Just Call me Clock Head

I had an interesting encounter on Saturday. 

Sometimes, as a side hustle, I proctor exams on Saturdays. 

This last Saturday was a DOOZY! 

Have you ever sat through a proctored exam? (LSAT, PRAXIS, ACT, MPRE... etc)

So. Much. Boring. 

And the person reading the instructions and checking you in... yeah that's me. 

I'm the mechanical pencil nazi. 

I'm the cell phone nazi. 

I'm the "I'm sorry you got married and changed your last name on your drivers license but your name on your ID doesn't match your admission ticket, no test for you today," nazi. 

I'm the behavior patrol, gum patrol, beeping watch patrol. 

As a proctor, you have to command the respect of the room. Less problems arise that way. You can't seem soft or you can lose control of the room and then that causes people to do poorly on a life-changing test. 

No bueno. 

I normally do really well at this. Until Saturday. 

The second test rolled around. It began with having to reject someone for the married name fiasco. Then right as I was about to begin the test (note: about to) a person showed up late which meant I had to let him in because we hadn't began the test yet. (This makes me stabby, by the way. It is a life changing test. SHOW UP ON TIME!)

After everyone was ready to go, we passed out the books. I was a little overzealous and flipped a binder clip across the room. 

It was a nice break in tension. No big deal. Everyone laughed. 

Passed out the tests. I tell them to begin testing. 

That's when I went to plug in the official time clock. 

This clock is your normal, classroom wall clock. It is hanging above my head. 

When I went to plug it in, the cord was wrapped around my chair legs. 

Ever the problem solver, I go to untangle it because it is muy importante that the time is kept accurately for these tests. 

And then there was a loud crash and a throbbing on my head... 

And a broken clock in the floor. 

GREEAAAATTTT

I ignore my headache and bustle around to plug it in to see if it still works without the plastic cover on it (I really need to keep the time for the test!) and it did. The second hand began moving so I encouraged everyone to begin the test. 

Meanwhile, ouch. 

Everything seems to be back on track and then I look at the clock to check the time and the second hand is no longer moving. 

AH. CHIT. 

I get up to go outside and call the supervisor to send me a new clock. As I get up to leave, I misjudge the distance between my knee and the large metal desk blocking me from the door. 

BANG!!!!

Yup. Just busted my knee in the middle of a GOD FORSAKEN PROCTORED EXAM! AHHHH!!

That arguably hurt worse than the clock falling on my head not 15 minutes before. 

And now people are giggling at me.

That is exactly what you want as the proctor. Except it is not. 

I did finally get the new clock and all was well again in the world. After the test was over, several of the examinees were concerned for me. At the end of the test when I normally say, "Thank you for your cooperation, you may now leave," I said, "Thank you for your cooperation and stifling your laughter at me while I made a fool of myself. My ego appreciates it." 

Then the other proctor for the day kept checking on me, saying, "You could have died!" 

I think that was a bit dramatic but I certainly did leave that test more banged up than usual. 

Bless my heart.