Day 19: My Toe Thumbs

This one is going to be kind of long but it is riddled with people making fun of me, so I hope you stay for the whole thing. You may be dumber as a result but no worse than an episode of Honey Boo Boo or the Kardashians. 

It all started one day in the 4th or 5th grade when I sitting next to my friend Clarissa (hi Clarissa!) waiting on the bus. I happened to see her thumbs and thought... wow those are weird. So I told her. Because I've always had tact. 

She then looks at my thumbs and freaks out. "No! You have weird thumbs!" Well I couldn't have this so we start comparing thumbs to those around us. 

I, in fact, had the weird thumbs. 

This caused some identity issues, admittedly. Now I was deformed. Bummer. 

So from that moment on, people started noticing my "toe thumbs." And they do. They look like toes. 

The computer hates me. It wouldn't rotate. Just bend your head sideways. You won't look as dumb as I do with toe thumbs! No worries. 

So as I progressed through life, people would look at my thumbs and laugh. When they needed a pick me up, when life wasn't going their way, I could look at them and show them my thumbs, and I guess they would be thankful that their hands were 100% hands and not just 80% hands and 20% foot. Lucky them. 

So on the way to church this morning, my wonderful husband catches notice of them. And wonders to himself, I wonder if their is anything on internet about your thumbs. 

I did not think there would be much. I mean, I knew that Megan Fox had been identified as a fellow toe-thumber... but that's about it. 

No. Not it at all. 

There is a toe thumb page on Wikipedia. WIKIPEDIA! 

There is a toethumb.com. This is apparently a SUPPORT GROUP for folks like us. And the people on this page are all... "I feel like I belong now!" Really? Is this necessary? 

In our Justin's research, we also found that the gypsies referred to this as MURDERER's THUMB. Murderer. I have the thumbs of a murderer apparently. 

Which bears the question, how crazy are you folk for making fun of them? Flirting with fate is what you are doing. I have the genes of a murderer. 

Just when we thought it wasn't crazy enough... like people really need to get a life and move on... we find this... 

http://www.inquisitr.com/25885/megan-fox-has-freaky-thumbs/

The first line is, "Would you still hit that?" 

REALLY?! My thumbs are sexy as hell. You'd be lucky to get with this. 

Would you hit that? I would hit you. On the head. With a hammer. A hammer tightly gripped with my TOE THUMBS. 

Assholes. 

Let this GIF play through. 

Also... there is a place on Facebook. To "Like Megan Fox's Toe Thumbs." 

Her thumbs have a following. Of 2,966 people. 

Damn near 3,000 have taken time out of their lives to like her thumbs. 

Maybe it's just me, but have you noticed her rack? Get a grip people. 

So all in all, I'm thankful for my very rare (only 4% of the world's population has them) toe thumbs. They are delightful. They are sexy. And they are truly hard to nab in a game of thumb wrestling.