WTF Wednesday: Facebook Giraffe Riddle

Okay guys... enough is enough. 

Have you seen all the giraffe profile pictures on Facebook lately? 



People have to post their profile picture as a giraffe if they get a riddle wrong. 

Here is the riddle: 

3:00 am, the doorbell rings and you wake up. Unexpected visitors. It's your parents and they are there for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread and cheese. What is the first thing you open?

Here is the answer: 



NO ONE CARES!!!!!! UGH!



Actually since the "riddle" clearly says you wake up (implying your eyes are open), the answer is door. However, people seem to have some self-esteem/superiority issues and are all, "Actually, you would have to open your eyes first." 

Judgey Giraffe judges you. 

Here is some real talk for you: 

If you wake me up at 3 am expecting breakfast, you better hope like hell I've already opened the wine and I am shitty drunk on it so I don't notice how big of a TWIT you are being! 

You know where you can get breakfast at 3 am?! Waffle House. 

Get to steppin'. 

Now that it is settled... 

I will flat murder a giraffe too...

If you are going to answer this riddle and get it wrong even though you weren't wrong (I still say door and wine a perfectly appropriate answers and equally right)... at least post your picture with one of the following amazing giraffe pictures: 














And my personal favorite: 





Have a great Wednesday folks! 

Boo at the Zoo and Other Junk

All aboard the Crazy Train! 

Quick and dirty update for you: I traveled, then traveled some more, then got CRAZY sick, then traveled again. I ended up with steroid shot with painkillers, steroid nasal spray, steroid inhaler, antibiotics and Mucinex. Suck it, head infection! 

A week and a half off of work will punch you in the lady business upon return, let me assure you. I'm buried in a see of ALL THE PAPERWORKS and ALL THE EMAILS... then there is all the work to do from all said conferences I've been attending lately... 

This post is all about the A.D.D. isn't it? 

Anyway... 

Short weekend update: 

This weekend I finally got to go visit family. This hasn't happened since the great meltdown that was August and Sam went to the ER for the not breathings and almost went for the bleeding eye situation. 

Sam has been wanting to meet his "baby cousin Welles" for a few months now. Except he has met him but has inadvertently developed a bit of an obsession with him. 

Those are two super cute kids right there. 

When Debbie got home, Sam "hid" from her. And well, I might add. 

My dad and Sam playing Candy Land. And also it threw up Halloween in the background. 

Boo at the Zoo Time

Last night we took Sam to Boo at the Zoo. 

One small rant before I go into all the oozy cuteness that is Sam? 

Dear Public, 

Not all kids can have all candy. Is it all that much effort to make a few allergen friendly bags? Is it? 

I don't like pushing my son's allergy's off on others as their responsibility, but when you prepackage 1,000,000 goody bags and EVERY DAMNED ONE OF THEM have chocolate or nuts or both in them... it is damned hard explaining to your child that he can have half of the candy the other kids get. JUST KEEP A BOWL TO THE SIDE! 

I'm not trying to step of the toes of delicious chocolate. When I was a kid, I wanted that above all other candies. Good chocolate bars were the holy grail of Halloween candy. But CHEESE AND RICE it is frustrating having to constantly explain to your child why I'm smuggling chocolate out of Halloween bags like I'm smuggling cocaine across the border. 

And don't give me the excuse, "Well he could just get the toys they offer." Yes, because every kid would rather have 10 whistles, 14 plastic snakes and a jump rope instead of candy. 

Rant over... moving on to the oozy cuteness. 

Kids Korner was the best for him. He out threw all the kids... including the nine year old girl who was very embarrassed to be shown up by a three year old. 

He wasn't as great at this one. He is much better with brute force instead of precision, LOL

Cutest damn police officer ever! 

I'm saying "cheeseburger" here. He is eyeing Plinko I believe. 

The flash was bright for him. Pictures were hard for us tonight for some reason. 

Why do I look mad? That's my son's hat... that fits me perfectly. And I have a big head. FACEPALM

I don't k now why I love this picture so much... I look like the dang Hunchback of Notre Dame who is way too excited about a field of plastic pumpkins. 

He loved the motorcycles! 

Does this mean we are sustainable? 

That is pure joy on his face as he drives the fire truck. Pure. Joy. 

We got home late and made silly faces. Why wouldn't we? 

He wanted to take a serious one. Could there be anything more precious? 

Tired of taking pictures. Clearly. 

Thrifty Thursday and a Little Inappropriate Airport Behavior

Here is today's Thrifty Thursday pic!

Did you just throw up? I'm not offended. 

Yeah thrifty indeed. Today's outfit is sponsored by Susan G Komen and some mesh pants from high school (cough *11 years ago*cough). I'd say that's pretty thrifty and I can honestly say I have not bought another pair of mesh pants since then so whatever I paid for these originally I believe I got my money out of it. 

Still want to know why I'm dressed like a bum on a Thursday? 

Yeah... I flew out of Little Rock on Sunday morning at 6 am with two tonsils that developed an affinity for each other and kept reaching across my throat to bunny bump. (They were big swollen, dawg.)

When I landed in South Carolina and knew I'd be there for the next four days, I had a feeling I was screwed in the health department. And I was. I had a fever, crushing head pain, and "horny for each other" tonsils. 

But what do you do at a very expensive conference when you are dog sick? You big fat go anyway, that's what. And I did. And subsequently made the head infestation worse. 

By the time we headed for the airport, we were so tired (poor Leanna took really good care of me while were there) that we were absolutely delirious. Here is video proof. We sent these to a few co-workers for a good laugh. When you hear me say, "Snake," over and over again, that's referring to Tracy. That's the nickname I gave her. (And try not to judge me. It'll be hard but at least put in a good effort.)

I clearly have no shame guys. And I look like I'm forty five in these pictures. 

29 folks! 29!

Anywho.... 

Knowing I was completely and utterly exhausted and sick, I took a Thrifty Tuesday photo just in case you are on the edge of your seat (which you aren't. I get it)

Shoulders to toe is from Goodwill. I believe the head band is from 1995 Claire's. Or maybe 2005. It was definitely pre-Crazy Britney Spears.  

Here's another few pics from the conference showing just how obnoxious it is to travel with me. 

I'm not great at serious pics. Clearly. 

Post airport massage or Bellatrix Lestrange?! P.S. I didn't fix my hair afterward. I left it like this and growled at people when they stared. Ok I didn't. Well I kind of did. I definitely did one of the previous two things. You decide which. 

Susan had strep today so I kept Sam home with me. This is what a restful day at home looks like for me. 

How awesome is this picture?! It's like there is a laser in that gun and it came through the dog's eyes! I texted this to people that I wished to not interrupt our pending nap with this message, "Nap time. Interrupt and the dog gets it!" We must have a lot of animal rights activists in our social ring b/c we slept like champs! 

There's your update folks. Look forward to a post about how much cab rides suck in South Caroline, I'll try to post a five on friday tomorrow and the always stunning and witty Kayla Layla has asked me to do a guest post so that'll be coming soon! 

See ya, suckers! 

WTF Wednesday: Rapping for Jesus!

I have this odd talent for weird YouTube videos to land in my lap. Last week was no exception to that. 

Disclaimer 1) 

I'm typing on a Mac. That means I may as well be flying an airplane. I'm a PC gal so if I jack this up, I'm oh so sorry. 

Disclaimer 2) 

If you are a fan of diversity or multiculturalism or are a generally good person, this video may offend you. It is mostly funny but the folks in this video have no damn clue. It is kind of off putting and kind of precious at the same time. I feel like you are sufficiently warned. 

Drumroll.........



Here is today's WTF Wednesday... 

Rapping for Jesus! You have to watch the whole thing. If you fall on the floor laughing or faint from disbelief, get back on the pony!



So far when I show this to people, they always have the same reaction: 

Is this a joke?! This has to be a joke!

To that, I'd like to ask you, "What if it is?" 

Seriously, is it better or worse if it is a joke? I personally think these folks are serious. 

How could they not be?! When you are bold enough as an old white couple to say, "Jesus Christ is my N1&&@," you have to think that this is okay. Otherwise you will be bombarded by angry people of all cultures who demand the opportunity to shove that "mic" up your "cheek" canyon. :-) 

If they are joking, they think it is perfectly appropriate for old white folk to make a joke of JESUS whilst using RACIAL SLURS. This is not okay. 

And to this I say, "What DAFUQ?!?!?!"

Now that we are past that... what was your "WTF" moment? As the stunning Kayla Layla pointed out to me yesterday, I was one of those douchey bloggers with every hurdle known to man blocking you from leaving comments. But no longer! I fixed that mess! (at least I think though)

So comment below on your favorite WTF moment from that video. Mine is when Mary Sue turns the other cheek :-) 

Race for the Cure Almost Made me Take a Dirt Nap

I'm posting from my phone and since Blogger does NOT appreciate my OCD, this post is likely to be an unorganized pile of goo with grammar and spelling mistakes galore. Enjoy.

The lady that watches Sam is a survivor of breast cancer. So when she asked me to be on her team, how could I say no?

I thought it would be SO MUCH FUN to include Sam. Lots of people, lots of fun, he gets to wear a race bib.... Great fun to be had!

Apparently I don't know my son at all. He took one look at all the people and went into, "STRANGER DANGER" mode complete with clawing at me like I was a safe harbor in the abyss of evil monkeys.

We were scheduled to walk the 5K. We weren't even to the starting line yet and he was already clinging to me like a missing sock to the inside of a fuzzy sweater straight out of the dryer.

When I suggested he walk or sit his forty pound ass in the stroller he looked at me terrified like I had just locked him in a room with an angry snake.

(Eye roll)

Fine. I'll hold you until you get acclimated.

Then of course he had to pee. Which means I had to take him into the row-o-porta-potties that I so much dread.

And just to my expectations, someone had a case of the sputter-butt right before we got in there and the colorful arrangement of ass-spatter mixed with the pleasant aroma of gas, urine, and mysterious blue chemical was almost too much to handle.

We got back and the race started and Sam was just as shy and frightened as ever. So I carried him.

For one whole painfully slow mile (60,000 people don't move awfully fast) I carried him.

On my chest, on my shoulders, on my hips.... Kid's feet didn't hit the street!

I weigh 125 currently. Sam is a chunky 40lber. I also have the muscle tone of slightly warm Jell-O. This situation is no bueno!

At about a mile in I finally popped my head out of my rear end and bribed him with iPhone time in the D A M N STROLLER!

He took it and I started getting blood flow back in my arms.

Thank you sweet baby Jesus!

The race was going so slow (bottle necking due to inefficient road blocks) that we had to finish the 2k instead of the 5k. Which was fine by me at this point bc I still hadn't gained back full use of my arms.

Highlight of the race: watching Susan go through the survivor finish and watching complete strangers cheer her on. That's what this race is about for me... A community supporting its survivors. Moving...

I'll leave you with several pics of the event... Enjoy and save second base!

 

5 on Friday: 5 Fair People that Freak Me Out!

Last Saturday night, I got the bright idea to take my child to the Arkansas State Fair. 

To read more about that terrible decision, click here. 

This not so pleasant experience has inspired today's 5 on Friday... 

5 State Fair People that Freak Me Out! 

~ONE~

The 'Murica Guy



This guy... 

Standing alone by a post... turkey leg in one hand... pint of beer in the other hand... sunglasses on even though it is dark outside... American flag t-shirt with the sleeves cut off... belly hanging out... and a greasy scowl painted on his face... 

This guy freaks me out. 

~TWO~

The Overly Excited Stranger



There was a lady that parked next to us as we arrived at the fair. She and her car full of people were so excited about being at the state fair! 

They couldn't wait to get in! Their hair looked good! Their nails looked good! They saw us and wished us the best at the fair! Ya'll have a good time tonight, OKAY!?!?!?!?!

And this is me... 

WHY ARE YOU SO STINKING EXCITED! 

The whole place smells like a mix of beer, body odor, and an ashtray. 

There is no personal space. 

People scream for NO EFFING REASON behind those gates. 

It costs $458 to get in the gate and then you'll need the sweat of a Norwegian man and the blood of a virgin to ride any rides. And you must sacrifice your first baby to get a damned fried Oreo. 

Why on God's green Earth are you so freaking excited?!?!

These people freak me the eff out. 

~THREE~ 

Way Too Sure of Himself Carnie

You know... the carnie who is just there to pick up chicks (barf... gag... )



So much gross... 

Justin actually had this particular run-in. 

The carnie dude was restricting access to the fun-house to the not-quite-ripe minions. 

Translation: Turds be too short to go in without a parent. 

That's fine. Parent on the way. 

At some point in this the carnie felt a little challenged I guess and proceeded to tell my husband the following: 

"Don't matter to me none. Err'one round here knows not to mess with me. I was ex-SWAT team. My body is registered with the government as a lethal weapon!" 

Yeah okay carnie dude. 

You sir, freak me the heck out. 

~FOUR~ 

The Random Screamers

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has noticed those people who get off the ride and CONTINUE TO EFFING SCREAM!!!!!



Why? Why do we do this? 

Is the ground still moving beneath you? Or is that you want me to punch you in throat in hopes of busting your voice box so that noise with cease? Which is it? 



Ya'll don't freak me out as much as you PISS ME OFF but as you add to my dangerously high blood pressure, I choose to still include you. :-) 

~FIVE~ 

Creepy Dudes



You know this guy. 

This guy... approached me while my son and husband were riding the carousel. 

This guy... approached me while pushing a stroller and carrying HIS WIFE'S PURSE. 

This guy... was shorter than me and had a mustache. 

This guy... says, "Hey girl. What's up. You waiting on your little one?" 

I say, "Yup." and avert eye contact. 

This guy... says, "I bet he's real cute. Where ya'll going after this?"

I say, "I don't know. Wherever my husband wants to go."

This guy... says, "Awww man!!!"

WHY ME?!?!?!?!?!

~BONUS~

What in the name of Peter, Paul, and Mary are you wearing?! 

Seriously, do people not own a mirror? 

Is there no human decency anymore? 

I actually saw this person only she was at least wearing black panty hose instead of skin colored. It was just too bad she was wearing a white thong with it and a shirt that cut off at her waist. 

Ewthatsgross. 

I'm now taking volunteers to take Sam next year. That or I will definitely not go on a damned Saturday night ever again. What in the holiest version of hell got into me?!