You are in for a ride. You'll laugh, you'll cry, your jaw will drop... seriously comment if you don't experience all of these things while reading. And it is a long one. You may cry out of torture.
I told everyone I had an appointment for Sam's big fat head. I wasn't going to share it. I will now. It is February 8 at 9:15 am. Or so I thought.
My WONDERFUL (not sarcastic... seriously wonderful) pediatrician's nurse called me yesterday afternoon to make sure I had finally gotten my appointment time. I thanked her and told her I did find out just Wednesday. To be safe, I wanted to make sure we had the same time. She said, Feb. 8 9:15am. I said yes. Then she goes on to say, "And the CT scan is at 3:30pm."
Ummm... WHAT?! So that's what I said. "Umm what CT scan?" Of course, my nurse doesn't know, she is just giving me the information they gave her. Not me. They gave my pediatrician's nurse the information concerning exposing my child to radiation. Not me.
I'm pissed.
So... I dial as fast as my fingers would dial the neurosurgeon's office. I ask for a nurse. I'm told I can't speak to them, they'll have to call me back. I then ask receptionist how they conveniently left out that I had another appointment that same day and that it involved a CT scan. She says,"Well CT scans are just protocol." I don't give a flying squirrel's crap what protocol is, you haven't even seen him yet! I tell her this in no uncertain terms and she says, "Well they will get you in sooner than 3:30pm".... like my problem here is that my afternoon will now not be filled with unicorns and rainbows... UNNECESSARY RADIATION IS MY CONCERN HERE! MA'AM!
After several times of me repeating myself, crying, shaking, wanting to vomit... she finally gets it. And she says to me... "Well ma'am, you would want to know if something is wrong with your baby. You wouldn't want to miss something just because you were afraid of a little radiation would you?"
Yes she did. She went there.
I then kindly explained to her that while she may do this everyday, it isn't her son she's doing it to, and I could give a rat's ass what they do every day, how little radiation it is, or whose left butt cheek I have to kiss to get some answers, but until someone gave me an actual reason other than "puppy" protocol (Puppy is my nice word to replace the mean one's I really want to say) then my son was not having one done.
Before you guys think I've really lost my mind here, put yourself in my shoes. Sam's grandpa died of a brain tumor... BRAIN TUMOR. Both of Sam's grandmas have blood cancer. He has one grandparent who has not had cancer of some sort. He has two great grandparents who have not died or at least had cancer of some sort.
He has two parents with fat heads. He has no symptoms of hydrocephalus except for said fat head.
Anyone else seeing that this CT scan is a big waste of time and much more of a risk than his freaking fat head?! Anyway...
It is at this time she offers to let me speak to a nurse. Funny, I think I asked for that 20 minutes ago.
She comes back on the line to tell me the nurse is busy and her advice is just to come see the neurosurgeon at 9:15 and express my concerns to him. I ask if she can leave a number for the nurse to call me back b/c I'm not coming until someone explains this to me. She says... wait for it... "Well I can but I can tell you right now she won't call you back."
THEN WHAT THE PUPPITY PUP IS SHE DOING WORKING IN PEDIATRICS?!!!?!?!?!
I am a hysterical mother, pissed beyond belief, concerned for the welfare of my melon-headed son, and you are going to intentionally leave me hanging?! Go work for geriatrics... their parents are dead, you don't have to call them back.
So I gingerly hung up, my BFF is trying to help anyway she can (but doesn't know how b/c I've lost my friggin mind), my husband walks in, I fill him in and he asks for Dr. Pediatrician's number.
Our pediatrician ROCKS and gives us his personal cell phone number. Justin calls. Dr. P calls back and says, "No that is ridiculous. There is no reason for CT scan yet, they haven't even seen them. Come in tomorrow morning and I'll measure both of your heads and do a plot and see if any of this is necessary."
He did remind us this is NOT his expertise, but he'd do his best b/c he's not okay with unnecessary radiation either.
We go in this morning... Sam's head is big as always. My head is big. And Justin's head is GINORMOUS (quoted from Dr.P ...love him).
If you know your statistics, for something to be statistically significant, you have to have at least two standard deviations. My head was 2.5 standard deviations above normal for my age. Justin's was FOUR! BAHAHAHAHAHA... he's a fat head.
But guess what? So is my son! And me too... but just not to the extent they are. So... moral of the story is... Fat heads just run in our family! No neurologist appointment (which is really good for them too if you think about it... I was not happy with them)! Dr. P is just going to keep a close watch on it and we'll go from there.
YAY FAT HEADS! I think we'll all be pumpkin-heads for Halloween this year. I love irony.
UPDATE: I called to cancel the appointment. When asked why I was canceling, instead of telling them I was able to find a doctor that cares about the well being of the patient and the concerns of the parents, I just said, "It isn't important." She said, "Well it was your child's doctor that made this appointment." I said, "And he's the one okay with me canceling it." She hung up on me. GRRRRRR!!!!!
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