The End is in Sight!

For all those wondering (or not wondering), I finally have an appointment for Sam at the Neurosurgeon.

Yup... Neuro SURGEON! Yick. That's gross.

I assure I am still not "worried." I feel like my level of worry for this situation is actually quite low. For most parents in this situation it would consume their thoughts, they'd be on edge and depressed, and their lives would be very much affected until they knew.

The first day we found out I was a wreck. I cried a lot. A LOT. I couldn't talk about it. I couldn't talk about much. And believe it or not, all of that was going on not because I was worried about him, but just because we have to go through this to in all likelihood find out what we already know:

He has a big head. I don't need to go to a neurosurgeon to find that out.

But apparently I have to go to find out he is normal and doesn't need brain surgery? Again... I don't need to. I just have to now. So it is almost like I'm being forced to worry about something that I cannot make myself worry about. I know my son. He's fine.

Sooo... after that first day, I got my act together. It still consumes my thoughts, but only when I truly have nothing else to think about. Like now, when I forced myself to blog.

I'm not posting the actual day of the appointment to the general world. My thoughts on this:

1. I don't want to be nagged for answers. If nagging worked, I would have had this appointment two weeks ago when this crap started. All things happen in due time.

2. I don't want to flirt with the devil. I like to play it rather safe. If I give the date, it is like telling everyone "Hey, when this date comes around, ask me lots of questions assuming everything is okay and then we'll see how I answer you." It is a scary thought, but if we do get bad news, I'd like to have my time to handle it before I go out telling the world unprepared.

3. Really that's it. I don't like to be nagged and I don't want to count my chickens before my eggs hatch.

I will say that the appointment is sooner than I thought it would be so the end is in sight. I cried tears of relief when I found out I had an appointment. Being a mom is weird LOL.