WTF Wednesday: My Tuesday

I swear my life is one giant SNL skit mixed with a Lifetime movie. It is awkward little mix that keeps me on my toes. I often end up just shaking my head saying, "There is no way this happens to other people."

Let's start from the top.

Every morning when I drop Sam off at daycare, he wants to "wave at me outside." This means stand up on the couch and wave at me through the big window. Which is adorable and rad and I love it.

Yesterday I finally had enough sense to take a picture of it. (yes I was the creepy lady taking pictures of kids through a window... yes I would cut a person for doing this very same thing).

How friggin adorable is this?! I die. I die a little bit.

On Tuesdays I typically watch another little girl so that her mom can go to a meeting. It is lots of fun usually but I also usually have reinforcements (read: husband) to help entertain while I cook. Except Justin had a late work night this Tuesday.

What did I do?

Punted. And decided to take them to Burger King with an indoor play place because yay no cooking and my new Jen Lancaster book isn't going to read itself, naw mean?!

While we were eating, we did our "Best and Worst" where we all say the best and worst thing about our day.

Lily said her worst was going to timeout but her best was getting to spend time with us and eat together at Burger King.

So sweet and heartfelt. She is a little sweetheart.

Then it was Sam's turn.

And my sadistic little shit said, "My worst was that me and Lily went to time out. My best was that Cullen did too."



Misery loves company?! I just shook my head. Teenage years are going to rough on me folks.

They finished up and went to go play. I caught up on some Candy Crush when I looked up and the children in my care that I would prefer not get a staph infection were running in the play place area without socks. 

NO SOCKS! 

I am a redneck country girl who prefers no shoes and socks at almost all times. There are three exceptions to the barefoot rule: 

1.) Hospitals/doctors offices
2.) Strip clubs/casinos/shady bars
3.) PLAY PLACES! 

And I have had this conversation with Sam before. He knew better. 

I called him over to the table and asked him what in hell he was doing with his socks off. 

He says, "I like it better with no socks." 

I said, "You can either go put your socks back on and play or you can try to play with my foot up your butt. You pick." 

He decided to go get his socks on and he kindly informed Lily that it might be preferable to do so as well. 

They ran into the play place happily feet-clad in socks... and my son comes out of the play place with a FLINGING FLANGING LASER! 

I knew darned well I didn't give him a laser which means he is picking up random crap from inside the cess pool of death (read: play place). But the best part of this is that since he found this, it clearly  made him ruler of the short people (read: kids) and he was ordering them around like he owned them. 

If he pointed, then went. If he wanted to cut in front of them, they let him. 

Because he had a laser. 

Now I was on the other side of the glass, so for all I know he was telling them he would ruin their lives with his laser if they didn't succumb to his requests, but it was quite entertaining living in ignorance on the other side of the glass. 

And as it turns out it wasn't a laser. It was a Polly Pocket light that resembled a laser. 

But with it came complete control of the miniature people so Sam was still walking around with the swag of a congressman. 



As it was time to leave, Sam and Lily go to grab a Burger King crown each. Except Sam grabs two for himself. 

I say, "Sam, you only get one hat." 

He sticks his lip out and frowns and looks down at his feet in defeat. 

Then he looks up slightly, raises one eyebrow (if I'm lying I'm dying), gives me a half grin and says while holding out the second crown, "Mommy... I got you a hat." Then he grins really big like he is super proud of himself. 

We left with four hats. I'm a sucker for an evil grin, what can I say? 

When we got home and Lily's mom got there, my dog that has an invisible trampoline under him at all times jumps up all fours into her lap in our super high kitchen chairs. 

My dog has an unhealthy obsession with Amy and eating her hair. True story. 

After they left, Sam wanted to practice writing and for the first time he wrote his name! 

Yes that is a smug grin on his face. No he didn't write the one you can read. He wrote the barely deciferable version underneath it (and to the side). 

How did I teach him? 

S is a squiggly line that is really two half circles. 

A is an o with a line on the right side. 

M is a line with two humps (not to be confused with a B which is a line and two bumps). 

And then "My Humps" by Black Eyed Peas was in my head for the rest of the night. 

What letter should have lady lumps? Anyone?