WTF Wednesday: My Tuesday

I swear my life is one giant SNL skit mixed with a Lifetime movie. It is awkward little mix that keeps me on my toes. I often end up just shaking my head saying, "There is no way this happens to other people."

Let's start from the top.

Every morning when I drop Sam off at daycare, he wants to "wave at me outside." This means stand up on the couch and wave at me through the big window. Which is adorable and rad and I love it.

Yesterday I finally had enough sense to take a picture of it. (yes I was the creepy lady taking pictures of kids through a window... yes I would cut a person for doing this very same thing).

How friggin adorable is this?! I die. I die a little bit.

On Tuesdays I typically watch another little girl so that her mom can go to a meeting. It is lots of fun usually but I also usually have reinforcements (read: husband) to help entertain while I cook. Except Justin had a late work night this Tuesday.

What did I do?

Punted. And decided to take them to Burger King with an indoor play place because yay no cooking and my new Jen Lancaster book isn't going to read itself, naw mean?!

While we were eating, we did our "Best and Worst" where we all say the best and worst thing about our day.

Lily said her worst was going to timeout but her best was getting to spend time with us and eat together at Burger King.

So sweet and heartfelt. She is a little sweetheart.

Then it was Sam's turn.

And my sadistic little shit said, "My worst was that me and Lily went to time out. My best was that Cullen did too."



Misery loves company?! I just shook my head. Teenage years are going to rough on me folks.

They finished up and went to go play. I caught up on some Candy Crush when I looked up and the children in my care that I would prefer not get a staph infection were running in the play place area without socks. 

NO SOCKS! 

I am a redneck country girl who prefers no shoes and socks at almost all times. There are three exceptions to the barefoot rule: 

1.) Hospitals/doctors offices
2.) Strip clubs/casinos/shady bars
3.) PLAY PLACES! 

And I have had this conversation with Sam before. He knew better. 

I called him over to the table and asked him what in hell he was doing with his socks off. 

He says, "I like it better with no socks." 

I said, "You can either go put your socks back on and play or you can try to play with my foot up your butt. You pick." 

He decided to go get his socks on and he kindly informed Lily that it might be preferable to do so as well. 

They ran into the play place happily feet-clad in socks... and my son comes out of the play place with a FLINGING FLANGING LASER! 

I knew darned well I didn't give him a laser which means he is picking up random crap from inside the cess pool of death (read: play place). But the best part of this is that since he found this, it clearly  made him ruler of the short people (read: kids) and he was ordering them around like he owned them. 

If he pointed, then went. If he wanted to cut in front of them, they let him. 

Because he had a laser. 

Now I was on the other side of the glass, so for all I know he was telling them he would ruin their lives with his laser if they didn't succumb to his requests, but it was quite entertaining living in ignorance on the other side of the glass. 

And as it turns out it wasn't a laser. It was a Polly Pocket light that resembled a laser. 

But with it came complete control of the miniature people so Sam was still walking around with the swag of a congressman. 



As it was time to leave, Sam and Lily go to grab a Burger King crown each. Except Sam grabs two for himself. 

I say, "Sam, you only get one hat." 

He sticks his lip out and frowns and looks down at his feet in defeat. 

Then he looks up slightly, raises one eyebrow (if I'm lying I'm dying), gives me a half grin and says while holding out the second crown, "Mommy... I got you a hat." Then he grins really big like he is super proud of himself. 

We left with four hats. I'm a sucker for an evil grin, what can I say? 

When we got home and Lily's mom got there, my dog that has an invisible trampoline under him at all times jumps up all fours into her lap in our super high kitchen chairs. 

My dog has an unhealthy obsession with Amy and eating her hair. True story. 

After they left, Sam wanted to practice writing and for the first time he wrote his name! 

Yes that is a smug grin on his face. No he didn't write the one you can read. He wrote the barely deciferable version underneath it (and to the side). 

How did I teach him? 

S is a squiggly line that is really two half circles. 

A is an o with a line on the right side. 

M is a line with two humps (not to be confused with a B which is a line and two bumps). 

And then "My Humps" by Black Eyed Peas was in my head for the rest of the night. 

What letter should have lady lumps? Anyone? 

Get Your Thanksgiving Panties out of a Bunch

Watch out guys! Rikki has her sassy-pants on today! 




Someone please enlighten me. When did being a pompous ass with your nose in everyone else's business become more preferable than greedy consumers? Exactly when did that occur? 

I'm so sick of seeing all these posts on Facebook of people posting their status as some guilt trip for anyone who plans to shop on Thanksgiving or Black Friday. 

Bitch #1:
I've seen people post that they need to be focusing on Jesus on Thanksgiving because He is the reason for the season. 



-- Umm... no He isn't. You are thinking of Pilgrims and Native Americans. Or Christmas. 

Bitch #2: 
How about the post on "take back Thanksgiving" and boycott those companies who open on Thanksgiving night or midnight on Friday. 

-- This is a losing battle folks. If you want to boycott them, by all means do so. But I challenge you to think of this another way... 

What if Black Friday shopping is a tradition for this family. What if shopping together at Thanksgiving is a cherished memory for them? 

Do you have traditions of your own? Did the pilgrims sit down with the Indians and watch a vigorous game of football? Did they sit down together and play board games? Did they go out and catch the latest release of the Hunger Games? Why is shopping so terrible when most of us do one or all of the previous listed things? 

Get over yourself. 

Bitch #3: 
Every time you decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving an elf dies. (or a cat... or angel loses its wings... or a disease ridden rat bites a baby... whatever). 

-- Listen folks. I loves me some Thanksgiving as much as the next person. And I think big department stores whip out the Christmas stuff a bit early myself. But does it hurt you in some way if a family gets joy from seeing their decorations up before we gorge ourselves on turkey? Does it hurt you in some way? 

Because the thing is... there are no such things as elves... and if God takes away an angel's wings b/c of a tree decorated in twinkly lights then perhaps I've gone a picked an asshole God to worship... 

Again... there are pedophiles and murderers roaming the streets but DAMMIT DO NOT PUT UP A JOYFUL TREE DECORATION IN YOUR HOME BEFORE WE SLAUGHTER A TURKEY!!!!! 

BE DAMNED YE SATAN WORSHIPPERS!!!!!

Maybe it is just me but there could be bigger fish to fry in the world than over-zealous Christmas decorators? 



What is the moral of my rant this morning? 

Mind your own business and do what makes you happy this Thanksgiving. Life is too short to be butting into everyone else's lives. If someone chooses to waste their precious memories with family in exchange for the flat screen TV they've coveted for so long, your status isn't going to change the fact that they are an asshole. 

Your status could, however, make someone second guess going out with their family on Black Friday as a tradition because they feel the judgmental guilt you have bestowed upon them. 

Me? 

I won't be Black Friday shopping on Thursday or Friday in the late/early hours because I don't like people that much. The last time I went out on Black Friday I heard a man yell at the top of his lungs in a Toys R US parking lot,

"THAT MAN JUST WHIPPED HIS WEINER OUT! THAT MAN! THAT MAN RIGHT THERE IN THE RED HOODIE JUST WHIPPED HIS WEINER OUT IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTER!"

(He was peeing by a van and didn't see the little girl but that was enough for me to decide I was being out-crazied at every turn and should have just stayed home and ordered online.)

The fact is crazy people act crazier when in large crowds and I already get all throat punchy at Walmart on a Tuesday. It is a public service for me to stay home. 

I wish you all the happiest of Thanksgivings and I hope you spend it with people who make you happy doing what makes you happy. 

The Many Uses of The Big Pink... And Balls

See what I did there? I crack myself up...

For those of you new to my blog (there are a ton of you guys) you should catch up on the big pink before continuing on...

The Original
The Sequel

That's good stuff.

As we were having dinner tonight, Justin's mom was over and she and Sam were playing. I heard them talking about playing baseball and Grandma was going to throw it and Sam needed his bat...

I rounded out of the kitchen and this is what I saw...



Many people ask why I haven't gotten rid of this thing yet...

The entertainment with this thing is endless (much like its structure...). But seriously... it pops up at the most inopportune times but makes me laugh every time. And who cares if our company doesn't know what to think or averts their eyes awkwardly and suddenly remember a prior engagement even though they brought over dessert and wine? So what if they never call us again and never return phone calls?

It is a small price to pay for hilarious stories about my child with an obscene dog toy.

On to the balls...

It was just one ball. The Senators Ball we had as a fundraiser at work. We had a lot of fun at this thing. There weren't a lot of us there, but the ones that came had a great time!

List of things that happened:

1. (#1 has been removed to protect the good name of those involved. Thankfully, no one from HR was around to witness the redacted incident.)

2. My friend Assadi and I started a trend of "classy dancing". This is when you get out and dance while maintaining your glass of wine. It is imperative you keep drinking while you dance though. If you can do this without spilling, you are classy. The DJ even joined in.

3. I cultured the party animals at work on Clarence Carter's Strokin' song and line dance. This was my request to the DJ and I'm pretty sure I lost any resemblance of respect I had with my co-workers on account of this song. All that said... oh well! It was hilarious!



Pics of me and my frans...

Happy weekend!

Five on Friday: Songs that Make me Dance!

Today's Five on Friday post is themed: Songs that make me dance no matter what. 

Let's define dance, shall we? 



There's a little bit of that... 

And a little bit of this... 



And then some more of this... 



A fun time to be had by all in my opinion. I got moves like Jaggeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... 


Anyway, when I hear these songs, almost no matter what, I start dancing. Driving down the road, in a grocery store, on Pandora... doesn't matter. I'll start dancing. 

Here we go! 

~ONE~ 

Poison: Bel Biv Devoe



~TWO~ 

That's Not My Name: The Ting Tings



~THREE~

Whiney Whiney: Willi One Blood



~FOUR~

Push It: Salt-N-Pepa



~FIVE~

Let Me Clear My Throat: DJ Kool



I would now like to encourage you to play these one at a time and watch the dancing memes at the top go! Fun stuff. Here are some more... 



Tina Fey may be my alter ego. 



Beyonce can get it.. 



And so can Christopher Walken... 



Get to dancing people. There's a weekend a comin'! 

Thrifty Thursday

You know what is difficult to do the day after you go on a rant about selfies? 

Ask someone else to take your picture so you can do your Thrifty Thursday post... 



Anyway... without further adeiu... 

Thrifty Thursday! 

I went with the Hubby Jack "grab the elbow and look away" pose this time. I just wish I had a fence! And I wish I had a cleaner office. 

Today's outfit actually kind of cracks me up because while none of what I'm wearing was purchased in a thrift shop, I literally spent $10 on the whole thing. 

How you ask? 

The green top was purchased at JC Penney with a Christmas gift card (that I coupled with a coupon and super awesome sale... but still cost me none of my own money which is rad). 

The cardigan was purchased on clearance at Kohl's one million years ago with a gift card/coupon as well. 

The pants were also purchased at Kohl's with a Christmas gift card coupled with a major sale. 

The boots were purchased online at Target and were also on clearance for $7. 

Did you hear that?! $7 boots! This is why when people tell me they got a good deal on their boots for $75 I immediately check them for a fever or drugs... b/c they must not be feeling well to feel like that is a deal. 

The pearls were $3 at Walmart to replace the family heirloom pearls that my son broke and I haven't made time to go get fixed. And then last weekend I broke these $3 ones. 

What did I do? Had my husband rig it to wear they still worked without having to splurge on an additional $3. May seem like overkill to some, but could you tell they were broken? 

Yes I'm that cheap. But if it can be fixed, why spend money on something new? 




Okay I'm not that bad. But still, you get me? 


Seems like wasted money to me and that makes me uncomfortable and awkward. 



This is me on a date. I don't care if you tell me to order whatever I want, paying that much for food that doesn't make me younger, thinner, and funnier isn't worth it. 


This is more my style... 



And you better believe my honey buns are in the Walgreens on the 15th racking up on the good candy. 

WTF Wednesday: "Selfie" as the word of the YEAR!

Oxford dictionary has claimed the word of the year 2013 is:

SELFIE

I just died a little and threw up in my mouth... all at the same time.

What a way to go...

SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!

If you need to check, here you go:
http://www.cnn.com/2013/11/19/living/selfie-word-of-the-year/

CNN confirmed it.

Here is my "selfie" in response to the fact that "selfie" is the word of the year.

Can we just talk about how much this word freaks me out? 

Am I the only one that think "selfie" sounds really gross? Like its a little too much information? 

Example:

"Ya'll excuse me, I need to do a selfie." 

Yeah that sounds like you are going to have some private time to go double click your mouse. 

ewgrossstopsayingthat

List of words that are equally offensive and off-putting: 

Panties

Moist

Juicy

They give me the heebee-jeebies and I need folks to knock it off! 

And notice none of those got freaking word of the year?! 

Anyway... in honor of this travesty I've decided to demonstrate my impression of all the different type of "selfies" there are. This is my own little "selfie instructional guide" (that's what she said... ew!). 

The "I have a secret photographer in the car, look how cute I am when I drive" Selfie

These crack me up. Were we supposed to be wondering how you look when you drive? Do you ever wonder what others look like when they drive? I've always imagined it looks THE EXACT SAME as when they sit in a chair but I'm clearly wrong because all the time people post this one. 

The "Look How Sexy I am as a Duck" Selfie

Bless your hearts for this one. Is this supposed to be sexy? Because, maybe I'm not the audience you are going for, but I do like to go "duck hunting" on Facebook and yell "BANG!" every time I see this picture. And is the purpose to show the world how far you can purse your lips out? Remind us that you are sexy? Convince us you are sexy? You like the way it makes your chin dimple up? Help me, Tom Cruise! I need answers! 

The "Am I the Most Adorable Person on the Planet? I think so!" Selfie

Not that a lot of you guys aren't freaking adorable enough for me to roll you up and stick you in my pocket, but I have a hard time figuring out what you are trying to convey here. Is this a reminder for us that you are happy with your life so you want to show off your "glow"? Are you looking lovingly upon a puppy wrapped in a kitten cuddling with a stuffed unicorn? Inquiring minds want to know! 

The "Look at my Boobs and Shoes" Selfie

This one never ceases to crack me up. WHAT IS THIS?! (It should also be known that in order for my shoe to even show up in the picture I had to stand in the most awkward and unnatural way... good times) Is this picture to show off an outfit? Because you can't tell much about it. Is it to reduce chins? Because it almost always puts your nose at an unflattering angle. Is it to show off your shoes? Because you can't tell shit about my shoes here. Just be honest... it makes your boobs look good. Or disproportionate. Whatever. 

The "Sexy Look of Desperation" Selfie

I can't quite capture this one and I'm sorry about that. Its because it is one of the more baffling ones for me. WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? Do you want me to think you are sad? Cute when sad? Should I call a hotline when you post this? Is it a cry for help? Am I supposed to comment on your mysterious beauty? This picture makes me so awkward both trying to re-create it and when I see it posted.

The "I Shouldn't Have Trusted that Fart" Selfie

WHAT IS THIS ONE?! Its like it is trying to say, "Look how cute and innocent I am except that I clearly want you to know about it so clearly I'm not all that cute and innocent but look how sexy I am as I bite on my innocent little finger but I'm also trying to convey that little finger isn't innocent at all!" You people who post this one... You're my favorite. But seriously, this face says to me, "I have a secret... uh oh... now it isn't so secret..." 

The "Look How Cute I am after I Potty" Selfie

I know mirrors are the selfie lovers best friend (TWSS... ewGODgross!) but c'mon guys! Is the thought process here, "Man that was a great poop. I feel so cute I think I'll document it!"? Maybe I'm the only one, but after using the restroom I am more focused on, "Wash hands. Get back to work." Am I in the minority here? Just do your biniz and get out. It's not hard! (That's also what she said... maybe that's why she's taking a selfie ;-) 

And lastly... 

The "I need to document this but I have no idea what to do with my face!" Selfie

And for you guys that post this... I get you. I really get you. I'm pretty sure this is my permanent face. That and "judgmental eyes".

I see how this selfie came to be. There are times that you need to document with a picture but I don't want to be the asshole in the other pictures so I figure if I contort my face a little bit, I'll get forgiveness from the masses.

Does it work? 

What selfies did I miss? Which is your worst pet peeve selfie? 

Sunday Funday! Old Fashioned Candy Buttons, Icees, and a little Face Painting!

We continued on our quest for a fairly normal weekend with Sam by getting up this morning and going to church. First we had to make pancakes because all week long he has been asking me to make him something "special" for breakfast. What did we choose today to make it special?

Sprinkles. Pancakes with sprinkles.

For all of you guys thinking, "Ummm Rikki, you are supposed to be on a low carb diet. How does that work out?"

Answer: It doesn't and neither do I! Boom! (drops mic... walks away... with her ass jiggling because for reals... she doesn't work out)

I dare the doctor check my cholesterol after the last few days. I bet it is gnarly.

He really wanted to help so I put him in charge of buttering the pancakes. The good thing is that his "butter" is dairy free and fat free and ... weird. The bad thing is that he used A LOT of it and I hear even a lot of water is detrimental to our health.

We finished our pancakes and headed out to church.

I had told Sam that we'd go see grandma in the hospital after church and he could draw her a picture during church (anything to occupy him... I hear Jesus is a Cars fan so I know I chose the right coloring book... right?).

He very deliberatively scribbled inside and outside the lines for a lovely picture to take to grandma.

Fantastic.

We went home to eat and take our nap (Yup ours. Could be why I'm up at midnight typing a blog post). Upon trying to fall asleep, Sam asked if we could go to the park. I told him we might be able to go after our nap, but he'd have to go to sleep first to find out.

He woke up well in time for an outing to the park and I had some Candy Crushing to catch up on so I was game. Of course we had to stop by the gas station and get an Icee first. They check at the park to make sure you have an Icee upon entry or they won't let you in. True story.

While at the park, Sam found himself with some older kids (probably around 8 or 9) on the merry-go-round. Sam wanted to push them on it and so he did. One kid said he wanted to go faster and then I hear my son say this: "I have my rubber-go-fasties on (points to his light up Cars shoes) and that means I can go really fast!" And then he takes off at the exact same speed he was going before.

Here is a hint: It wasn't fast.

The kids told him he wasn't fast and this completely upset him and he demanded an apology. I tried to damage control the situation but ended up just encouraging him to not hang out with people who don't believe in him. (Anyone else hear R. Kelly in the background? Nope? Just me?)

We played for a bit longer and he decided he needed to take an Icee break. How cute is this?

This weekend has been so hectic that we haven't eaten at the house yet, there is a lovely heap of clothes that are clean but not at all folded on my couch, and we haven't bought groceries. Justin had been at the hospital all day so he was looking for a way to relax. He decided to take Sam to the Bass Pro Shop that just opened while I went grocery shopping.

That was a fresh little slice of hell for me but when is Walmart not? I mean I did get behind the lady that smelled like BO, had 1000 coupons and all the sales ads from the tri-state area to price match every stinking can of Spam she had... but when do you not get behind that lady at Walmart?

When I got home, Sam was very excited because his daddy had bought him some candy at the store.

I have never seen these things...

Old fashioned candy buttons.

Can we talk about this for a second?

You know what I understand? Old fashioned candy sticks. Old fashioned caramels. Hell, even Old Fashioned Candy Cigarettes. That shit was cool.

When did it become cool to eat buttons?

And these don't even look like freaking buttons. Its just globs of hard colored sugar on paper.

AND... AND... not even wax paper.

Sam wanted some after dinner so I gave them to him. He said he needed help. I didn't believe them b/c it is a freaking glob of sugar on some paper. He brought them to me and do you know what I realized?

Old fashioned folks ate a lot of damned paper in their day!

You might as well have licked a cinnamon disk and stuck it on notebook paper.

What is funny is Sam realized something was amuck. He just looked at me like, "Am I supposed to eat that?"

At one point I looked at him and said, "Son, if you want the candy you're going to have to eat it with a little paper. I don't know what to tell you."

He chose to eat a little paper. I guess we all won?

Anyway, after we had our crunchy sugar paper dessert, Sam wanted to paint grandma another get better picture. I got his stuff out and got him all set up.

When he was done, he got really quiet and hunkered down over the paper and then started to giggle.

When he looked up at me, he had some paint on his forehead. And the cheesiest grin painted on his face.

He said, "I got dirty!"

I said, "Oh that's okay honey. We'll wash it off later."

He said, "So I can get dirtier?"

And guys, I have to say, this is one of those moments where I was like, "Eh... what's it going to hurt?"

And you know what? It didn't hurt a damn thing. What could have happened, I had already let the kid eat paper?!

Here is the result...

 I think we did alright for a Sunday Funday :-) Sam thought it was pretty rad.

Saturday Adventures with Planes

Good morning, bloggeeks! (that's an endearing term... don't get offended)

We are having a rough week in the Turner household. Nothing definite yet but Justin's mom has been in the hospital since Wednesday and as of now we have a lot of guesses as to what's going on but no formal diagnosis which means we have been waiting and waiting on tests and more tests. If you could keep us in your prayers, that'd be super fantastic.

Since Sam is three, he doesn't exactly understand what's going on right now. He knows grandma is sick and has been for a while (started with a sinus infection about a month ago and she hasn't felt well since). He knows she is in the hospital so the doctors can make her better and she can rest. But he doesn't quite understand why he is staying later some days at Susan's or why mommy hasn't been going to work for a few days or why mommy and daddy are rarely home together or why he went to his GG's house the other day...

So because of all of this, I've tried pretty hard to make this weekend special. Since I was off of  hospital duty for the weekend pretty much, I made it my goal to spend some good time with Sam and make the weekend as special as we could.

We asked him if he wanted to go see Grandma in the hospital. He was very excited about that so we explained that there would be tubes and wires and stuff and he seemed pretty cool. Then he wanted to paint her a "get better" picture (be still my heart!).

Here is a picture of him painting his picture for grandma.

He was so deliberate with this painting. It actually ended up really pretty and I kind of wanted to frame it.

We decided we would go see Planes at the dollar movies with GG and that we'd stop by the hospital to see grandma and give her the picture beforehand.

We did just that but cut it close on time. And of course when we got there and had allotted 15 minutes for visiting, that's when they came  in for more tests and couldn't get a good draw. Once we finally got to visit with her, Sam had lots of questions about the tubes and the wires but was pretty good actually. In fact, later that night he told me that grandma is just going to have to stay in that hospital until she feels better because he is tired of her being sick!

Since it took us so long to get out of the hospital, we adjusted our plans to go eat and then see the later movie (since I left the hospital 10 minutes until showtime... whoopsie!).

In case you don't know, my son has a dairy allergy so eating out with him is a bit of a battle. Recently we found out that most restaurants are very accommodating and even typical kid utopian places (rhymes with Mucky Fleas) will make special pizzas without cheese special for the little trouble maker who can't eat cheese!

So we went to CiCi's for dinner and he tore up some pizza! And I got a daily dose of social anxiety because everyone and their monkey's uncle brought themselves and their children who couldn't behave or eat without splattering ranch on everyone in a 6 mile radius (this one little girl who was at least two years older than Sam looked like she had a bad case of rabies there was so much ranch dressing DRIPPING OUT OF HER MOUTH! BLUGH!). Why do I insist on going out in public?

After CiCi's we had some time to kill so we went to the mall. We looked at Christmas ornaments (I buy Justin and Sam one every year) and we looked at Santa (notice: looked. It isn't even Thanksgiving yet, Santa, don't you have a turkey to fry or something?!) and we went into GG's hippy store (used to be Romancing the Stone).

This is what happens when we kill time at the mall with a toddler...

Sam said he was a fox. Then he busted out some, "Ringadingdingdingdingading!"

Good stuff.

As we left the mall there was a bell ringer outside for the Salvation Army.

Now I could do a completely separate post about why I don't like giving to SA, but I see no reason to get into the politics of giving with my three year old. GG gave him some money to put in the bucket and I wasn't going to argue with a son who likes to give. (And to put your mind at ease, I am a giver to a fault, I just don't like to give willy nilly without some research and SA and I don't agree on much... at all.)

He goes up to the bucket and very deliberately puts one coin in at a time.

Very careful.

One at a time.

She had to have given him 15 coins.

It was such a spectacle that the people behind him (waiting to give their money) gave it to Sam as well so he could continue his very meticulous donation.

It was beyond precious. But he finally ran out of coins and we headed to the car to go see the movie.

Let it be known that when Sam and GG are together I don't know who is the bigger kid. As we were leaving, they got into an argument about something and then I hear my son yell from the backseat, "I'M GOING TO FLICK AN EAR BOOGER ON YOU!"

Um.... what?!

Is this a common threat among little boys?! I've never heard it before. I mean, yes, Sam does come up with some crazy things to say to people...

I'm gonna make you sleep outside...

I'm gonna sell you to gypsies...

I'm gonna punch you in the snotbox...

But ear boogers?! So much yuck.

We finally arrived at the movie and it went just about as great as you could imagine taking a three year old boy to the movies close to bedtime would go.

He made it about halfway through the movie and then became enamored with the lights on the aisle, the other open seats, the lack of people in the theater, popcorn and coke, spilling the coke... you see.

He and GG having fun.







During the previews and yes I used flash. I like to document stuffs.

 He actually did pretty good. And it was a cute little movie.

As we were leaving, we got into the car and Sam wanted his sword he keeps in the car.

You keep a sword in the car for your three year old?

~It's a pipe.

I'm not sure that's better. Why do you have a pipe in the car for your three year old?

~Why don't you have one for yours?! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!"

Anyway...

I gave it to him and GG immediately cringes like she's about to be pummeled by a three year old.

I reassured her that he doesn't really hit with it.

She said, "What does he do with it?"

I said, "SAM! Show GG what you do with the pipe."

And this is what ensued afterward...




I couldn't function we were laughing so hard. That pipe is better than a whoopee cushion and a fart machine on their honeymoon! And Sam... good grief that kid was laughing from the depths of his soul!

Bring on the judgment but we had such a fun night. Thankful for the distraction and good friends :-)