Conversations with Sam: The Poop Tower

I know that Kids Say the Darndest Things (thanks for the branding, Bill Cosby), but mine tends to take it to another level. 

Last night, we were eating dinner and he runs up to me and says, "Mommy, hold my bread. I need to go poop." 

Since this is fairly typical, I didn't bat an eye. I simply grabbed the bread. 

Sam is 4 years old but hasn't quite mastered the "wipe by myself" art, so we still do follow up wipes to make sure he doesn't earn the nickname "Skid-Mark" at daycare. 

While he was sitting on the toilet, Justin and I were laying on the bed. It had been about 5 minutes since he asked me to be caregiver to the bread. 

Me: "Sam, are you almost done?"

Sam: "Nope! I'm pooping big today!"

Me: "Well lucky me."

Sam: "I'm pooping a big ole tower of POOP!" 

Me: "Please ask for your daddy to wipe your booty this time." 

Sam: "NO! I want you to do it!" 

Me: "But that is gross. I have no desire to wipe you after a tower of poop." 

Sam: "Yeah you do!" 

Me: "No I don't! How about if I have to wipe your booty today then next time I poop you have to wipe my booty?!"

The look on his face was of both shock and appall. 

Sam says, "MOM! That. Sounds. HORRIBLE!" 

After we all had a big laugh about how terrified he was of that idea and how much the psychiatrist bill will be later, I had the privilege of wiping his freshly used poop chute. 

It. Was. Horrible. 

What horrifying conversations have you had with your little ones lately?