Chicken and Waffles? Nah! Fish and Pancakes!

This weekend was a whirlwind! I'm going to shoot for a chronological update... we'll see what happens. 

~FRIDAY~

We are sinners and haven't been to church in forever. Not for lack of trying but it seems like my child has taken up a hobby of being sick. Since the great breathing episode of August, he just hasn't been better. 

But our church was having a fish fry on Friday night so we decided to go for it. Sam was still coughing but nothing too bad and we missed everyone at church.

One of the members had donated 10 tickets for me to find 10 students from UALR to come. Our church does so much outreach for the community. It is a real opportunity for these students to get community service hours and it is just right up the road from the residence halls. We ended up having 6 come and they were all blown away by all the opportunities and giving that happens at the church. I hope to see many of them back. 

Sam has developed an Icee habit. That's my bad too. The kid can't have ice cream and most cookies and all that. Hell, he can't even have Pop Rocks (did you know they had dairy in them?! DUMB!). So the fact he can have Icees means... he gets them ALL. THE. TIME. 

I promised him if we was good at the fish fry then we'd stop and get one on the way home. 

Check it. 

I don't know if she shares in my OCD, but the kid chose matching colors for his outfit! Blue and orange all the way around! Momma's so proud. :-) 

Later that night he asked if we could just get an Icee machine for the house. Perhaps I've taken this habit too far? 

Nah. 

~SATURDAY~ 

This is the day I have been excited about and dreading for two weeks. It was Toastmasters Area Contest time. 

I won our club's Table Topics (get a prompt on the spot and then you get two minutes to respond in the form of a speech) and Humorous Speech (5-7 minutes prepared humorous speech) contests which meant I advanced to the Area level. 

I worked and worked and worked on this speech and I was all nerves. I don't think speaking in front of people ever gets easy, though I do WAY better when I know I'm not being graded (not the case today!). 

I went to the early contest to check out what it was all about. Having never seen one of these before, it calmed my nerves a bit to watch how it worked. I was honestly much more nervous after watching it b/c I picked two winners for each contest and I was wrong both times. Maybe I have no idea what they are looking for?! 

My contest time rolled around and it turned out it was just me and one other guy. In both contests. 

So this is another case of there is a winner and there is a loser. Great. 

I delivered my speech and felt pretty good about it. I caught a few times where I messed up but overall I was pretty proud of it. (I didn't leave out important parts like I had before!)

Then it was time for table topics. This is something you can't really prepare for it. It is extemporaneous speaking and the point isn't to be "correct", it is to be well-spoken, engaging, and creative. They gave me the question, "What is the difference between good and exceptional?" 

I came back with a 2-minute analogy of good pizza (Little Caesars) and exceptional pizza (Larry's Pizza). I have no idea why I thought of pizza but it worked so, eh, whatever. 

I won both contests. 

That was super cool and super awkward. I don't like attention. I was ecstatic, don't get me wrong, but also super awkward. Everyone wanted to talk to me afterward and ask me how I thought of that answer or where I came up with my speech topic or how long I had been in TM or wanting to give me tips/compliments... It was all wonderful but I'm useless in these situations and I just wanted to leave! 

One day I'll get over this fear/social awkwardness. 

We had planned that if I won, we would go out and celebrate at Red Lobster's Shrimp Fest (Note: I don't like shrimp). But I didn't realize Justin and Sam were STILL at Playtime Pizza at 3 pm when I was done with the contest. 

And they had been gorging on pizza for 3 hours so Justin didn't think he would be hungry for RL and Sam still needed a nap. 

But first... how nice is Playtime Pizza? They made him special pizza with no cheese! 

About to ride the go-carts... apprehensive is a good descriptor. 

After sleeping until 6 pm (yup... like a boss!) Sam and I got up and we decided that breakfast for dinner sounded exquisite. 

IHOP here we come! 

Sam got a bouncy ball from Playtime Pizza and him and daddy were rolling it back and forth. 

Good times. 

Isn't he pretty? 

Celebratory picture! This kid melts me. 

~SUNDAY~

I slept. All day long. Woke up at 6 am. Couldn't hold my eyes open by 7 am. Slept. 

Until about 11 am. When I got up and made lunch. 

Down for nap by 1 pm. 

Woke up again at 4 pm. 

Threw on some clothes and visited some good friends. 

In bed by 9 pm. Slept great! 

It is absurd how introverted I am. Public speaking coupled with evaluation of said speaking... it was like being in my first trimester again. I was ZONKED! 

I hope the next level competition goes better than this did. Lawdy, lawdy! 
 

Oozing Cuteness

My son has needed a haircut for, I don't know, a month or so? 

He has curly hair but not the super adorable curly hair, the kind that curls when it gets to a certain length, then it develops a mind of its own that no amount of spray or combing can tame. 

And I'm scared as hell to cut it myself. 

I wasn't for a long time, but I just don't do a good job at it. 

There are people that are fantastic at that. I'm good at lots of things (making sarcastic comments at inappropriate times for one) but cutting hair isn't one of them. 

Or wrapping presents. 

Or almost anything girly (decorating, scrapbooking, accessorizing... I'd rather sit down with a beer and watch baseball, naw mean?)

I'm just all about sticking with your strengths is the moral of this story. 

My best fran Gena, she is a go getter in all of the aforementioned endeavors, hair cutting included. And she isn't afraid of it (huge bonus). 

She agreed to come over last night and cut his hair. 

It was awesome. Here is the story in pictures: 

Before: Holy hot mess, right?!

During. He had this general demeanor the entire time, but smiled really big when I would tell him to stay still so we could go get an Icee. 

So much cuteness in one little picture... be still my beating heart. 

For serious. How freaking cute is this?! 

We had to take a break to ensure our undies were on backwards and he could get in momma's heels. #smh

Then he got a hold of my phone and took ten pictures that look like this. 

Two that look like this. 

Ten more like this one... 

Then on the way to Susan's this morning, he busted out a noodle and started hitting me with it. Mainly when I didn't answer him quickly enough to please him. 

No noodle here because he retracted it as I took the pic. But notice... mouth open. Yelling for my attention. 

There it is. Noodly noodle. 

Always a fun time with my sugar. 

Weekends with Sam

First off, I'm so stinking tired of my son being sick. Since the great weekend that was the first of August (and his poor little self broke his face, has a bitching asthma attack that required the ER where he then was so hopped up on the breathing juice that he nose-dived off the hospital bed only to be saved my momma and her claws of death to mare the other side of his face... but whatever) he hasn't been the same. 

Two weeks sick... a few days not sick... two weeks sick... a few days not sick. 

Rinse and repeat. 

So we are on cold number 4 or 5 now I believe in a row and he is tired and I am tired and Justin is tired. 

Tired. 

But through all this, he remains ever so entertaining. 

On our way to Fall Fest! His hair is a hot mess and I don't care who knows it! 

We went to the Bryant Fall Fest this weekend and this is the loot Sam left with, all for free b/c he uses his cuteness as a weapon: 

A bucket
A bag of Fritos
A large back of kettlecorn
A lemonade
A sno-cone
A plate of meatballs for dinner
5 dum dums

Not kidding. We didn't pay for any of it. (Maybe the sno-cone. I wasn't there for that interaction). 

So that was a steal! 

Upon arriving, I heard a familiar voice on the PA system. It was my good buddy, Nick Gann! 

Nick has this annoying habit of creeping on my speeches in Toastmasters, taking pictures of me, and posting them on facebook. So I thought I'd pay him back. I made sure he didn't notice me, got my camera out and took his picture while he was talking. Problem is it was very bright outside and I didn't know the camera was on reverse. So really I got this picture... 

Seriously... could I be any cooler? That's my, "Haha I caught you!" face. I should really change that in the future. 

Apparently while Grandma and Sam were walking around, he also got someone to give him free dum dums. So clearly he had to eat one.

I guess he deserved it. 

Then of course, that wasn't enough sweets. So time for a sno-cone!

He got blue-raspberry, can you tell? 

We got home and had a relaxing night. Sunday rolled around and he was still sick so the church prayed for him while we stayed home to rest. Justin was awesome and grocery shopped while Sam and I took a nap. He snuck this picture in while we were napping. 

He do hold hands as we fall asleep. It is very important to him. He also asks for "all the kisses I have" and "all the hugs I have." I have a hard time not eating him with a spoon he is so sweet sometimes. (then sometimes he kicks me and wipes his boogers on me... ups and downs you know)

Sunday afternoon rolled around, and Sam become awfully vocal. 

About two or three months ago I was listening to this song in the car: My Booty is so Luxurious 

This song is catchy and weird (just like me!) and Sam caught on quick! And has been singing it randomly ever since. See... 

With an appearance by the Big Pink... 

Don't mind me mom, just on my iPad bragging about my booty... 

I don't think he thinks we believe him... still singing... 

When he finally got finished bragging about the luxurious nature of his booty, we decided it was time for an Icee because, well, Icees make everyone feel better, don't they? 

He was pretty pleased with himself. 

And as if it didn't seem I was giving him enough sugar, tonight, GG is cutting his hair and if he is a good boy, he gets ANOTHER Icee! 

I'm going to be mother of the year in no time! 

Happy  Monday! 

Five on Friday: Power of Suggestion Edition

It's five on Friday, ya'll! 

I just joined this little phenomenon last week and I'm pretty sure I'm doing it wrong, but that's okay... 

I ANSWER TO NO ONE! 

Anyway... 

Due to my very weak resistance to the power of suggestion, I've decided to list the top five things I succumb too just by the mere mention... 

~ONE~

Coffee

But seriously though, my friend Nick posted this morning he was at Starbucks and the line was long and all I have thought about since is how lovely it would be to drink some delicious coffee (read: pumpkin spice latte). 

And then everyone who is doing this Five on Friday link up is posting this meme... which doesn't help my power of suggestion problem... 

~TWO~ 

Funny memes that know me too well... 

Like this one... 

You read the next sentence didn't you? That's why you are giggling. 

Yeah I did it too. 

~THREE~

Bounce houses

Am I the only adult that goes for long periods of time never thinking about a damned bounce house... then someone has a birthday party and I'm like, "You know what sounds fun right? Bouncing in a bounce house."

I mean, for real. We act like we don't want to and it is a huge pain in the ass, but that shit is fun. 

And all it takes is one wily birthday party to remind me of that. 

~FOUR~ 

Impulse buys. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm one of the cheapest people on the planet. However, I'm notorious for not thinking about breath mints until I'm checking out of the store. So I get some. 

Or not being thirsty until I see the Diet Dr. Pepper at the check out. 

Maybe I need to stop checking out. Shoplifting isn't that big of a deal right? Or can we go back to the good old days when you hand them a list and they bring you your groceries? 

~FIVE~ 

Exercise. 

Except I don't exercise. 

I see videos or memes about exercise and I'm like, "YAH! I'M GOING TO TONE AND GET HEALTHY! I CAN DO ANYTHING FOR 30 DAYS!"

Then on the second day I'm panting in the floor yelling at Jillian Michaels, "BITCH, YOU DON"T KNOW ME!" When in fact she does, because she yells at me to stop taking a break at the exact moment I started taking a break. 

And then on the third day, I snooze the alarm and I say to myself, "Eff it. I'll be flabby." 

What are you five things for the day? 

Top 5 Link Up: Creepy Folk Edition

(This button is pissing me off. WHY WON'T IT LEFT JUSTIFY?!?!?!?!)

(If this post is wonky, I'm sorry. Maybe you are wonky.)

I'm really getting into these "link ups". Wanna know why? I don't have to think of a blog theme. It is already written for me!

Without further adieu, I'm going to list 5 people that freak me the crap out.

1) The chicken wing guy. 



I love Wing Stop. And I'm sure if I was ever able to go there without my son (nothing but love for you Sam!), I'd enjoy it even better with the lovely beer selection they have.

But without fail, I always forget about the creepy guy that awkwardly smiles and gestures at me. Every. Time.

Now this guy is good at being creepy. He'll act like he is working and then awkwardly peak his head around stare. Or if I sit out of sight from the workers (back towards the bathroom) he must develop a UTI and run to the bathroom every five minutes.

It is gross and creepy. Knock that shit off, bro. I can't stay away from the lemon-pepper wangs, naw mean?



2) Awkward eye contact Burger king girl. 



This one is fresh on my mind because I decided to laze-it-up today and get chicken nuggets on the way home for myself and Sam.

As I go to pay, this girl takes my card.

Um, look. I just want some chicken nuggets and sweet tater fries. Hold the creepy eye contact and the odd feeling that you stroke your stuffed cat at night instead of sleeping like normal people, mkay?

3) Tom Cruise



This guy. Creeps me dafuq out.

There is something about him, I don't know, that makes me think he has someone tied up in his basement.

He makes strange outbursts, he acts goofy in a very unsettling way, and am I the only one that has noticed that one of his front teeth is CENTERED ON HIS FACE?! LOOK AT THAT!

I'm not one to make fun of people based on physical attributes, but I'm pretty sure this proves he is an alien.

4. Too Touchy Co-Worker



Okay so there is a person that works at my institution, whom I am sure is a nice person, but there is a time to touch and there is a time to not.

He should go with not. All the time not.

He'll get awkwardly close and then longingly stroke your back or your shoulder.

And I'm like, "Ew gross don't."

And I know it may be a surprise to most, but I don't enjoy hurting people's feelings. I also don't enjoy being stroked like a cat, so I have found a happy medium of just always staying out of arms reach of him. Sometimes its like a game of tag...




5. Guy Who Won't Leave



Ok, maybe it isn't this bad. But there is a guy at work that when he makes it into my office, he won't leave. Like at all.

And it makes me feel as awkward as if Dwight Schrute had walked in naked and wouldn't leave. Ew. Stop it. Don't.

I have literally had to tell this person to get up and go back to work. And when they wouldn't, I had to motion what getting up was and what getting the crap out of my office was. It was literally like this...




So there you have it. The top 5 people that freak me out. I'm glad I got that off my chest. 

Finish the Sentence Link Up

I finally figured out how to do one of these things. If you want to participate, hurry and go to this link: http://www.thestanfieldclan.com/

My happy place... is honest to goodness wrapped up in my son. Whether it is tickling him, or us cuddling while trying to beat Vector on Minion Rush (which is seriously hard sometimes and my son kicks my ass at it!), or holding hands while we take our Saturday nap (which I will cut you if you threaten to take it away from me). 

Whatever happened to... predictability? The milk man? The paper boy? Evening tv? 

What song is this?! It's all I can think about now. 

But seriously, whatever happened to scrunchies? No one wears them anymore. 

So what if I.... listen to Color Me Badd radio on Pandora most of the time? Have you tried it? It will always put you in a better mood. 

E! needs a reality show about... where celebrity moms trade places with regular moms and then we can all watch as they crumble into a million pieces as they drown in, "What the hell is that on my walls?!" and "You want me to wipe what? From where?" and all the other things modern day common folk moms have to do. First up? Gwenyth Paltrow. 

My go-to fast food meal is... two supreme Doritos Locos Cool Ranch tacos and a large Diet Dr. Pepper. Why did my mouth just fill with saliva? 

You might not know that I... despise when people are looking for a reaction from me. I get all weird, loose eye contact, stutter... I'll do almost anything to get out of the situation. To quote my best friend, Gena, I need a safe word to get out of these situations... AVOCADO! 

The hottest quarterback in the NFL is... Troy Aikman? Eli Manning? Tom Brady? I'm going to go with Tom Brady. Because I can vaguely remember him as being alright looking and I'm 80% positive he is in fact a quarterback. Is Troy Aikman still around? Is he like 80 now? 

If I could... chaaaaaaaaaaannnnge the world.... Another song. Sorry. If I could hire a cleaning lady, I would. And my husband would be the luckiest man on the planet, if you naw'mean. ;-) 

My personality is awesome because... I thrive on making awkward moments even awkwarder? This could be why I don't have many friends. 

Twerking is.... the reason I've been drinking more heavily. WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS?! 

I think it's super gross when... people do that gross thing where they suck their snot back in their nose and it rattles all the way down and then you can hear them swallow it and you think to yourself that there cannot be a grosser human being on the planet?! Seriously people... sniffles are one thing... sucking until your skull is concave... that's disgusting. 

Someone needs to tell Miley Cyrus.... to stop being a self-conscious, attention seeking, hoe-bag and have some self-respect. Cheese and rice, it is just sad.