Kiss my dimply freckled ass.
Sincerely,
The South
Okay guys, WTF was that?! I've never in all my life experienced all of the meteorologists in a tri-state area not know what in the hell is going on. And I remember the days before Doppler radar and they were just going out and licking their finger, sticking it up in the air and saying, "Feels a bit windy today. Wear a light jacket and layers."
Back in the day where the color of clouds, the way the birds were flying, the way the turtles were crossing the road.... all of that was more accurate than this weather predicting voo-doo we have today.
Sunday night:
I went to bed confident there would be no school the next day because of all the snow. I promised my son we'd make pancakes. Again, because ALL THE SNOW.
Apparently I missed the memo on Sunday when they changed their minds and informed us all the Snowmaggedon Pax was a bit delayed on his trip to Arkansas.
And boy was my son PISSED when there was neither snow nor pancakes on Monday morning.
Monday night:
Snowmaggedon Pax is a bit delayed again, but never fear! A very thin line of Arkansas was going to get hammered with 1 - 3 inches of snow (and we were in the line).
On my way home from a birthday dinner, it started sleet.
BLESSED SLEET! YOU ARE THE MAJESTIC PRECIPITATION THAT PRECEDES PAX AND ALL OF HIS SNOW BEARING GOODNESS!
And then I woke up to NOT A DAMN THING ON THE GROUND.
Not even frost. I'm not kidding.
 |
| This is Central Arkansas today. A bunch of folks all bundled up for NOTHING! |
Listen up weather gods, global warming, and voo-doo weather predicting gadgets...
I live in Arkansas for the MILD winters. I don't do cold. I don't do ice. And since once every ten years we get a real SNOW event, I'm going to need you not to taunt me with the opportunity to stay home with my son, eating delicious pancakes and making snow ice cream.
Will I play in the snow?
No. Again, I don't do cold.
But extra days with my little boy are precious and you got my hopes up with all your "70% chance you'll be out of school on Monday."
Do you know who I think is behind this?
The bread and milk companies. They paid off the weather dudes and Doppler radars and the voo-doos and they sat back and raked in the dough when all the crazy southerners (me not included b/c I don't like people that much and would rather starve) went and bought up all the bread and milk.
Dear bread and milk companies,
Summer is coming and judging by the severity of this winter, my guess is it is going to be hotter than Satan's ass here in the south. I'm sure the milk will by flying off the shelves in 100 degree heat.
And as for you bread peddlers, I hope more people go gluten free.
Sincerely,
The South
Also, don't forget about becoming a hero and our Big Bad Blog Bone Marrow Drive! There are some wicked awesome prizes and I'm still not seeing a lot of swabbing selfies!
Thought I'd finally come out of hiding to tell you that I freaking adore your blog. Been reading it for about a year now. It has given me many a laugh after a tough day. I've always treasured that about you. In summary: I stalk you. I love you. I miss you. - Allison
ReplyDeleteI effing hate the winter. I hate the threat of snow. I hate snow. I hate meteorologist (I feel that degree is available for three installments of $19.95 plus separate shipping and handling). I hate it all. Bring on that 110 degree humid summer, I love it, every damn bit of it. They already closed school here in NC and the shiz hasn't even came over yet.
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