Still I Rise

I'm back for the day at least. My apologies for being absent but my goodness doctoral classes are no joke. I had made a goal to blog over the weekends and schedule them to post through the week but... yeah I use all of the time to work on school. 

I'm writing today really for myself. Remember about a year or so ago when I wrote about The Death of An Abuser? 

Well my first abuser was arrested again last week for allegedly raping a 10 year old girl. 

It's been a shitstorm ever since. 

I can't speak about who he is or what he did really because his records were sealed and until they are unsealed, I can't say what he did. Which makes this case really hard for me. 

The day I found out he had been arrested again, I cried. A lot. A talked to my counselor friend. And then I went the the gun range and pictured him as the silhouette and blew his brains out. 

That's how country folk do therapy. 

But it wasn't over there. He was able to adopt two daughters because his records of sexual abuse were sealed. I. Can't. Deal. 

Then I find out the media hasn't picked up this story. 

Alright guys, I'm from Northwest Arkansas. The Greenwood Mayor's wife got bitten by a dog and it was the headline story of the night. I know they should be running a rape of a little girl. 

So I slip a little deeper into my depression and anger. 

Then I find out the fucker is out of jail and is BACK HOME WITH THE GIRLS! 

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH OUR SOCIETY?!

Our society holds drug users and dealers more accountable than sexual predators. 

Um news flash... THE SEXUAL PREDATORS ARE WORSE!!! 

What is going on? 

So last night I cried on the way home to get my child. Then I cried when I got home. Then I cried in the bathtub as I read the deplorable comments on the newstory. Then I ate. 

I rarely cry when I eat thank God. 

Then people started to call and check on me. 

And I cried some more. I literally fell asleep crying last night. I am 30 freaking years old and I never knew that you could actually cry yourself to sleep. 

But Still I Rise... 

I got this tattoo in honor of my mother, my sister, and myself. The orange ribbon is for leukemia and the blue around it is for sexual assault. 

I refuse to let this keep me down. I was down last night. I still had fight but I was down. But today is a new day. 

If you have been a victim of a sexual crime, please come forward and at least talk to someone about it. It is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. They did. They wronged you. You matter. You are beautiful. And you have no reason to deal with this alone. 

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