Who is "Momma" and Why Does She Have a "Dude's Name"?

Your guess is as good as mine on the dude's name. My guess is that my parents saw an opportunity for me to learn to spell at a very early age, because as long as I can remember I've said, "My name is Rikki. R-I-K-K-I."

But my name fits like a glove. 

Why? 

1. I'm the cheapest woman on the planet (It isn't a sale unless it is 75% off or more)
   
   
2. I want to watch comedies or action. The Notebook makes me want to vomit. I read Twilight and 50 Shades just so I could argue my point that they both suck (wow do they ever).
3. A hot dog, a beer, and a baseball game sound like heaven for me. Crafting, scrapbooking, or gardening sound like fresh hell topped with a "whuck-no".
   
   
4. I am a playful parent but far from June Cleaver.  
   
   I cuss around my son. He does not cuss. He understands when he can vote, he can cuss. Until then, them's votin' words.
   
   I threaten my child. On any given day, I may threaten to sell him to gypsies, make him live under the porch, or trap him in his room with an angry snake. Luckily, he typically counters with a, "You teasin' me, momma?"
   
   Sam has had a variety of nicknames coined by yours truly: "Pumpkin-head", "butt nugget", "thievin' little monkey", and "little shit" to name a few.
   
   
5. I want very badly to love exercise and cleaning. Turns out I like napping way better.
   
   
6. I do not file or paint my nails. I make an effort to look nice most days but having a weekend where I'm not even required to shower is as nice as a microwaved donut. And if it is going to take me more than 30 minutes to get ready, I best be meeting the President or Robert Downey Jr. 

This blog serves to just be real with people. Parents mess up. Kids say funny things. The universe does some weird stuff. I like to be snarky and give my opinions when no one asks for them. 

Welcome to Momma's world.