WTF Wednesday: How to Raise a Pole but NOT Cancer Awareness (NSFW)

NSFW: Not Safe for Work 

Now that you've been warned...

Have you seen the latest "raise cancer awareness" campaign?! 

Here is a hint: 

That's right. We are raising testicular cancer awareness by posting pictures of your purple-headed-yogurt-slinger wrapped up in a sock. 

Can someone PURLEASE explain to me how this raises awareness for cancer?!

Because it has raised awareness with me, but not about cancer. 



There are WAAAAAYYYYY too many douchebags out there. 

Guys will look for any reason to show a lady their downtown hot dog stand. Any reason will do.

No matter how large or how... kiddie sized... they still want you to sign for their package. 

We've heard of the "stuffing a sock" in your pants to make the ladies think you are packing long schlong... so what are they stuffing these socks with?!

Some men are misled about what covering your eyes means. For instance, covering your eyes while taking a selfie of yourself hanging upside down with your man member tucked in a sock... that doesn't take away the fact that you just posted you yoo-hoo on the interwebs and I'm going to go ahead and say that username gave it away, yo. 

Manscaping... it isn't for everybody. 

Men do apparently go to the bathroom in groups. And they do much weirder things than women do in there. 

 

Not all men understand gravity. For instance, if you wrap a sock around a wee wee that isn't quite awake, it gives the illusion that said wee wee might be a "wee" bigger than it is. If you wrap it in a sock when it is "alert and at attention," the sock must be heavily starched in order to create the same illusion. 

There are lots of pervy-pervs out there. 

All I'm saying is, posting the chicken with a sock on it is witty and not perverted and you could raise just as much "awareness" and money without showing everyone your kibbles and bit. 

Peace out. 

T-Ball Practice Translation: Baby Monkeys with Gloves on Crack

YOU GUYZZZZZ!!!!

List of most entertaining things to watch in the whole wide world: 

1. A dog with peanut butter in its mouth

2. Babies dancing

3. Sea lions working their moves for cold fish

 
4. Babies laughing

5. 4 year olds playing T-Ball!

Sam has been to a few of these tee ball practices but yesterday's took the cake. To get the essence of what it was like, I'm going to just copy my "live-tweets" throughout the practice. I hope you enjoy. 

Live tweeting tee ball practice! Coach: Throw it to Landon, Sam! Sam: Who's Landon?!
 
Ball goes into left field... so does all of the infield. #tball 

Zoey takes off running to first base, gets made when they take the bat from her when she gets there. #tball.  

Sam gets a compliment from the coach... Commence pelvic thrust! #tball 

Kid gets on first base, decides it is boring so just sits down. #tball 

Sam hits the ball then runs after it with bat in hand. What? You had us chase the ball earlier?! #tball

While on first, next ball is hit... Chased it too! #oldhabitsdiehard #tball 

The pitcher ran home (past the ball) and the runner on third went and got the ball and tagged the pitcher out. #makessense #tball 

My son has the biggest helmet on the team. #bigheadprobs #nosharing #tball 

You know what makes running bases more fun? Jumping and yelling, "BOOGA" at the geese overhead. #tball 

Kids charge the pitcher. A lot. #tball 

To make things more interesting, simply twirl around the bat a few times and get good and dizzy first. #tball 

Justin tapped his knees to get Sam to get in defensive stance. Sam takes the opportunity to make that a dance. #tball 

Sam to coach: next time it's hit I'm going ZOOM and go get it. Coach: you could just stop it. Sam: not as much fun. #tball 

3 kid pile up at home. Not in batter order. #tball

 

Toastmasters Family

I am blessed to have good friends in my life. Ones that I wouldn't trade for a lifetime supply of Chicken Mini's (that should say a lot because those things are DELICIOUS)! 

The friends I have made through Toastmasters have blown me away recently. 

Our little club started a little over a year ago with some people on our campus that wanted to be better speakers and another group of people that were along for the ride. (Guess which one I was?)

Being a glutton for punishment, I helped charter the club. Then I became the club's secretary/treasurer. Then I became the VP of Membership. Then the president of the club had to step down and in true "Rikki can't stop staying yes" fashion, I took on the President role. 

I began in Toastmasters afraid of being publicly criticized. I had no issues speaking in public, but hearing how I could be better in front of group made me physically ill. Almost as ill as receiving praise in public does. 

I'm great behind the scenes. I turn into a socially awkward pubescent teen when recognition of any kind is hurled my way. 

But my Toastmasters family rallied around me. They saw something in me that I didn't. And they encouraged me to compete. 

This past Saturday, I competed in our Area speech competition. My friend, Alveno, had made it clear he was going to be there to support me. 

He wasn't competing and I'm sure there were 1,000 other places he could have been or things he could have been doing, but it was important to him to be there to support me and the other contestants from our club. 

That meant the world to me. 

One of my other friends from work/Toastmasters had found out she didn't have to be at the competition so she was going to TUNICA (gambling mecca of the south)! I wished her the best but was a little disappointed that she wouldn't be there to cheer me on like last time. 

When I looked back into the seats and saw her beautiful face, I ran up and hugged her so big! She deliberately tricked me and it made. my. day. 

Others throughout the day checked on me through social media or texting to see how it was going. 

And it went really well. Two other Toastmasters from our club won 2nd place in their competitions and I managed to win first place in mine. 

Winning was cool and I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't. But three things stuck with me that day that made the day absolutely fantastic. 

1) Watching a friend who has struggled with competing come out on top. He earned it and we could not have been happier. 

2) Those who took time out of their Saturday to support us and be our cheerleaders. That is friendship. And I know it meant the world to me. 

3) I received a compliment from someone I have a lot of respect for that doesn't typically give compliments. He said, "That's the best speech I've ever seen you give, slick."

I left out of that place practically floating! 

My coach went on and on about what a great job I did. We were able to talk about how awesome it was that our club came away with THREE winners. It was a celebration. 

And then I had people checking on it for the rest of the day, my dad was confused as to what I had done but was super proud as well, and my husband asked to see the speech because he missed it (which I did not do because I'd rather poop in my hands a clap than give a speech to one person). 

My son even gave me a high five before he asked me to give him a snack and take him to a movie. 

Saturday is one for the books. And my friends? Even yesser!

WTF Wednesday: Sheridan Administrators

Hot off the press!

Sheridan High School administrators stand by their backwards beliefs instead of their students!

Excuse me while I wipe the look of shock off of my face.

Need more info? 

Sheridan Refuses to Publish Gay Student Profile

Sheridan Administration Statement:

Since when do educators protect the community more than their own students?! 

Here I was, bopping along like a moron on a pixie-stick high thinking educators were supposed to be on the cutting edge of EDUCATION. 

I thought schools were supposed to TEACH our children right from wrong. About the history of oppression of underrepresented groups. About how all of those abhorrent events in history were CHANGED because someone STOOD UP against the status quo. 

Clearly, I was wrong. Clearly, fear of backlash is what drives us. Clearly, abiding by the law is less than abiding by the wishes of the community. Clearly, pride is more important that teaching our students the importance of righting a wrong. 

My husband is the yearbook advisor. My husband has been stressed about this situation from the inception of the story. 

He asked the students all the right questions to make sure it was morally and ethically sound. 

He informed the principal ahead of time about the laws and how censorship would be breaking the law. 

Publicly, he has remained quiet until today. If you are friends with him on Facebook, you know what I'm talking about.

Sheridan has done nothing but prove to me that while it would be more convenient to send my son to Sheridan schools, there is no way in hell ran by Mother Theresa's alter-go TeTe Fierce that I will send my son to that school district. 

I will home school before I let that shit happen. 

Yes. I would put my career on hold before sending my son to Sheridan schools. That is how important my son's education is to me. And that should speak VOLUMES about my opinion on that school district. 

Enough is enough. 

Sheridan stand up to your community and stand up for your students. It is your DUTY. 

Please comment and share on any and all social media outlets if you agree that this is outrageous. 

 

Sheridan High School Censors Gay Student Profile: Rikki's Take

I'd be lying to you guys if I told you I didn't know this was brewing for quite some time. 

This saga began a while back in my husband's Journalism class. 

You see, if you have read this article by the Human Rights Campaign, you know what I'm talking about. But my husband is the advisor to this group. He oversees the yearbook. And right now, he is DAMNED proud of his kids. 

The yearbook staff was charged with finding some student profiles with a story to tell. They are celebrating what makes us all different but that they all come together in the same community: Sheridan High School. 

There were several different profiles included: a student who was adopted, a student whose friend passed away, a student who had to use a wheelchair for a while; just to name a few. 

But also included was this story of a boy who came out on social media a year ago and who has been accepted in his community. It is a very uplifting story and one that needs to be told, especially in a small town like Sheridan where students are often afraid to be different. 

In fact, here is the story: 

"I use to be scared to say that I'm gay," Taylor Ellis, junior, said. "It's not fun keeping secrets; after I told everyone, it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders."
Ellis's "secret" was first shared in the summer of 2012, with his friend Joelle Curry, junior, and his mother, Lyn Tillman.
"I wasn't surprised at all," Tillman said. "I don't care because he's my son, and I know he's happier."
Ellis, who said he struggles with depression, which has gotten better since he has come out.
However, Ellis waited until spring break of 2013 to tell the rest of his peers; he did so through the social media site, Instagram.
I put it in my bio, and hashtagged pictures,” Ellis said. “When people would ask me about it, I just said 'yes I am,' and that was that."
Although the thought of coming out, and the repercussions of doing so, frightened Ellis at first, he found that most of the student body, as well as the teachers, were very accepting of him.
I wrote about it in Mrs. Williams class; it was when I first came out," Ellis said. "She told me she was glad I shared that with her. We had a stronger bond after that, I think."
"He had poured himself into it," Summer Williams,  sophomore English teacher, said. "It was one of the best ones I read. I was just so proud of his openness, and his honesty. It was a risk; sharing that with his classmates, but they were very accepting. It was good for him. I could tell he felt better after writing about it."
Ellis found that while people do not treat him with disrespect, some do seem to be more distant.
"Some guys are more reserved around me now," Ellis said. "But not a lot of people have been mean about it, thank God. I'm actually in a good situation. I'm very lucky."

When talk began of taking this story out of the yearbook, Justin made sure to let the administration know that this was illegal. Arkansas has a law prohibiting censorship of student publications (Arkansas Student Publications Act). Administrators may only censor student publications that are obscene, libelous, constitute an unwarranted invasion of privacy or incite students to commit unlawful acts or those against school policy are “not authorized” under the act.

This clearly doesn't fall under that category. 

Does all of this sound a bit familiar? Maybe because just last semester, Sheridan made national headlines for cancelling a Muslim speaker on 9/11 due to backlash from the community. 

Local coverage  

National Coverage 

Are you ready for Rikki's take? 

STOP EMBARRASSING THIS STATE BY BEING BIGOTS!!!

The education system in any town should be the EXAMPLE, not bow down to the uneducated demands! 

How are things going to change in Sheridan? How are students going to know it is okay being themselves? How are students going to become educated about other cultures if they aren't allowed to learn about them? How are you going to pretend you are protecting an openly gay student from bullying by not putting his story in the yearbook?

YOU ARE THE BULLY. 

And you are also the coward. 

You are the leadership. In Sheridan, the school IS the town. 

Be the leader. Do what is right. 

This is absolutely shameful. 

You are lucky to have teachers such as Justin that take the opportunity to teach students very seriously and are teaching them to find great stories, produce legitimate journalistic material, and to know when their rights are being taken away and how to stand up for themselves. 

Those types of students are the future leaders of America. Do we want to teach them to bow down to peer pressure, or to stand up for what's right even when it isn't easy?

If nothing else, here's a little advice from Liar Liar: 

STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE! 

 If you want to sign the petition to get the principal and superintendent's attention to reverse the decision, please go here and add your  name. If nothing else, support these students in their fight for what is right. 

WTF Wednesday: We Found a Match!

I'm basically pissing my pants with excitement, ya'll!

This process has been such a rollercoaster but praise be to Jesus because WE FOUND A MATCH!!!

I have two WTFs for today's post. Since I want to end up on a good note, let's start with the first one and that should catch you up to where we are now. 

If you  need catching up, here is the original post: 

So... earlier this month we found a match! We were very excited. But when it came time to schedule the retrieval, DOUCHEBAG STARTED DODGING CALLS!!!

 
Why go through ALL THE STEPS and then just decide, "Nah. I don't think saving someone's life is worth it."

And then to not even tell someone?! You don't have the decency to let the hospital know, "In case you haven't noticed, no I won't be a donor." 

And yes I realize something could have happened that was innocent enough... but if something did happen that was innocent enough, THEY WOULDN'T BE DODGING CALLS! 

Unless they are dead, which I do not hope is the case. Live on, douchebag. Live on. 

So we were back and square one and a little bummed. That put us behind what we were expecting the schedule to be. 

And then YESTERDAY HAPPENED! 

We had ANOTHER match and this one SCHEDULED THE RETRIEVAL!!!!

Pat is now scheduled to begin the process of the transplant on April 1!

That's right! We have our hero! 

Does that mean it is all sunshines and roses after this? 

No. 

But it gives us HOPE! 

Hope in a situation like this is such a relief! 

To each of you that helped us with the giveaway, I cannot express my gratitude! There are no words. 

 You have each sincerely touched my heart. 

And with that, here are the winners! 

Get it? Drum roll? I'm hilarious.

 Free Blog Design by Hubby Jack Blog Designs...

Amy at The Diary of a Fat Mommy!

$25 Walmart Gift Card from Nina at The Nina Show... 

Jessica J.

$25 Amazon Gift Card from Erin at She's a Big Star...

Gabriel R.

$75 Amazon Gift Card from Momma's Got a Dude's Name... 

Genevieve G. 

Winners be looking out for an email from me and/or your prize sponsor! 

If you still want to know more about being a bone marrow donor, please do not hesitate. You simply register online, they send you a kit that you swab the inside of your cheek and send the sample back to them. If you are selected as a match, the host site will walk you through every step and they make it so easy on the host to do this. Be a hero... 

BE THE HERO NOW

Monday Memoirs: Peanut Saves the Day

With my son starting t-ball practice this week, I can't help but reiminsce on the good old days of competitive softball.

I played on the Smash Hits and the Lady Express. I was always small and quick, but never batted clean up. From an early age I had noodly arms, so I relied on my quick feet for base-running.

Over the years, I developed an ability to place hit which kept me in the top of the line-up at least. I'll never forget District tournament one year when the stars aligned and I got to be hero of the game.

We were in a battle with this team (I forget who) and we were fighting our way out of the loser's bracket. For one reason or another, I was playing catcher (not typical as I am a second-baseman by trade) but my guess is we needed someone willing to take some hits to guard the plate and I wouldn't back down from a freight train if it meant winning the game.

And I proved that during this game because a truck of a woman saw me as fresh meat. She kept running full steam at me even though I had the ball and was guarding the plate. Her plan?

Knock me over and make me lose the ball.

My goal?

To not do that.

She plowed into me and we both tumbled and rolled.

When the dust settled and I was spitting a mouthful of dirt out on the ground, I reached into my glove to show the umpire that even though I tumbled like a weed in an old western movie, I didn't let go of the ball.

Bitch was OUT!

Had she scored, they would have been one run up on us. In overtime.

But as it stood then, we were tied.

When two outs were up on us at bat, it was my turn to take the plate.

Apparently, I had a shit-eating grin on my face the whole time. We had a runner on third and the right fielder was basically in center field. This was my chance to take this team out!

The first pitch I got, I swung hard, never erasing the smile off of my face.

When the ball landed in right field, it drew foul line chalk. The stands erupted in screams! The fence was rattling from all of my teammates and parents jumping on to the fences cheering!

And that poor right fielder's ass was just hustling trying to catch up with the ball!

As I rounded third, everyone was chanting, "PEANUT! PEANUT! PEANUT!"

I scored the winning runs for that game before the ball ever made it back to the infield.

I felt like a hero. Our team had fought so hard that tournament and I was able to help keep us alive for one more game.

I'll never forget that feeling. Especially since that was my last year to play before fast-pitch softball took over. Sure it was still fun, but it'll never take the place of the action in slow-pitched softball. 

Meet Finny and a Little Clarification

Okay, so clearly I have the opinions about Lent.

Really I have opinions about participating in religious rituals just for the sake of it rather than finding the meaning.

But apparently I didn't pay a lot of attention to how my previous post came across.

So, for clarification: 

• I have hidden zero bodies.
  
• I have murdered the same amount.
  
• I have pushed minimal children down just to see them cry.
  
• I have stolen $0 from old lady retirement funds.

Now that is cleared up, here is the reason behind my post (without getting too personal).

Have you ever heard they saying, "A body in motion tends to stay in motion, a body at rest tends to stay at rest." (law of physics...whatever)

Let's just say I have a good long spiritual nap.

I'm not out stealing from the poor and buying crack with it. Good grief.

But I stopped reading. And then I slacked on praying. And then I lost some faith.

And then He reminded to me to better.

And I was all, "Nah. I'm good."

Rinse and repeat for quite some time. And the Lenten season came around and I snapped out of it. It is time to make some changes. It is time to put effort back into my relationship with God. It is time to stop doing the same thing and expecting different results.

I know where I lost faith. That's my personal journey.

So stop thinking I'm out there stealing Girl Scout cookies. It isn't all that. Just trying to get my shit together. Nothing more complicated.

And now I'd like to do a little segment of,
 
"Haaaaaaaaaaaaave you met, Finny?"

If you follow me on Instagram, you already know Finny.

Finny is my son's alter ego.

When he is feeling sassy, he asks to dress up in girl clothes.

This is giving some people in my life a little heartburn.

I'm alright with it. Here is why.

I grew up with the name Rikki.

I grew up playing sports. Competively.

And not like, "we really like to win," competitively. I mean, like "win or live in shame" competitively.

Bleeding? Limping?

Rub some dirt on it and get back out there.

I grew up thinking Barbies were lame as hell and if I did have some? They were naked and missing limbs.

I grew up thinking trucks and cars were the SHIZ.

I grew up loathing the color pink and dresses.

I grew up helping my mom gut deer (or letting her throw major organs at me, whatever).

I grew up in home that taught me to take care of myself and if that meant breaking a boy's nose because he wouldn't stop throwing rocks at me, so be it!

And guess what?

I still like to charm the one-eyed snake, mmkay?

That didn't turn me "butch" or "lesbian" because I was into typical male stuff. Gender rules are LAME!

So if Sam wants to try on my skirt and make his hair pretty... okay. 15 minutes later he'll be wiping boogers on me anyway. It's whatevs.

You know what the real shame would be?

If he was born gay, and instead of letting him explore that, I stifled him and made him feel ashamed of who he is. Then he grows up thinking he is "less than" and hiding who he is from his mother.

So Finny, go on and be FABULOUS!