WTF Wednesday: Lady Business and Lady Giveaways!

If you can make it to the end of this post, there is a RAD giveaway waiting just for you. But first.. you get to listen to me bitch for a bit (or scroll down to the bottom... I'll never know).

I've had some lady business issues as of late. I'll spare you the gory details but the reader's digest version is as follows:

• My monthly visitor that I've grown to hate has decided to move in permanently and not pay rent. For two months now. No one likes a mooch, especially one that makes you feel like shit. 
• So much acne. And of course, it is right in the middle of my face for the whole world to see. Nothing makes you feel sexier than looking up overnight acne treatments on pinterest when you are 30 FREAKING YEARS OLD. (also, Listerine and toothpaste does not work. It does burn like fire though).
• All the pain. All on the right side but all the pain. Sharp pains where I can't stand up, dull pains all the time, crampy pains... you get it. Ouch. 

 I finally got fed up and went to the doctor. She listens to me and my history (which is EXTENSIVE in the lady bit department). I get a preliminary diagnosis of...

• Ovarian cyst (had a feeling that was coming)
• Endometriosis (also had a feeling that was coming, but we can't be sure on that one without cutting me open and I'm just not interested unless it is necessary)
• Hormonal inbalance (you mean 30 year old women aren't supposed to have out of control acne?!)

She mentioned Mirena as a possible solution. Take away the monthly visitor and the endometriosis won't flare up, relieving most of the pain. It would also prevent ovulation which should take care of the cyst. Also it is baby repellant for 5 years and that's rad.

I said let's do it.

She said, "We can schedule an appointment."

I said, "We can't do it today?"

She said, "Well, you are already in pain today and since you never dilated with your son, putting the Mirena in will hurt a lot too."

I said, "It is going to hurt regardless. I already hurt regardless. If this is the solution then let's do it."

She asked 1000 times if I was sure and I just didn't see how waiting on it to hurt was any different than it hurting now. Let's do this.

SHE WEREN'T KIDDING! PAIN! SO MUCH PAIN! 

It was like she was trying to yank my uterus out of me! With her bare hands.

There was nothing kind nor gentle about it. She roughed me up from the inside and didn't even buy me a drink first!

It was so awful I had to lie on the table for 20 minutes afterwards because they were afraid I was going to pass out.

Me. Pass out from pain.

Me. Who knows what it feels like to have a c-section and have no pain medication at all afterward.

Me. Who has had several ovarian cysts rupture.

Me. Who has never passed out at all, certainly not from pain.

I had no color. I was gasping for air.

After the 20 minutes was up, they allowed me to sit up. When I tried to stand up, my knees buckled.

That's not what you want.

So even though work has been KARAZAY and I have all the stuff to do, I showed up at Susan's house and laid down on her couch to let the drugs kick in.

My doctor did tell me after it was all said and done, "You were brave for doing that while already in pain. And you didn't cry or scream or throw up."

I said, "Well all of those crossed my mind, I just didn't see how they would help at the time."

Lawd hab mercy that was an unwelcomed afternoon activity. This shit better work.

 

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