Day 29: 2 year old manners

Men take note.

My son crawled in my lap yesterday to watch a movie. I thought that was sweet. What happened next took me aback.

Sam started caressing my boobs. Lovingly doting on them. I'm not kidding.

Me: Sam what are you doing?
Sam: rubbing
Me: stop it. You can't rub momma's boobies.
Sam: but I want to.
Me: lots of people want to. They don't get to either.
Sam: can I rub them?
Me: no.
Sam: but I like them!
Me: I'm sorry but no.
Sam: can I rub your leg?
Me: sure honey.

I will say, he didn't pay near as much attention to my leg though.

This got me thinking, what if all men acted this way?

See some boobs? Wanna rub them? And then just go with it.

I'm pretty sure a lot of men would be walking around funny a lot of the time.

Or how might the world go if every time a man wanted to touch someone's boobs, they go up to her and ask, "can I rub them?"

I mean, I get it, they are nature's pillows. But I don't think women would come out much if that's how it went down.

So today I'm thankful that this encounter happened with a two year old... Not forty.

Day 28: Matthew Boyd

After my post on #27, I get a message from Matt saying this sounded like a challenge to break into my car. Challenge accepted.

So I texted him to ask him if he wanted me to make sure to lock the doors so it was at least a challenge. He said yes.

Then I got this picture and a message that said, "done."

I have the coolest friends.

I will say this, I could go on and on about the blessing that Matthew has been in my life, but that kind of goes against the style of my blog and would be unfair to the other amazing people in my life. So you know who you are. And thank you.

Day 27: Pliers

In case you didn't know, I drive the sexiest car in the history of ever. A 1997 Honda Accord. Sexy.

The paint is barely there. As previously mentioned in another post on the wonders of Internet radio, there is a hole where my previous two stereos were. The lights will not come on inside the car. According to my sensors, the emergency brake is always on (it isn't). And there is a very large crack running the length of the windshield.

And I love this car. It is fairly reliable, it has no payment, and it doesn't use much gas.

Earlier in the summer, I went to turn on the air conditioner and I heard a loud crack. And the air conditioner temperature control nob came off in my hand. Fantastic.

Now I was stuck on full blast cold. Always. No bueno.

So what's a resourceful girl to do?

Most would say get a new nob. And they'd be wrong. That would take effort and me going to an auto parts store. Neither are okay with me. One takes energy I'm not willing to give. Scratch that. Both do.

So I drove myself to my local Walmart in sub zero temperatures (inside the car, outside was quite lovely actually) and bought myself some pliers.

Since I'm blogging from my phone, all pics are at the bottom, but I will make tomorrow's post about the person who slips a box cutter into my car so I can take the zip tie off my pliers.

Now check out this sexiness. The boys find me irresistible when I bust out my pliers.

Day 26: Benny and Joon

This has to be my favorite movie of all time. It is my go to movie when I'm feeling down. Or if I want to spend a few hours wrapped up in a blanket feeling good about humanity.

Here are a few of my favorite clips since it seems most of adult America does not know this movie (which if you are one them, correct this immediately).

Here is the trailer:



Where you fall in love with Sam...



Why raisins are the devil (even though my Sam loves them)...



I've always wanted to try this...



And lastly, easily my favorite scene...



I mean, you can't go wrong with a romantic love story about crazy people. And the movie starts with The Proclaimers singing "500 miles". Everyone loves that song!

It also helps that I named my son Sam and if I have a daughter, I'll want to name her June. This movie is just perfect.

Day 25: Sunday naps with Sam

I live for weekend naps with my son. Yes with my son. No, not just at the same time.

I don't remember how or when it started, but somehow we have come accustomed to eating lunch then taking a nap in my bed.

Sam lays on daddy's pillow. And to delay going to sleep he will do an assortment of the following things:

"mommy can I give you hugs and kisses?"

"mommy, will you share your pillow?"

"mommy, can we talk while we watch tv?"

"mommy will you wake me up?"

"mommy, I love you."

"mommy, when we get up, can we watch monkey?"

"mommy, can I hold your hand?"

I have to say, most naps we do fall asleep holding hands. It is awesome.

And when he wakes up and it isn't quite time to get up, and he crawls over and lays his head on my chest and falls back to sleep... Those days are the best.

Day 24: Tickets to the Gun Show

I like to square my son up against other adults to say silly things like, "I'll give you a knuckle-sammich!" or "I'll thump your gourd!" or "I'll clock you in the snot box!" things of that nature.

Last night we were eating with Justin's aunt and uncle and I tried to teach Sam to say, "did you buy the tickets?" to which his aunt said, "what tickets?"

Sam was supposed to make a muscle on his arm and say, "to the gun show!"

He didn't.

He did keep asking me if he could have a gun. And I kept explaining that there weren't any guns.

For the rest of the night and this morning that child has come up to me and this is our conversation:

Sam: can I play with guns?
Me: Sam we don't have any guns here.
Sam: but aunt Donna said we had to get the tickets.
Me: that was to the gun show. Your arm muscles are your guns.
Sam: no. I dont like those. I want guns.
Me: sorry. Those are the only guns we have here.
Sam: But I got the tickets!!!!

Day 23: Socks

At a very basic level, socks are genius.

Have you ever ran out the door for whatever reason without socks on? Especially in work shoes or tennis shoes?

Yuck. It takes about 10 seconds to realize the error of your ways. It magnifies the foot smell, the sole of the shoe sticks to your foot... Nothing. Sexy.

And then there is the fact of the matter that feet are cold 90% of the time, probably more for me.

Socks to the rescue!

And in the day we live in, you can get any socks you want. Tall socks, short socks, ankle socks. White socks, striped socks, spotted socks. Dress socks, athletic socks, stockings. There are even socks you can put each individual toe in (and for the record: ewww).

So thanks socks. I lurv you.

Day 22: Lollipops

My son inherited his grandpas hair (my dad). Thick and curly.

He also inherited me as a mom. Impatient and OCD.

What does this mean?

I can't be patient through the "my son looks like a beach bum" stage to get to the super cute curly hair stage.

Enter lollipops.

I can give Sam a hair cut without trying to cut an ear off or wanting to back hand him so hard he forgets his name because he won't be still.

No, no, no. I pop a lollipop in his mouth and cut away.

And now he looks like a handsome little man. #winning

Day 21: Pillows

Yesterday, during my Thanksgiving nap, it occurred to me that... Dang pillows are nice.

I mean, there is the genius of laying your head on a fluffy layer of relaxation, don't get me wrong. But I also can appreciate them for their drool catching properties.

Hi. I am Rikki. And I'm a drooler. Here is hoping my aunt isn't reading this as the nap was at her house.

Day 20: Groupon, Day 21: Safety Pins

Day 20: The Groupon

I'm thankful for these for a number of reasons, the main one being I'm cheap but I like food.

If you haven't discovered Groupon yet, then you don't know what you are missing. They get with local restaurants and stores and offer a group coupon (get it... Groupon... clever) and if enough people buy it, you get something for an extreme discount.

Examples we have bought are:
Half off to a restaurant
Half off to a restaurant
Half off to a restaurant
Half off to a restaurant

That's really all we buy. But it is like, "Get $20 of meals for $10" or "Appetizer, Two Entrees, and Two Drinks for $12". It is normally at least half off though.

And this isn't exclusive to Groupon. There is also DealChicken and DailyDeals. I get all three everyday and I am pretty good about only buying the ones we would use. So anyway... check it out!

The reason I brought this up today was because my wonderful, kickass "babysitter" (for lack of a better term) conned my child into staying the night with her last night (literally conned. As in, when he said he wanted to go home with Mommy, she said, "Well I guess Lilli and I will just watch tv and eat candy by ourselves." Conned). So I got home to just a husband. And I realize I used to cook for just me and Justin all the time before a certain little boy came into our life, but now if Sam isn't here, I'm like, "Ugh. Cooking is for cavemen."

Well we had a handy dandy Groupon left over from a few months back that we never used for a local Italian place. HOT DOG! I didn't have to cook last night. Groupon is awesome.

Day 21: Safety Pins

If I'm being honest, I love safety pins for three reasons.

1) I'm cheap and I don't like mending clothes. Example: I have a pair of pants that I love to wear and I find very flattering, but they are missing a button. I could sew the button back on, but at this point, I've lost the button. And this isn't just some button you can run down to Walmart to buy. It is a pretty distinct button. Since I'm not ready to retire these pants, I just safety pin them. Cheapness wins again!

2) They are just handy! For instance, I have a few tops that, let's just say, were built in a way that is not quite in keeping with my proportions. I literally had to send this text out the other day so that I wasn't the talk of the campus:

"Do you have a safety pin I could use? My boobs are winning the argument with my buttons and I need a mediator."

And you know what, I got a safety pin. Because other women also recognize the genius in safety pins. Crisis averted.

3) The alternative is a straight pin. And those hurt. No matter how you use a straight pin, it either hurts you or the poor fool who decided to hug you.

Day 19: My Toe Thumbs

This one is going to be kind of long but it is riddled with people making fun of me, so I hope you stay for the whole thing. You may be dumber as a result but no worse than an episode of Honey Boo Boo or the Kardashians. 

It all started one day in the 4th or 5th grade when I sitting next to my friend Clarissa (hi Clarissa!) waiting on the bus. I happened to see her thumbs and thought... wow those are weird. So I told her. Because I've always had tact. 

She then looks at my thumbs and freaks out. "No! You have weird thumbs!" Well I couldn't have this so we start comparing thumbs to those around us. 

I, in fact, had the weird thumbs. 

This caused some identity issues, admittedly. Now I was deformed. Bummer. 

So from that moment on, people started noticing my "toe thumbs." And they do. They look like toes. 

The computer hates me. It wouldn't rotate. Just bend your head sideways. You won't look as dumb as I do with toe thumbs! No worries. 

So as I progressed through life, people would look at my thumbs and laugh. When they needed a pick me up, when life wasn't going their way, I could look at them and show them my thumbs, and I guess they would be thankful that their hands were 100% hands and not just 80% hands and 20% foot. Lucky them. 

So on the way to church this morning, my wonderful husband catches notice of them. And wonders to himself, I wonder if their is anything on internet about your thumbs. 

I did not think there would be much. I mean, I knew that Megan Fox had been identified as a fellow toe-thumber... but that's about it. 

No. Not it at all. 

There is a toe thumb page on Wikipedia. WIKIPEDIA! 

There is a toethumb.com. This is apparently a SUPPORT GROUP for folks like us. And the people on this page are all... "I feel like I belong now!" Really? Is this necessary? 

In our Justin's research, we also found that the gypsies referred to this as MURDERER's THUMB. Murderer. I have the thumbs of a murderer apparently. 

Which bears the question, how crazy are you folk for making fun of them? Flirting with fate is what you are doing. I have the genes of a murderer. 

Just when we thought it wasn't crazy enough... like people really need to get a life and move on... we find this... 

http://www.inquisitr.com/25885/megan-fox-has-freaky-thumbs/

The first line is, "Would you still hit that?" 

REALLY?! My thumbs are sexy as hell. You'd be lucky to get with this. 

Would you hit that? I would hit you. On the head. With a hammer. A hammer tightly gripped with my TOE THUMBS. 

Assholes. 

Let this GIF play through. 

Also... there is a place on Facebook. To "Like Megan Fox's Toe Thumbs." 

Her thumbs have a following. Of 2,966 people. 

Damn near 3,000 have taken time out of their lives to like her thumbs. 

Maybe it's just me, but have you noticed her rack? Get a grip people. 

So all in all, I'm thankful for my very rare (only 4% of the world's population has them) toe thumbs. They are delightful. They are sexy. And they are truly hard to nab in a game of thumb wrestling. 

Day 18: This Shirt

The picture will speak for itself but that doesn't come until the end.

Tracy and I were killing time in NWA and stumbled into a Goodwill. We decided to look for white attire for the Color Run.

We chose a divide and conquer method and then we would present our findings to each other.

As per usual, Tracy did not disappoint. Her last presentation was this sweet shirt. Scroll down then join me for discussion...

... You back?

Is that not a sweet shirt?

I have lots of questions surrounding this shirt. Like,

Who bought this shirt originally?

Why did they think Goodwill needed it?

How much does a shirt like this cost brand new?

Why would Tracy not wear it to Hooters for lunch as I suggested?

Day 17: This Toy

Justin and I found Sam one of his Christmas gifts today. We were walking by a Hallmark store in McCain Mall and they have these bedtime buddy things where your kid can cuddle up to this stuffed animal and as you read the story the stuffed animal reacts to what you say.

I thought that was pretty cute but I wasn't convinced yet. I mean, if the story sucks, who cares if the bear talks or not? Am I right?

So I had to read the story to see if it was worthy.

Since I'm blogging from my phone the pics will be at the end, but it is a story about a monster and a boy named Sam!

We had to get it. How cool will it be for me to read a story to Sam about a boy named Sam and a monster named Bigsby.... While he holds Bigsby?!

I can't wait until Christmas now.

Day 16: kid songs

I'm really only thinking of two.

5 little monkeys swinging in the tree (which I will refer to as the monkey song from here on out) and hush little baby.

The story:

When Sam was a baby, it seemed like the only song that would make him feel better or at least calm the crap down was Hush Little Baby.

It was so sweet. He would stop crying long enough for me to sing that song, then start right back after I finished. It was simple really. Sing that song constantly and he was happy.

It got to a point that he would grin a goofy grin every time I started the song. This was from about 6 months old to at least 18 months. It was so precious.

I was away at a conference one time when he was a little over one and I sung it over Skype and he even grinned real big then.

And even now when I sing it, it calms him down. This shouldnt be a problem in high school, right?

The monkey song has a pretty cool story too. Susan started singing it to him and he would be mesmerized. Like the world stopped turning while she sang this song.

For those who don't know, the lyrics are:

5 little monkeys
Swinging in a tree
Teasing mr. Alligator,
"you can't catch me! You can't catch me!"
Along came mr. Alligator,
Quiet as can be...
And SNATCHED that monkey right out of the tree.

Now Sam sings it with me and his face when we are teasing mr. Alligator is the funniest thing ever. So adorable.

I tried documenting it but for some reason he will only do it when naked and I shouldn't share that with the interwebs.

Day 15: Internet Radio

I don't know if you know this or not, but my radio has been stolen out of my car. Twice.

The first time it was a fancy radio with a broken cd player. It was a pain in ass to replace the windows but I got a new radio out of it.

Until another hood rat put eyes on my new fully functioning radio.

Now this is the part of the story where my husband and I disagree, but in my view, a busted window sucked, so I just left the car unlocked. Steal the radio if you want but leave the windows alone.

And the night my radio was stolen the second time there was shattered glass everywhere in the parking lot and like four other reports of stolen radios. So I stand by my reasoning. At least my windows weren't bashed in.

I should have taken the faceplate off... But I digress.

So since donating two radios to the local youth, I decided that I'm too cheap to buy another one.

So on my way to work I listen to the radio! On my phone! Through the interwebs! Awesome.

I got a wild hair today and did "New Kids on the Block" radio on Pandora.

Judge all you want, but that was amazing!

The Right Stuff - NKOTB
Push It - Salt n Pepa
Funky Cold Medina - Tone Loc

Awesome-sauce.

Day 14: Raisins

I realize not a lot of people are thankful for raisins. But I am.

Because my son thinks they are candy. For real.

I'm pretty sure the only thing he would choose over raisins would be a sucker. That's it.

This morning I gave him his milk and pop tart (I offered eggs and he not so politely declined... Like this..."no! I don't want eggs!"). I went in the bathroom to get ready. He came in a few minutes later.

He comes up to me, grins his goofy cute grin, then hugged my leg as tight as he could.

And I fell for it. I was all, "aww! What got into you Sam? I sure love you."

And he grinned really big and hugged a little tighter and then said, "mommy... I sure need some raisins."

Yup. That happened.

Day 13: Baby monitors

Because without them, I wouldn't hear my son screaming like a drill sergeant at 5:30 am, "Mom-MEEEEEEEEE! Mom-EEEEEEEEEEE! Mummy! Mom! Mom! Mom-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Seriously, the day he stops yelling for me, waiting in his bed for me to get him, hugging me, and resting his head on my shoulder while I bring him downstairs.... That's the day my soul dies a little.

This morning every time I went to kiss his head he would intercept with a sugar for Momma.

So thanks baby monitors.

Day 12: The Googles

Can you imagine a time without Google? I can't.

I mean. I can. I played outside a lot more. Was more tan. Skinnier... I digress.

The Googles is amazing!

Want to know why? Other than the obvious that it knows all things?

It tells me what to shop for. In my job, I'm supposed to shop for RA program supplies. And that normally results in a trip to Hobby Lobby.

Now for me, this is a unique form of torture. Out of the 15,000 times I've been in that store for, I still only know where the paint and the streamers are. And they keep moving the damned streamers.

What are alligator clips? What type of leather makes the best bracelets? I can't tell you how many times "pretty beads" has been on my list, like I know what constitutes that.

The latest on my list: rat tail cord. Apparently I need several yards.

So since they don't have, "I don't belong here... Help me!" signs at the front of Hobby Lobby, I'll be using the Googles to figure this out.

Thanks be to Google.

Day 11: modern day oatmeal packets

Y'all get ready because I'm about to drop a knowledge bomb on you.

Did you know that there is a line on the package that measures out 2/3 cup of water? Because it is there and it is awesome!

If you are like me you know for a fact that you own 100 measuring cups but on any given day you can only find three and they are either the wrong size, dirty, or have all the numbers rubbed off so you can't tell what you are working with anyway.

Praise be to the handy dandy new line.

Day 10: Dog cones

My dog has a problem with chewing his ass. Currently the problem is he can't because we put a big cone on his head which makes chewing his ass impossible.

Without the cone on, though, boy does he chew his ass. Last night we look it off for like 30 minutes to see how he would do. How'd he do?

He made up for lost time and went into ass chewing overdrive. So back in the cone you go!

Which brings me to my thankfulness. I mean these things are genius, they really are. Because aside from ass chewing prevention, what other contraption can you put on a dog that makes them a lampshade and a basketball goal all at the same time?

I mean when he is looking out the window and I get his attention and he looks back at me... That crap gets me tickled because he looks like that Picar lampshade!

And I've mentioned before how my son likes to throw balls in his cone then watch him get them out. That's pretty funny stuff too. Especially when it's a small bouncy ball and it gets stuck and the dog starts wiggling out.

But the inspiration this morning came from me standing in the kitchen trying to find something to eat and them the dog caught my eye. And I swear he was looking at me like Tiny Tim, "please sir, may I some more food?"

So I go get him some food. I put it in the bowl. And then he kept ramming his little cone head into the bowl but couldn't eat. Geez that made me giggle.

Don't call PETA or anything. I helped him out. Then I took a picture of the solution to share with the interwebs.

Day 8 & 9: GPS and ring pops

Bless the gps. I'm not sure modern day people could go back to good old fashioned map reading. I imagine any encounter to go find food somewhere would go a little something like this...

Sitting in a hotel room deciding on dinner:
Flo: let's go eat at that Mexican place. The map here says it is pretty close.
Fred: let me see that. Oh hell Flo! Look at all those roads!
Flo: oh Fred. It doesn't look that bad."
Fred: we would get lost. Map readin is hard.
Flo: c'mon. I want a chimichanga.
Fred: pizza hut still delivers don't they?honey let's have Italian.

And bless the ring pop. Is it candy? Is it jewelry? There's no need to decide!

It is glamorous. It is delicious. And it made a certain 2.5 year old boy super happy he landed a wicked cool mom like me today.

Days 6 & 7: conditioner and Qtips

Without conditioner, my hair is an unmanageable tangled mess of ouch and ewwww.

And Qtips? My love for Qtips isn't quite a secret. And I miss them today because I am in a hotel and I forgot to pack them.

Same with the conditioner. Here is a little message for hotels: supply conditioner. If nothing else, the women will be nicer to look at.

Day 5: Little boys underwear

Now before you go alerting the authorities, how cute are little boys underwear?!

Especially when you throw my son's chunky tushy in them... er meh gerd!

In reality, I had something way better earlier in the day, then I forgot, got a major sinus headache and I just really didn't want to forget about this bloggy thing I've committed to. And then Sam ran by me in his underwear. And that shit is cute.

Want to know what else is cute?

Sam: Mom can I sleep with you tonight?
Me: No baby, not tonight.
Sam: God said I could sleep with you tonight.
Me: Did he now?
Sam: He said it five times!

Bless it. Sam as a teenager is gonna be hard.

Day 4: feminine hygiene products

Because ewwwww to be a lady before these lovely inventions!

And back then, no one warned you of the imminent bloodshed. When my grandma started her period, she asked her mom and was told, "you must have cut yourself crossing a barbed wire fence."

Excuse me?! If I am still bleeding 7 days from now from a cut from a fence, TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL!!!

For bologna's sake, it is a miracle we live after bleeding several days straight anyway. Give a girl a heads up!

But we live in a world where lovely women dressed in all white will show us how these magical products will soak up a lovely and not disgusting blue liquid.

You draw your own conclusions...I'm just thankful for the damned things.

Day 3: Americanized Foods

Can you imagine a world without canned spaghetti sauce?

I can. And it sucks. So for my 3rd day of thanks I'm giving it up for Americanized foods.

Packaged noodles, I salute you.
Ragu, I love you.
Sliced bread, well there is a whole saying about you!

If it weren't for these things and many others, I'm not sure my family would ever eat. I mean, we would, but it would just be fruits and veggies. And that's only if I could still buy them on my way home. If it were up to me or Justin to forage for berries or kill for meat, I believes I'd end up in indentured servitude in exchange for food.

So thanks canned spaghetti sauce! You rock.

30 Days of thanks: Days 1 & 2

Blogging from the phone...

Day 1: I'm thankful for emergency funds. I despise debt. Like with the fire of 1000 suns. Every time I pay a bill that has interest it feels like I am just wadding up money and throwing it into the wind. So when our upstairs furnace went out and we discovered the downstairs furnace was damaged from the Great Lightning Incident of 2012, I was heartbroken to hear the total bill. But you know what? I had the money to just pay cash and lick my wounds and it felt great. Now to build the savings back up bc lawdy lawdy did it take a hit!

Day 2: I am thankful for the way children illustrate their requests. For instance, my son requested to watch the monster movie this morning. Bit instead of just asking for the monster movie, he says, "momma, let's watch the monster movie... RAWR! RAWR! RAAAWWWRRRRR!"

Adults should illustrate our thoughts like this. It would make our days go by so much quicker. Think about it.

You are in a meeting with your boss and you are requesting money for an event with dancing. "I'll need at least $500 for the dj please," then start beat boxing and do the stanky leg.

Let's start the movement people. Only good things can come from this.