop." 

Sam: "Yeah you do!" 

Me: "No I don't! How about if I have to wipe your booty today then next time I poop you have to wipe my booty?!"

The look on his face was of both shock and appall. 

Sam says, "MOM! That. Sounds. HORRIBLE!" 

After we all had a big laugh about how terrified he was of that idea and how much the psychiatrist bill will be later, I had the privilege of wiping his freshly used poop chute. 

It. Was. Horrible. 

What horrifying conversations have you had with your little ones lately?

T-Ball Practice Translation: Baby Monkeys with Gloves on Crack

YOU GUYZZZZZ!!!!

List of most entertaining things to watch in the whole wide world: 

1. A dog with peanut butter in its mouth

2. Babies dancing

3. Sea lions working their moves for cold fish

 
4. Babies laughing

5. 4 year olds playing T-Ball!

Sam has been to a few of these tee ball practices but yesterday's took the cake. To get the essence of what it was like, I'm going to just copy my "live-tweets" throughout the practice. I hope you enjoy. 

Live tweeting tee ball practice! Coach: Throw it to Landon, Sam! Sam: Who's Landon?!
 
Ball goes into left field... so does all of the infield. #tball 

Zoey takes off running to first base, gets made when they take the bat from her when she gets there. #tball.  

Sam gets a compliment from the coach... Commence pelvic thrust! #tball 

Kid gets on first base, decides it is boring so just sits down. #tball 

Sam hits the ball then runs after it with bat in hand. What? You had us chase the ball earlier?! #tball

While on first, next ball is hit... Chased it too! #oldhabitsdiehard #tball 

The pitcher ran home (past the ball) and the runner on third went and got the ball and tagged the pitcher out. #makessense #tball 

My son has the biggest helmet on the team. #bigheadprobs #nosharing #tball 

You know what makes running bases more fun? Jumping and yelling, "BOOGA" at the geese overhead. #tball 

Kids charge the pitcher. A lot. #tball 

To make things more interesting, simply twirl around the bat a few times and get good and dizzy first. #tball 

Justin tapped his knees to get Sam to get in defensive stance. Sam takes the opportunity to make that a dance. #tball 

Sam to coach: next time it's hit I'm going ZOOM and go get it. Coach: you could just stop it. Sam: not as much fun. #tball 

3 kid pile up at home. Not in batter order. #tball

 

I've got the next Jeter!

Or some other baseball player you find admirable. I'd rather go with a Brave but none of those have quite the name recognition that Jeter does. Unless it is A Rod and I don't want that kind of juju on muh blog. 

Excuse the misspellings. 

Anyway, due to Pat being sick we decided not to travel for Christmas unless it was with Pat. We travel every year across the state and we decided this year my side could come to us at their convenience. 

This weekend was the last installment of the Christmas that would never end... LOL. 

Christmas is great and all and part of me is sad it is over because I no longer have any excuses to leave the Christmas tree up. 

My Dad and stepmom came down with presents from the family that couldn't make it. Sam got some MORE great things (trucks, clothes, cutsie things only my sister Amanda could come up with (she is so adorable it makes me want to stab her with a Barbie that looks remarkably similar... love you 'manda!) and police car legos meant for a 5 year old. All good stuff. 

And then Major Pain in my Ass for being Majorly Crafty but Majorly Awesome sister Amanda sent a birthday gift for Sam. 

It was a wooden bat with his name etched in it. 

FOR REAL! 

How awesome!? Seriously... she's the type of relative/friend that you want to be but will never be. She reminds me of Gwenyth Paltrow... except not judgey about her perfection. 

Anyway.... Sam was SOLD! 

And Paw Paw had planned on taking Sam shopping for his birthday gift at Walmart. 

So what did we get?! 

Well a tee, tee-balls, and a glove of course! 

And man did we hit! First off the kid has a ridiculously good aim and strong arm. Secondly, he hit the ball and not the tee way  more than I expected. And he took instruction really well. 

He held the bat like he was supposed to. 

He stood like he was supposed to once we had a marker for him. 

And he made contact with the ball with and without the tee. 

Need proof? 

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/jQH1qLh4DaY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I'm pretty excited about this development. Being a closet baseball fanatic... I need an outlet. Keeping up with the Braves via Twitter is quite unfulfilling. 

Make sure to enter the giveaway going on right now! I'll post about our first day in St. Louis tomorrow sometime. Spoiler alert: There was a ruckus about birds. 

Giveaway post here: http://www.mommasgotadudesname.com/2014/01/help-save-sams-grandma-become-bone.html

Disclaimer: This post was written on an iPad after 8 hours of being in a hospital using a wobbly tray table. I take no responsibility for spelling/grammar/general use of the English language errors. 

kthnxbai

5 Reasons I Should Have Gena Babysit More Often

Yesterday at work I had a full blown mental breakdown. I mean, I kept it sort of cool on the inside, but I had an 8 hour presentation today about some pretty heavy stuff and I suddenly felt ill-prepared and that I needed to stay late at work and make sure I had everything ready to go.

Except that I have a kid and he needs picked up by 5:30 pm. That was not enough time.

I asked my husband who works 45 minutes from Little Rock if he could make it on time. I was not informed previously of his late work night.

Bummer.

So I went for the kill with Gena. And she cancelled her Zumba plans to watch my son for me so I could indulge my crazy.

Yay for best friends!!!!

Here are 5 things she told me about the night that had me rolling!

1) Burger King was built by amateurs 

Gena picked him up with intentions of taking him to Burger King so they can play. His stupid allergies limit what he can have at most places and the blessed Burger King allows him to have both french fries AND chicken nuggets together.

Except they saw that the Burger King they were headed to didn't have a Play Place.

This is where my son got super cocky and said, "Who built that Burger King? They did it wrong! You don't build a Burger King without a play place. They built it WRONG!"



You know, because he is a 4 year old architect.

2) Poop: This is not a drill!



They ventured on to "Chickalay" because those folks know how to build a damn restaurant right! (and they also have crack in the nugget... can't I get an amen?!)

Before the food got to them, Sam informed Gena he had to poop.

As a mother who has wiped that child's tootie 1,000,000 times, I get a little joy hearing someone else gets to do it. Also, I know what an ordeal it is to have him poop. He basically needs 30 minutes and your undivided attention of him screaming like a banshee and when you arrive he says, "I tricked on you. I'm not done."

Little shit.

Anyway, they go into the bathroom for a false alarm. Except this false alarm took about 15 minutes. So when they came out, they had to hunt down their food.

After they ate, he was playing in the play place. Apparently he came busting out yelling, "I NEED TO POOP! I NEED TO POOP! THERE'S NO TIME FOR SHOES!!!!!"

I bet the rest of the restaurant got a big kick out of that.

3) Diverse pooping

My son poops like he's had a long day at work. He puts his booty in the seat (not on... in), he leans back and kicks his feet up. And guys... he is in for the LONG HAUL!

Gena had not been privy to this information, so on his third attempt at pooping at her apartment, she was a bit shocked to find him vacationing in her bathroom.

The first time you see it, it is quite funny. You can't help but laugh and say, "Sam?! Why are you sitting like that?!?"

When Gena asked, his reply was, "I always sit like this. This is how they sit on toilets all over the WORLD!"



He's diverse guys. High cultured pooping going down over here.

4) Water surprises are super fun

He and Gena were having so much fun playing. They blew in each others' faces with straws (ew), they watched a movie, and they played some hide and seek.

Sam decided it was time to play another game. He told Gena to lay down on the couch and close her eyes. He had a surprise for her.

Poor, unsuspecting Gena. So naive.

You are wondering what the surprise was aren't you?

She was too. Right about that time is when he chose to dump cold water on her head!

Apparently her face did a little something like this,



which scared Sam a little bit. I, however, thought it was HILARIOUS!

5) Winky Face

As it turns out, Sam can do some face contortions all of his own. While at "Chickalay", Gena winked at him which meant he then winked at her and somehow they got to blinking both eyes at the same time.

Here is Sam's version:


Man I love that kid! 

Sam Turned 4 and Did a Keg Stand!

Put down the phone. No need in calling DHS just yet. 

Sam turned 4 yesterday. Despite my campaigning for him to just stay 3 forever (it has been the best age thus far!), he big fat went and did it anyway. 

With all the stuff going on with his grandma (leukemia) we decided this year we would go for a big gift and we wouldn't do a party. We couldn't have her around all those people anyway with her immune system compromised so we could do little stuff at home and be set. 

That's until the 4 year old got wind of this. 

He said, "Who is going to sing happy birthday to me?"

Me: "We will silly."

Sam: "And what about my friends?" 

Me: "I'll take brownies to Susan's on Monday and they can sing to you there."

Sam: "They could also sing to me at Burger King while we play." 

Good point. He went on about this for a while so I took a stab in the dark and at noon yesterday texted a bunch of people to let them know we'd be at Burger King at 5:30 to celebrate Sam's birthday, PLEASE NO GIFTS, just come to sing to my son. 

And it worked out! We had about 7 kids show up. Since I had "planned" it just hours before, there were no cupcakes. Know what I did? 

Bought those minions an Icee. 

Minions love Icees. 

Seriously, I may  never do cupcakes again. This is just as expensive and way less work. Genius! 

So genius that while being silly with daddy, Sam wanted to drink his upside down. 

ICEE KEG STANDS YA'LL! NEXT, WE'RE GOING STREAKING!!!

I thought that was a fabulous way to get a brain freeze but no luck. He seemed fine. 

It is too cold for him to enjoy his big present, a 14' trampoline! Don't worry, we got the enclosure too. 

Though I have to say, when I was little we would put Dawn soap on the trampoline and stick a water hose on it to see who could slide off the trampoline the farthest. I feel like the enclosure will slow down this process. #suchashame

When we got home, I did make brownies and we sang happy birthday to him with candles. He really likes candles as evidenced here. 

Be on the lookout for a pretty cool bone marrow drive blog post from me soon. If you are a blogger and want in on the giveaway/drive fun, email me for deets!