My Son Is Going Dairy Free... Apparently

Today has been marginally crappy. I don't want to say shitty or even worse "the worst day ever." It has just been marginally crappy. Here is why.

It seems like every mother goes through this at one time or the other. For me, it seems like EVERY FREAKING TIME I DEAL WITH A DOCTOR!*....

That being said, I really love Sam's team of doctors. That's right team. My perfectly healthy son has a team of doctors. That makes me marginally extremely pissy. But I do really love them. And the ones I didn't love, I yelled at over the phone and never went to see anyway. Because that's how I roll. Don't mess with momma and damn sure don't mess with her baby...but I digress...

The crap I'm referring to. Sam gets ear infections. All. The. Time. All of the time. This was a frequent occurrence and if you are reading this, you most likely read about my insecurities with tubes. But... we put the tubes in because "then he won't get any more ear infections!" and "they are the best things ever! life changing!"

Well they changed my life alright... that bill was life changing. Then a week after getting tubes, he gets a BITCHIN'** ear infection. You want to know how I know it was "bitchin" and not "irritable" or even "pmsing"... My son turned into a TURD! He had no fever... none. He didn't really even pull at his ears. But did he make me want to sell him to the circus? Damn close.

He tormented kids at daycare... he yelled at me... he threw fits... he wore his feelings on his sleeve... he got really clingy... What does this mean for the doctors? Nothing. Other than my child is acting bad. Or he may have a "cold" and not feel well which makes him crabby. It wasn't until he started leaking GREEN GLOBBY BOOGERS from his EARS that it was like... oh yeah... ear infection...

So we do the insanely expensive ear drops ($70 with insurance) and all is well in the world. He heals... we are told it is a fluke that he got a cold right after the tubes were put in... probably won't happen again.

Horse shit.

He gets a cold about a week and a half ago. And I say to myself, "this is going to end in an ear infection." I go out of town and he continues to be a hot soupy mess of mucous. But no symptoms. Not even the pure evil that originates in his ears.

That is until this week. When he got worse and worse behavior wise. Where he started trying to bite kids out of the pure thrill of doing it irritability originating in his ears. Then there was that time that one kid scratched him and it threw Sam into a frenzy (you know... all "YOU WON"T LIKE ME WHEN I"M ANGRY!") and he bites the stink out of the other kid and Susan had to pull them off each other.

So now I'm convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has an ear infection. Let's start the drops.

But wait... that little voice of doubt in the back of my head wondering if that is the right thing to do! I call the doctor. I make an appointment. I cancel the appointment. I speak to doctor. This is where it goes bad for a bit.

I am told, "Well you don't even know what you are treating. It may not be an ear infection and you are just wasting money on drops. It doesn't sound like it is an infection. It sounds like he just has a virus that is making him feel bad."

I explain the resurrection of the evil child and how it ALWAYS correlates with an ear infection.

I am told, "Well you can keep doing the drops but I doubt that is what it is. Even if it gets better you won't know because it could have been just the virus running its course."

I get off the phone. I'm pissy. I'm doubting myself. I'm feeling stupid and protective and irritable. I call back. I make an appointment for 30 minutes in the future.

Holy smokes, Batman! What did we find?! He has an ear infection. Big. Shocker. (For the doctor it was anyway).

Then we entered into the conversation about why he is still getting ear infections. She says, if he has a constant runny nose (which he pretty much does) that the tubes can't handle that much mucous when coupled with a cold. There is a strong liklihood that he has a milk allergy and if we eliminate milk and all milk products for 3 weeks... we will likely see a huge improvement.

In my house, I cook with milk, butter, cream and cheese... A LOT. Alottalottalotta. Whoa Nelly.

So now, while I will be thrilled to get him feeling better and hoping this is it (as opposed to the alternative of wondering what the crap is going on)...this poses a HUGE challenge for me. How do I shop for milk allergies? What substitutes work and are good? What doesn't? How much is this going to freaking cost? How much longer will I spend preparing this food? How do I adjust?

So if you can answer any of those questions, please let me know. If you can't, then just pray that this transition is as seamless as possible.

*I seriously do love his two main doctors. Like really.

**Sorry for the foulness of my mouth but I get fairly irritable about this subject. And I cope by being foul. Deal.