Get Your Thanksgiving Panties out of a Bunch

Watch out guys! Rikki has her sassy-pants on today! 




Someone please enlighten me. When did being a pompous ass with your nose in everyone else's business become more preferable than greedy consumers? Exactly when did that occur? 

I'm so sick of seeing all these posts on Facebook of people posting their status as some guilt trip for anyone who plans to shop on Thanksgiving or Black Friday. 

Bitch #1:
I've seen people post that they need to be focusing on Jesus on Thanksgiving because He is the reason for the season. 



-- Umm... no He isn't. You are thinking of Pilgrims and Native Americans. Or Christmas. 

Bitch #2: 
How about the post on "take back Thanksgiving" and boycott those companies who open on Thanksgiving night or midnight on Friday. 

-- This is a losing battle folks. If you want to boycott them, by all means do so. But I challenge you to think of this another way... 

What if Black Friday shopping is a tradition for this family. What if shopping together at Thanksgiving is a cherished memory for them? 

Do you have traditions of your own? Did the pilgrims sit down with the Indians and watch a vigorous game of football? Did they sit down together and play board games? Did they go out and catch the latest release of the Hunger Games? Why is shopping so terrible when most of us do one or all of the previous listed things? 

Get over yourself. 

Bitch #3: 
Every time you decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving an elf dies. (or a cat... or angel loses its wings... or a disease ridden rat bites a baby... whatever). 

-- Listen folks. I loves me some Thanksgiving as much as the next person. And I think big department stores whip out the Christmas stuff a bit early myself. But does it hurt you in some way if a family gets joy from seeing their decorations up before we gorge ourselves on turkey? Does it hurt you in some way? 

Because the thing is... there are no such things as elves... and if God takes away an angel's wings b/c of a tree decorated in twinkly lights then perhaps I've gone a picked an asshole God to worship... 

Again... there are pedophiles and murderers roaming the streets but DAMMIT DO NOT PUT UP A JOYFUL TREE DECORATION IN YOUR HOME BEFORE WE SLAUGHTER A TURKEY!!!!! 

BE DAMNED YE SATAN WORSHIPPERS!!!!!

Maybe it is just me but there could be bigger fish to fry in the world than over-zealous Christmas decorators? 



What is the moral of my rant this morning? 

Mind your own business and do what makes you happy this Thanksgiving. Life is too short to be butting into everyone else's lives. If someone chooses to waste their precious memories with family in exchange for the flat screen TV they've coveted for so long, your status isn't going to change the fact that they are an asshole. 

Your status could, however, make someone second guess going out with their family on Black Friday as a tradition because they feel the judgmental guilt you have bestowed upon them. 

Me? 

I won't be Black Friday shopping on Thursday or Friday in the late/early hours because I don't like people that much. The last time I went out on Black Friday I heard a man yell at the top of his lungs in a Toys R US parking lot,

"THAT MAN JUST WHIPPED HIS WEINER OUT! THAT MAN! THAT MAN RIGHT THERE IN THE RED HOODIE JUST WHIPPED HIS WEINER OUT IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTER!"

(He was peeing by a van and didn't see the little girl but that was enough for me to decide I was being out-crazied at every turn and should have just stayed home and ordered online.)

The fact is crazy people act crazier when in large crowds and I already get all throat punchy at Walmart on a Tuesday. It is a public service for me to stay home. 

I wish you all the happiest of Thanksgivings and I hope you spend it with people who make you happy doing what makes you happy.