Five Pros and Five Cons to Snow Days

It is important to note that I am NOT typically a fan of snow days. Why?

I live in Arkansas. Snow = Ice.

Ice = Roads covered in ice

Roads covered in ice = Idiots who think they can drive on ice

And also... its cold and I don't like the cold.

But I am challenging myself to come up with pros and cons to this dreadful weather.

PROS

1) Extra time with my sweet baby. So far today he has unrolled all the toilet paper and built a castle. And he started asking for lunch every five minutes since he ate his breakfast. These are special times, folks.

2) Snow days = extra naps with Sam. Yes I will be partaking in these.

3) It is totally acceptable to drink hot chocolate and coffee all day.

4) It is also totally acceptable to not fix hair, shower every once in a while, and you don't have to get out of your pajamas or baggy sweatshirts.

I'm currently wearing my husband's tacky Christmas sweater from two years ago and the pajamas I wore last night. It is so sexy the club can't even handle me right now. Or the dog.

5) Movies and popcorn all. day. long. ALL DAY LONG!


CONS

1) When you spend this much time in your own house with no expectation of going outside for a few days, people expect you will use some of this time to clean your house. I hate cleaning. In fact, if someone wants to buy me a housecleaner for Christmas (not in a slave labor type of way, I don't wish to own anyone. But a Merry Maids gift card might be nice!), that'd be rad.

2) Political pressure to play in the snow. Look, I'm not trying to start any shit with ya'll, but it is EFFING COLD OUT THERE!



Do you know why we wear coats? To not get cold.

Do you know why we have heat indoors? To not get cold.

Do you know that feeling in your hands and feet when you are so cold it hurts? That's not enjoyable. That's a precursor to frostbite.

And all you folks that go out there and freeze just to come in and warm up enough to go back out again... WHY?! Your body had enough sense to come inside from the cold... why would you spit in its face and go back to the scene of the crime?!

Because you're an idiot. You're cute and all that and I'm sure you have a darling personality.

But you're dumb.

3) As a student housing professional, it can be expected that if kids don't have class to distract them, they will turn into untrained toddlers and tear shit up. They track snow/ice/goo into the buildings, they think snowball/iceball fights in the building are totally acceptable, and they get crazy ideas of how/what they can sled on... settling for down the stairs inside if nothing else gives them quite the thrill they were searching for. Ugh.



4) When it ices in Arkansas that cues every cocky Northerner that moved to Arkansas to go into full asshole mode about how stupid we are in the south for shutting down everything. And if they are super cocky they end up trying to drive on it. That's when the real fun starts in my opinion because several will later post something about how they didn't realize how slick it was or whatever...

Here is the thing Northerners: Yes, you are more experienced with snow. What you are not more experienced with is ice and freezing rain.

In fact, most of you don't know what freezing rain is. I had a friend from the north one time call me and ask me why he couldn't open his car door. My answer: Freezing rain.

His response: What the hell is that?

Yeah, that's the kind of shit winter weather we get here. And we get it once or twice a year so no we don't have stockpiles of sand and salt for the roads nor do we have the man power to have it spread out well in advance so we don't have to cancel everything.

So yes, you are better with snow. Good for you. Until we have a complete snow not mixed with ice and/or freezing rain, keep your cocky mouth shut about it.

5) One thing I will give the Northerners full permission to make fun of us for is our apparent banana, bread, and milk deficiency that is worsened by winter weather.

Have you ever tried going to the grocery store a few days before a winter weather event? It is absurd!

Folks be running around in a damned tizzy buying up all the bread, milk, and bananas!

I get the bread... sandwiches work in a pinch if the power is out (which it will be undoubtedly if there is freezing rain).

But milk and bananas?

If your power is out, you don't need to be opening the fridge much for milk. And what are we doing with all that milk?!? The vast majority of all of our weather events last two days max. Every once in a while we will have one last longer but it just isn't common.

SO WHY ALL THE MILK?!?!



And bananas?! That is so random! Why not apples or grapes or graham crackers or chips... WHY BANANAS??!

Do we have some sort of potassium/temperature correlation where one drops and so does the other?! If so, no one sent me the memo.

You know what I wanted to stock up on?

Beer, coffee, and hot dogs.

The first two are self explanatory. The latter is in case I need to cook with the power out I can slap a hot dog on a hanger and cook it in the fire place.

What do you dread most or look forward to the most about snow days?