Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Why Valentine's Day is Unfair for Men

This isn't a new idea. It just further demonstrates why I dislike Valentines Day.

The weeks leading up to Valentines Day are riddled with ads geared toward men.

Every kiss begins with Kay...

Wow her with this bracelet, or earrings, and something heart shaped and studded in diamonds. (hint for dudes: girls never buy themselves heart shaped anything. Ever. Take note)....

These chocolates are amazing, this massage is mind blowing...

Here is this special on roses for $65...

I even heard one that said you could give her the gift of hair removal. You know, because nothing says romance like mustache-be-gone.

What is there for women to do?

There is a new phenomenon of getting your husband boudoir pics.

You go to a photographer (read: another man), dress in sexy lingerie (where another man can see you in it), pose in sexy poses in sexy lingerie (again, in the presence of another man), to then bring home the PICTURES to your husband while probably wearing yoga pants.

Not romantic. And also would on any other day of the year send your husband into a roidlike rage. But whatever.

Really, if you break it down, men have to spend a minimum of $100 (Justin excluded because I'm a "hater") in order to not be a thoughtless asshole on the one romantic day of the year that is impossible to forget.

What do women have to do?

Come home. Take off clothes. Stand there and wait for it.

That's it.

People say we should wear lingerie.

That's unnecessary.

Want to be the best wife in the history of ever?

Get naked and spring for the $1.29 can of whipped cream. Check and mate.

So to all the dudes... Sucks to be you. I hope your wife is awesome and you aren't lactose intolerant. You deserve it after making it through this holiday.

**Edit: It has come to my attention that men would like to try the woman's role in Valentine's Day.

DO NOT DO IT!

The Naked Man is a myth! This will surely backfire! Stick with the flowers and chocolates for your honey and just refer her to my blog for a night of fun. :-)

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