Let's Get Some Perspective

I'm not writing this post to be confrontational. I writing it to clear the air and offer some perspective. 

I've been asked a million times why I (being the daughter-in-law) am the one staying in St. Louis with Pat. 

Why not her family? 

Why not Justin? 

Why not her best friend? 

Here is my answer: 

I have a deep conviction that if you can help someone, you should. Whether that be a stranger on the street or your best friend... you help if you can. If you can't help, you pray (which is still helping). 

There seems to be this unwritten rule of society that blood relatives come first and have a higher responsibility to care for their blood relatives that in-laws or friends should. 

I call bullshit. 



Justin (Pat's son and my husband) is an only child. He is also a teacher. He has only so many days of leave before he has to file FMLA and go unpaid to be here with his mom. 

Do you think he doesn't want to be here? Do you think he doesn't offer every single day to come replace me? 

But if he did that, our family would suffer financially. It isn't a wise choice. So he goes against his wishes and stays at home so that our family doesn't suffer financially. He is making a huge sacrifice. 

The same goes with many other family and friends. In most cases if you miss work you don't get paid. I'm very lucky to be in a position to carry the brunt of the "away time" because I have a flexible job with a lot of leave. Since I never take vacation, suffice it to say I have enough hours to cover this for a bit. (Workaholics for the WIN!)

But that isn't the point. 

When you are blessed with good family and friends, you by God take care of them! 

Not everyone is blessed with a good family, blood or in law. 

I happen to be blessed with both. And have also been blessed with phenomenal friends. 

Where I grew up, you took care of your loved ones. Period. 

Pat has been a major support system and possibly the best MIL I could have ever asked for. What kind of person would I be if I stepped back and said, "Ew... leukemia. Bummer. Ya'll work it out, she isn't related to me by blood." 



Yeah, I think not. 

I love my husband. I love Pat. So whatever needs to be done shall be done. 

This isn't a burden or an obligation. This is family. 

The good Lord gave us faith, hope, and love. But the greatest is LOVE. 



This is LOVE. 

Please don't look at this as some people aren't doing enough or I'm doing too much. We are all doing what we have to do to make this situation work. 

Justin is caring for Sam by himself, agonizing over what is going on up here and wishing he could be here instead of me. 

Her family is organizing bone marrow drives and calling every day and checking to see if there is anything they can do. And they are offering a lot. They are also agonizing over not knowing and feeling helpless to do something for Pat. 

Our friends (Gena, Susan, Amy) are helping care for Sam, helping Justin get a break and cope with being a legit single parent. 

Johnny is using his time without Pat to clean the house so that she has the best environment to live in to keep her healthy when she gets home. He is taking care of a wrecked car and fixing the other car. He is making sure Justin and Sam get their vegetables by taking them out to eat every once in a while. He is also trying to help Justin with Sam by taking them to see movies and play dates. 

My work family (yes they are family) are calling and checking in on us every day, giving me updates and asking what they can help cover so that I can maintain my job while still caring for my MIL. 

Everyone is doing this out of LOVE. 

When I leave this world, I don't want to be remembered for following the status quo and living up to other people's expectations of what I should  and should not be. 

I want people to think of me and say, "She loved people well." 

What do you want to be remembered for? 



If you are still wondering what you can do to help, please visit this post and consider helping by donating. It is a giveaway as well so you can win stuff for just doing the right thing. Think about it. 

Big Bad Blog Bone Marrow Drive