Like "WTF" worthy dreams. And in the middle of the night, I thought to myself, "Rikki, you fabulously hilarious little weirdo, you should postpone your planned WTF Wednesday post for a week and post about your EFFED UP dreams! It will be the funniest!!!!"
And then I got up this morning and REMEMBERED NOTHING!
I mean nothing! Other than I had weird dreams last night and I came up with a new hilarious saying.
No I don't remember the saying. It was something about "squeezing your gizzards" or something like that. It reminiscent of the time I dreamed about a song I made up and part of the lyrics were, "and a pumpkin named Sue."
But I can't remember. I has the amnesia!
So on to regularly scheduled programming.
I was in the Hallmark store the other day choosing an ornament for Sam. As I was doing my normal OCD perusing, I come across this little gem...
UMMMM.... WTF?!?!?!
Yeah that's not the words to song, Hallmark.
It is "don we now our GAY apparel."
Yes, I said "gay."
No, I didn't catch the "gay" by saying it.
Nor will you if you sing it in a song.
What is the motivation behind changing the lyrics to a classic Christmas song on a tacky Christmas sweater ornament?
1) They were afraid it would seem like they were mocking gay people by using the word gay on this ornament.
~~ If this is your reason, I'm a trite less pissy with you. I don't want to mock anyone any more than you do. However, to insult the intelligence of every gay person on the planet is a bit ridiculous. Want to be stereotypical for a bit? Gay men know Christmas music better than any other population on the planet! They know good and well what gay apparel is and that "fun apparel" is not the lyric to ANY Christmas song EVER!
2) They didn't want to be controversial by putting the word "gay" on a Christmas ornament.
~~If this is your reason, Imma need you to grow a pair and not alter lyrics to Christmas songs and instead, I don't know, DON'T MAKE THE DAMN ORNAMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE!
If it is controversial then just don't do it.
Kind of like when assholes talk and I want them to shut up... Do I think punching them is the solution? Yes. Do I think it is controversial and probably frowned on by society? Yes. Do I make a conscious decision to not punch assholes in the throat? YES
That's called being an adult. Try it sometime.
3) They changed the word because tacky Christmas sweaters are "fun" and popular and the word "gay" back then meant "happy and fun".
~~ Two responses here. 1) Most of my gay friends are still in fact happy and fun so no reason to go changing the lyrics to establish this. 2) There are a lot of lyrics to Christmas songs now that make no effing sense and yet, we aren't changing those to fit our whims...
Examples:
When is the last time you or anyone you know ate figgy pudding? In fact, WTF is figgy pudding?
When is the last time you had chestnuts roasting on an open fire? My guess is you know more people cooking meth over an open fire than you do roasting chestnuts.
And the Christmas Song calls people Eskimos. Yeah, that's a diversity no no. They are Inuit. I'm going to need ya'll to change the lyrics, mkay?
Also... who is Parson Brown and why are children pretending their snowman is him? Do we change this to Mr. Brown? James Brown?
And can I just point out that there are at least three Christmas songs with the word "gay" in them? Can I expect all of these to change for commercialized success?
Good grief. Either put the right words to the song on the dang ornament, don't make the damn ornament, or call it what it is.... TACKY CHRISTMAS SWEATER!
I would have bought that. Clearly...
As always thank you so much for the laugh :)
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