Now that I have your attention ;-)
Seriously, this morning was unexpected, exciting, and no one was hurt and no damage was done... so don't read this looking for that. This is more of a story about what did happen that is crazy and what could have happened that makes me a little nervous but mostly thankful for my Jesus and His protection!
I was in the bathroom around 6 am this morning getting ready when I heard something very loud... sounded like metal crunching/sliding together... snapping... just lots of noise. And I thought... "Geez that's loud! ... I guess the trash came early." Then I thought I'd better go check.
I was almost to the door when something told me not to go see. It was more of a "it was the trash truck, why check?" So I didn't. I finished my morning routine.
I went to take the dog outside and I open to door to ... BLUE LIGHTS! EVERYWHERE!
This is interesting... There are two cop cars, some men around looking a the van in the neighbor's yard.
This van had been driving on our road and missing the curve in the road and ramped into her yard. The only thing stopping this car from being IN MY BEDROOM is the little tree that is now snapped in half. I can see both air bags are deployed and the front end of the car is kind of bent into the tires.
Wow! That was exciting.
I could see that the wrecker was having a hard time determining a way to get the van out so I went over to the officer to offer them our yard if they needed. They said they were afraid of tearing up the yard and they thought they could get it.
I was about to leave and the officer said, "Good job at locking your cars up."
I said, "I'm sorry, what?"
He said, "They were going to steal one of your cars to get away."
I was like... WHOA!
Whoever wrecked the van fled! Came across my yard to check and see if my cars were available. When mine weren't, they continued to run.
So yeah... that was my morning!
Two things I'm super thankful for:
1) That freaking tree. Seriously. I wouldn't have my husband and Sam wouldn't have a daddy had it not been for that tree. The van was all of 5 or 6 feet from our house. It was aimed right at our bedroom. The officer said the van would have been in the house had it not caught the tree first. There were no brake marks. And they were going fast enough to ramp up over the curb and end up that far into her yard. This is the scariest part of this whole deal.
2) That voice in my head that stopped me from going outside. I would have walked out right when they were attempting to steal my car. Since the current theory is that they people were either drunk, illegal, or had warrants or any mixture of the three... there is no telling what would have happened. Especially since we all know that if I would have seen that I would have yelled at them and possibly went after them (on foot for a bit) because I'm that stupid when immediately greeted with a situation like this. They would have had the gun or weapon or whatever already drawn on me before I would have realized to shut my mouth and let them go about their business. Sooo...
Guardian angels are real. I'm so thankful for God's grace today.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
My Son Is Going Dairy Free... Apparently
Today has been marginally crappy. I don't want to say shitty or even worse "the worst day ever." It has just been marginally crappy.
Here is why.
It seems like every mother goes through this at one time or the other. For me, it seems like EVERY FREAKING TIME I DEAL WITH A DOCTOR!*....
That being said, I really love Sam's team of doctors. That's right team. My perfectly healthy son has a team of doctors. That makes memarginally extremely pissy.
But I do really love them. And the ones I didn't love, I yelled at over the phone and never went to see anyway. Because that's how I roll. Don't mess with momma and damn sure don't mess with her baby...but I digress...
The crap I'm referring to. Sam gets ear infections. All. The. Time. All of the time. This was a frequent occurrence and if you are reading this, you most likely read about my insecurities with tubes. But... we put the tubes in because "then he won't get any more ear infections!" and "they are the best things ever! life changing!"
Well they changed my life alright... that bill was life changing. Then a week after getting tubes, he gets a BITCHIN'** ear infection. You want to know how I know it was "bitchin" and not "irritable" or even "pmsing"... My son turned into a TURD! He had no fever... none. He didn't really even pull at his ears. But did he make me want to sell him to the circus? Damn close.
He tormented kids at daycare... he yelled at me... he threw fits... he wore his feelings on his sleeve... he got really clingy... What does this mean for the doctors? Nothing. Other than my child is acting bad. Or he may have a "cold" and not feel well which makes him crabby. It wasn't until he started leaking GREEN GLOBBY BOOGERS from his EARS that it was like... oh yeah... ear infection...
So we do the insanely expensive ear drops ($70 with insurance) and all is well in the world. He heals... we are told it is a fluke that he got a cold right after the tubes were put in... probably won't happen again.
Horse shit.
He gets a cold about a week and a half ago. And I say to myself, "this is going to end in an ear infection." I go out of town and he continues to be a hot soupy mess of mucous. But no symptoms. Not even the pure evil that originates in his ears.
That is until this week. When he got worse and worse behavior wise. Where he started trying to bite kids out of thepure thrill of doing it irritability originating in his ears. Then there was that time that one kid scratched him and it threw Sam into a frenzy (you know... all "YOU WON"T LIKE ME WHEN I"M ANGRY!") and he bites the stink out of the other kid and Susan had to pull them off each other.
So now I'm convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has an ear infection. Let's start the drops.
But wait... that little voice of doubt in the back of my head wondering if that is the right thing to do! I call the doctor. I make an appointment. I cancel the appointment. I speak to doctor. This is where it goes bad for a bit.
I am told, "Well you don't even know what you are treating. It may not be an ear infection and you are just wasting money on drops. It doesn't sound like it is an infection. It sounds like he just has a virus that is making him feel bad."
I explain the resurrection of the evil child and how it ALWAYS correlates with an ear infection.
I am told, "Well you can keep doing the drops but I doubt that is what it is. Even if it gets better you won't know because it could have been just the virus running its course."
I get off the phone. I'm pissy. I'm doubting myself. I'm feeling stupid and protective and irritable. I call back. I make an appointment for 30 minutes in the future.
Holy smokes, Batman! What did we find?! He has an ear infection. Big. Shocker. (For the doctor it was anyway).
Then we entered into the conversation about why he is still getting ear infections. She says, if he has a constant runny nose (which he pretty much does) that the tubes can't handle that much mucous when coupled with a cold. There is a strong liklihood that he has a milk allergy and if we eliminate milk and all milk products for 3 weeks... we will likely see a huge improvement.
In my house, I cook with milk, butter, cream and cheese... A LOT. Alottalottalotta. Whoa Nelly.
So now, while I will be thrilled to get him feeling better and hoping this is it (as opposed to the alternative of wondering what the crap is going on)...this poses a HUGE challenge for me. How do I shop for milk allergies? What substitutes work and are good? What doesn't? How much is this going to freaking cost? How much longer will I spend preparing this food? How do I adjust?
So if you can answer any of those questions, please let me know. If you can't, then just pray that this transition is as seamless as possible.
*I seriously do love his two main doctors. Like really.
**Sorry for the foulness of my mouth but I get fairly irritable about this subject. And I cope by being foul. Deal.
It seems like every mother goes through this at one time or the other. For me, it seems like EVERY FREAKING TIME I DEAL WITH A DOCTOR!*....
That being said, I really love Sam's team of doctors. That's right team. My perfectly healthy son has a team of doctors. That makes me
The crap I'm referring to. Sam gets ear infections. All. The. Time. All of the time. This was a frequent occurrence and if you are reading this, you most likely read about my insecurities with tubes. But... we put the tubes in because "then he won't get any more ear infections!" and "they are the best things ever! life changing!"
Well they changed my life alright... that bill was life changing. Then a week after getting tubes, he gets a BITCHIN'** ear infection. You want to know how I know it was "bitchin" and not "irritable" or even "pmsing"... My son turned into a TURD! He had no fever... none. He didn't really even pull at his ears. But did he make me want to sell him to the circus? Damn close.
He tormented kids at daycare... he yelled at me... he threw fits... he wore his feelings on his sleeve... he got really clingy... What does this mean for the doctors? Nothing. Other than my child is acting bad. Or he may have a "cold" and not feel well which makes him crabby. It wasn't until he started leaking GREEN GLOBBY BOOGERS from his EARS that it was like... oh yeah... ear infection...
So we do the insanely expensive ear drops ($70 with insurance) and all is well in the world. He heals... we are told it is a fluke that he got a cold right after the tubes were put in... probably won't happen again.
Horse shit.
He gets a cold about a week and a half ago. And I say to myself, "this is going to end in an ear infection." I go out of town and he continues to be a hot soupy mess of mucous. But no symptoms. Not even the pure evil that originates in his ears.
That is until this week. When he got worse and worse behavior wise. Where he started trying to bite kids out of the
So now I'm convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has an ear infection. Let's start the drops.
But wait... that little voice of doubt in the back of my head wondering if that is the right thing to do! I call the doctor. I make an appointment. I cancel the appointment. I speak to doctor. This is where it goes bad for a bit.
I am told, "Well you don't even know what you are treating. It may not be an ear infection and you are just wasting money on drops. It doesn't sound like it is an infection. It sounds like he just has a virus that is making him feel bad."
I explain the resurrection of the evil child and how it ALWAYS correlates with an ear infection.
I am told, "Well you can keep doing the drops but I doubt that is what it is. Even if it gets better you won't know because it could have been just the virus running its course."
I get off the phone. I'm pissy. I'm doubting myself. I'm feeling stupid and protective and irritable. I call back. I make an appointment for 30 minutes in the future.
Holy smokes, Batman! What did we find?! He has an ear infection. Big. Shocker. (For the doctor it was anyway).
Then we entered into the conversation about why he is still getting ear infections. She says, if he has a constant runny nose (which he pretty much does) that the tubes can't handle that much mucous when coupled with a cold. There is a strong liklihood that he has a milk allergy and if we eliminate milk and all milk products for 3 weeks... we will likely see a huge improvement.
In my house, I cook with milk, butter, cream and cheese... A LOT. Alottalottalotta. Whoa Nelly.
So now, while I will be thrilled to get him feeling better and hoping this is it (as opposed to the alternative of wondering what the crap is going on)...this poses a HUGE challenge for me. How do I shop for milk allergies? What substitutes work and are good? What doesn't? How much is this going to freaking cost? How much longer will I spend preparing this food? How do I adjust?
So if you can answer any of those questions, please let me know. If you can't, then just pray that this transition is as seamless as possible.
*I seriously do love his two main doctors. Like really.
**Sorry for the foulness of my mouth but I get fairly irritable about this subject. And I cope by being foul. Deal.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Sam Doesn't Need Siblings After All
ALERT! ALERT!
If you are someone that thinks people overshare on the internet... you may want to pass this post up. No, scratch that, just pass this post up.
If you want to hear the story that Sam's future wife will inevitably hear over and over again... much to Sam's dismay... read on please. :-)
It was an average Sunday night in the Turner household. Nothing really going on other than Momma and Daddy mourning the loss of another weekend.
Daddy was sitting on the couch beside Momma entertaining a certain rambunxious 20 month old and a certain needy poodle named Skipper.
Sam and Daddy were having a tickle fight and Momma wasn't paying a whole lot of attention... and that's when it happened...
Daddy jumps up and yells, "NO SAM! NO NO NO! SHIT! NO SAM! NO!"
Sam, looks around and starts to wail. Crying, sobbing, distraught mess.
This left Momma wondering what the hell just happened. But never fear, because Momma used her Go Go Gadget detective skills to figure it out.
Let's see....
Daddy and Sam were having a tickle fight.
Last I saw Sam, he was wriggling down in to the floor... the last place I saw his head was somewhere near my husband's crotch...
I KNOW! I KNOW!
My son bit down on my husband's crown jewels!
So while Justin is walking laps around the ground floor of my house, I go ahead and ask... "Did Sam just bite you in the balls?"
It was redundant, I realize that. But I needed confirmation.
Through his pain, Justin says, "Yup."
Keep in mind, my husband is making laps around the kitchen wondering why it never occurred to him to wear a cup to dinner. Sam is in the floor crying like I just bit HIM in the testicles. And yet, I'm using every once of self-control I have to not roll in the floor laughing. I mean, you can't make this stuff up!
So everything cools down, Justin and Sam make up and all is well with the world.
That is, until Justin decides to do some deeper investigation.
I hear from the bathroom... "Rikki... come here."
My 20 month old son managed to bite my husband in his gonads... which is an accomplishment in itself. He also managed to DRAW BLOOD through khaki shorts and boxers.
And not just like a paper cut blood. No, see back in the junior high, we learn that that particular "area" has lots of blood vessels. This means greater potential for bleeding.
Through my laughter (I know, I'm wrong... but c'mon!) I ask if he wants a band-aid. We both cringe at that idea. I get him some Neosporin and left him to his own devices as I went to launder the carnage.
I get back and I find out... Neosporin wouldn't stop the bleeding. It was bleeding through it.
So my husband in his infinite wisdom, puts a bandaid. On his balls.
This couldn't have been a better Sunday if it tried and brought chocolate.
And, to quote my husband about taking the bandaid off, "I'm gonna let that bitch soak in the shower for a while."
At least he is a good sport and let me write this for the world to read. God love him.
If you are someone that thinks people overshare on the internet... you may want to pass this post up. No, scratch that, just pass this post up.
If you want to hear the story that Sam's future wife will inevitably hear over and over again... much to Sam's dismay... read on please. :-)
It was an average Sunday night in the Turner household. Nothing really going on other than Momma and Daddy mourning the loss of another weekend.
Daddy was sitting on the couch beside Momma entertaining a certain rambunxious 20 month old and a certain needy poodle named Skipper.
Sam and Daddy were having a tickle fight and Momma wasn't paying a whole lot of attention... and that's when it happened...
Daddy jumps up and yells, "NO SAM! NO NO NO! SHIT! NO SAM! NO!"
Sam, looks around and starts to wail. Crying, sobbing, distraught mess.
This left Momma wondering what the hell just happened. But never fear, because Momma used her Go Go Gadget detective skills to figure it out.
Let's see....
Daddy and Sam were having a tickle fight.
Last I saw Sam, he was wriggling down in to the floor... the last place I saw his head was somewhere near my husband's crotch...
I KNOW! I KNOW!
My son bit down on my husband's crown jewels!
So while Justin is walking laps around the ground floor of my house, I go ahead and ask... "Did Sam just bite you in the balls?"
It was redundant, I realize that. But I needed confirmation.
Through his pain, Justin says, "Yup."
Keep in mind, my husband is making laps around the kitchen wondering why it never occurred to him to wear a cup to dinner. Sam is in the floor crying like I just bit HIM in the testicles. And yet, I'm using every once of self-control I have to not roll in the floor laughing. I mean, you can't make this stuff up!
So everything cools down, Justin and Sam make up and all is well with the world.
That is, until Justin decides to do some deeper investigation.
I hear from the bathroom... "Rikki... come here."
My 20 month old son managed to bite my husband in his gonads... which is an accomplishment in itself. He also managed to DRAW BLOOD through khaki shorts and boxers.
And not just like a paper cut blood. No, see back in the junior high, we learn that that particular "area" has lots of blood vessels. This means greater potential for bleeding.
Through my laughter (I know, I'm wrong... but c'mon!) I ask if he wants a band-aid. We both cringe at that idea. I get him some Neosporin and left him to his own devices as I went to launder the carnage.
I get back and I find out... Neosporin wouldn't stop the bleeding. It was bleeding through it.
So my husband in his infinite wisdom, puts a bandaid. On his balls.
This couldn't have been a better Sunday if it tried and brought chocolate.
And, to quote my husband about taking the bandaid off, "I'm gonna let that bitch soak in the shower for a while."
At least he is a good sport and let me write this for the world to read. God love him.
Monday, September 12, 2011
That Time Michelle Bought Him a Tickle Me Elmo
My friend Michelle may be one of the best human beings to walk the planet. Why? Well, her loving on my son helps, but she is still pretty amazing without that fact.
Today, while at Toys R Us, Michelle thinks of my son when she sees an entire aisle dedicated to Elmo. She sent me a text picture of the aisle saying she wanted to buy them all for Sam. Little did I know, she really was going to buy one!
Enough already... here is the reaction.
Refresher course for those who don't know: Push his belly once, he says it tickles. Push it again, he likes it more. Push it three times, he shakes all over and laughs and makes a ridiculous scene (for those of you thinking of "that's what she said jokes, shame on you! this is a child's story!)
So, Michelle gives it to Sam, and he is ELATED. E freaking LATED. His whole face lights up, his eyes get bigger, he can hardly contain himself. Pure joy all over his face.
Then he got tickled for the third time.
Oh. Snap.
His face said the following two things at the very same time:
1) ohmuhgah momma is this really mine? Elmo is the best ever and Michelle is a close second. This is the best day ever please never let it end.
2) What the French toast is happening here? Help me momma! Make it quit... please GAWD make it stop!
Best time ever. No really... it was.
Here is a little picture montage that DOES NOT do it justice. I must have missed a few shots.
Mom, I really think I like it.
I mean, I'm pretty sure anyway.
I have anxiety, Mom. I smile when I'm nervous.
He stopped giggling. Whew! Close one, Mom!
Mom, I know she just gave me a gift, and I'm trying my best to smile, but what the french toast is he doing!? Hold me?
I'll just keep an eye on him over here. Please, no sudden moves.
That's the kind of "sudden moves" I was just talking about. How am I supposed to pretend I'm not afraid now?
Eff this! I'm out!
CUPPY CUPPY CUPPY CAKE!!!!!*
Okay so that was mean... but how freaking adorable (and chubby) is that picture!?
Today, while at Toys R Us, Michelle thinks of my son when she sees an entire aisle dedicated to Elmo. She sent me a text picture of the aisle saying she wanted to buy them all for Sam. Little did I know, she really was going to buy one!
Enough already... here is the reaction.
Refresher course for those who don't know: Push his belly once, he says it tickles. Push it again, he likes it more. Push it three times, he shakes all over and laughs and makes a ridiculous scene (for those of you thinking of "that's what she said jokes, shame on you! this is a child's story!)
So, Michelle gives it to Sam, and he is ELATED. E freaking LATED. His whole face lights up, his eyes get bigger, he can hardly contain himself. Pure joy all over his face.
Then he got tickled for the third time.
Oh. Snap.
His face said the following two things at the very same time:
1) ohmuhgah momma is this really mine? Elmo is the best ever and Michelle is a close second. This is the best day ever please never let it end.
2) What the French toast is happening here? Help me momma! Make it quit... please GAWD make it stop!
Best time ever. No really... it was.
Here is a little picture montage that DOES NOT do it justice. I must have missed a few shots.
Mom, I really think I like it.
I mean, I'm pretty sure anyway.
I have anxiety, Mom. I smile when I'm nervous.
He stopped giggling. Whew! Close one, Mom!
Mom, I know she just gave me a gift, and I'm trying my best to smile, but what the french toast is he doing!? Hold me?
I'll just keep an eye on him over here. Please, no sudden moves.
That's the kind of "sudden moves" I was just talking about. How am I supposed to pretend I'm not afraid now?
Eff this! I'm out!
CUPPY CUPPY CUPPY CAKE!!!!!*
Okay so that was mean... but how freaking adorable (and chubby) is that picture!?
Precious Moments I Don't Want to Forget
If you aren't into hearing the lovelies that are my son, then stop reading now. This post is chucked full of them!
He has been the sweetest boy this weekend. Just ate up with it. Here's how:
He has learned how to say, "I love you," which actually sounds like, "ud doo". But we know what it is. Normally he says it after we say it to him. This morning, Justin was leaving for work, and Justin says, "Bye bye Sam." Sam says, "Ud doo!"
Justin is going out of town for a few days and I just know this was just what he needed to hear.
He has also been wanting to give me "sugars" for no reason lately. He will just come up to me and pucker his lips. And who can say no to that?! Not this girl.
We took him and his little girlfriend Zoey to the park yesterday. They had so much fun! They went up and down the slides, they swang, they rode the bouncy car together... but when we were done, he was WORN OUT! But, his momma needed to continue her quest for safety pins before we went home and took a bath. So Sam tagged along as we went in Family Dollar. Then Dollar General. And finally Walgreens. But by the time we got to Walgreens and found the Holy Grail of Safety Pins (which is what I thought it was by then), Sam looked at me and says, "night night," and laid his head on my shoulders. Melt. My. Heart.
(I'm realizing how ADD this post is, but I'm just typing as I remember the cuteness.)
Earlier on Sunday, we had gotten back from church and eaten lunch. Justin and I were in our recliners with our feet up and Sam comes over to me and kisses my feet. I thought, "how sweet...and also kind of weird." But he isn't even two so it is mostly sweet. But then he keeps doing it. For like an hour, he would go play, then he'd run back and smile really big and kiss my toes. Then he did it to Justin. Over and over again, he'd come back to kiss our feet.
Needless to say, when it was time for his nap, I had a hard time putting him down. And when he cried, I went right back up there and got him and we took a nap together on my bed. For two sweet hours. And I don't regret it at all.
This morning, when he woke up, we went through our normal routine. Then he wanted to play so I pretended that he knocked me over and I fell into the floor. He comes up to me and says, "Up?" Then stuck out his hand and wanted to help me up. How sweet is that?! And he wouldn't give up until he "helped" me up. When I got up, he hugged my neck from behind...
Is there anything better out there?! Really? This last weekend was just fantastic. Happy Monday everyone!
He has been the sweetest boy this weekend. Just ate up with it. Here's how:
He has learned how to say, "I love you," which actually sounds like, "ud doo". But we know what it is. Normally he says it after we say it to him. This morning, Justin was leaving for work, and Justin says, "Bye bye Sam." Sam says, "Ud doo!"
Justin is going out of town for a few days and I just know this was just what he needed to hear.
He has also been wanting to give me "sugars" for no reason lately. He will just come up to me and pucker his lips. And who can say no to that?! Not this girl.
We took him and his little girlfriend Zoey to the park yesterday. They had so much fun! They went up and down the slides, they swang, they rode the bouncy car together... but when we were done, he was WORN OUT! But, his momma needed to continue her quest for safety pins before we went home and took a bath. So Sam tagged along as we went in Family Dollar. Then Dollar General. And finally Walgreens. But by the time we got to Walgreens and found the Holy Grail of Safety Pins (which is what I thought it was by then), Sam looked at me and says, "night night," and laid his head on my shoulders. Melt. My. Heart.
(I'm realizing how ADD this post is, but I'm just typing as I remember the cuteness.)
Earlier on Sunday, we had gotten back from church and eaten lunch. Justin and I were in our recliners with our feet up and Sam comes over to me and kisses my feet. I thought, "how sweet...and also kind of weird." But he isn't even two so it is mostly sweet. But then he keeps doing it. For like an hour, he would go play, then he'd run back and smile really big and kiss my toes. Then he did it to Justin. Over and over again, he'd come back to kiss our feet.
Needless to say, when it was time for his nap, I had a hard time putting him down. And when he cried, I went right back up there and got him and we took a nap together on my bed. For two sweet hours. And I don't regret it at all.
This morning, when he woke up, we went through our normal routine. Then he wanted to play so I pretended that he knocked me over and I fell into the floor. He comes up to me and says, "Up?" Then stuck out his hand and wanted to help me up. How sweet is that?! And he wouldn't give up until he "helped" me up. When I got up, he hugged my neck from behind...
Is there anything better out there?! Really? This last weekend was just fantastic. Happy Monday everyone!
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