Day 9: A Defeat that Makes you Stronger

In the interest of full disclosure, I hate this topic.

Here's why.

No matter how you spin it, it seems like you are either bragging on yourself or playing a poor me game. The fact of the matter is everyone has defeats that have made them stronger.

But since I love reading other people's stories, I've found a story that falls into this category. I hope you enjoy my defeat. 

Here's what happened... 

I knew I could do it but I knew it'd be a challenge. She had a reputation of being kind of a bitch but so did I so it shouldn't be that big of deal. I can handle bitches. 

I made sure I was prepared with all the supplies needed to go to battle. She was not going to win today. I would conquer. And I'd be stronger for it. Like Nike says, "Just do it." 

It started slow. Kind of a warm up. I thought, "this isn't bad. nah, this will be fine." 

And that's when it started. 

My breath quickened and I began to perspire ever so slightly on my forehead. 

But the battle wasn't lost. I would not be defeated. 

I tried to keep up. Even if I didn't really know what to do, I could at least take context clues and pretend. I gave it my all. I did my best. 

My breath went from quickened to heavy panting. Panic was about to set in. 

How am I supposed to do this?! This woman is crazy?! I'm not match for her!!! 

No! No, I will press on! She is not going to beat me! I'm not going to be one of her victims! I'm better than that! 

Sweat is pouring like buckets now. This is embarrassing. I'm panting so heavily if someone saw me they'd be concerned for my health. They'd probably locate a paper bag or my inhaler. 

Just then, she yells, "Do not take a break! Do not sit down! Do not quit!" 

I couldn't take it anymore. I yelled, "YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" 

I'm only halfway participating at this point. The world is getting darker. Why are there green dots in my living room. 

That judgmental bitch can suck it. I have to take a break. 

I sit down on the chair. 

She says, "If you have to take a break, no longer than 5 seconds. I have 300lb people that can do this move. You can too." 

HOW DID SHE KNOW?!?!?! 

I knew death was imminent. I could not keep up. 

5 seconds passed. The room was spinning. 

I yelled, "FUCK YOU JILLIAN MICHAELS! I HATE YOU AND YOUR SIX PACK AND YOUR MEAN OLD DUMB FACE!" 

That'll teach her. 

She mocked me by pointing out I was only on level 1 of 3. 

Gee thanks, Jill. Thanks for pointing out that I'm inadequate even at the beginning level. I look forward to my life of flab and donuts. 

IF THIS IS WHAT FIT FEELS LIKE I'D RATHER DIE! 

And then I went and put my head under the faucet and tried to get at least a little water in my mouth. I then laid down on the ground and focused on not throwing up. 

How did this make me stronger? 

Simple. 

I make better decisions now. I have no desire to be "shredded." 

"Shredded" = "Death"

I choose life. 









November 1st – Intro – November
2. Crystal Michelle – www.crystalmichellesmess.com – Un Answered Prayers
3. Music
4. Karen – http://www.apeekatkarensworld.com/ – Friendship
5. Memories
6. Belly Laughs
7. Rikki – http://www.mommasgotadudesname.com/ – Simple Pleasures
8. Humor
9. A defeat that made you stronger
10. Erin- http://www.shesabigstar.com/ – Being a Mom
11. The one thing you love most about YOU
12. Duckie – http://www.frikkenduckie.com/ – Beach Days
13. Laura – http://lauraakalolo.blogspot.com/ – Mans Best Friend
14. Strength
15. Love
16. Erin – http://www.homemadehappenings-erin.blogspot.com – Family
17. Tradition
18. Mom & Dad
19. Candra – http://camoandlipstick.blogspot.com – Spouse ( husband or wife )
20. Thankful through pictures
21. Health
22. Angela – ( need your info sweets )
23. Insert your own here
24. Social Media
25. Ganeeban – http://girlytomboymusings.blogspot.com – Time
26. Booze
27. Thanksgiving!!
28. Blog Friends
29. Your State
30. The End of This 30 Day Blog!

There is Humor in the Poop

Thanks for joining me in the 30 Days of Thankfulness Link-up! If you want to participate, just join the link up over at Crystal Michelle's Mess and participate as often as you would like!

Today's topic is Humor and as my luck would have it, my son's butt could sense this topic was coming and did not want to disappoint. :-)

I bet adult Sam just hates 4 year old Sam sometimes. This blog will be so helpful for the psychiatrist.

On Wednesday, both myself and my husband were scheduled to fly out to different parts of the country. This means Sam got to spend a few nights with the Almighty Susan.

The problem was, Justin had to be at the airport by 5 am. Which means we were up at 4 am.

Sam was not pleased. The only way I could get him excited about it was to promise him IHOP after we dropped dad off. The promise of food always wins.

We arrive at IHOP at 5:30 am and we ate and were merry. Like really merry. Like Sam sang Taylor Swift loudly merry.

There is only so much time you can waste at the IHOP at 6 am so we headed out around 6:15 am. When we got in the car, Sam says, "My belly hurts."

No big deal. Not my first rodeo. I reassured him, "You got up really early and had some greasy food. You'll be okay."

I decided to head to get some gas. When I got back in the car from getting gas, Sam is now crying saying he is going to throw up.

Shit.

Even though Susan doesn't open until 7:30 am, I went ahead and headed to her house and figured we would just hang out in the front until she woke up and then we'd go in a little early.

We get to her house and Sam is SCREAMING and THRASHING... all the while swearing he is going to throw up. Here is how the conversation went.

Sam: I'M GONNA FROW UP!!!!

Me: It's okay. Just throw up in the yard.

Sam: NOOOOO!!!! OWWW!!!!!

Me: You'll feel better if you just throw up. Just let it go.

Sam: NOOOO!!! I NEED TO GO INSIIIIIIDDDEEE!!!

Me: It is 6:30 am Sam. We aren't going in. Just throw up out here.

Sam: WAKE HER UP!!! I NEED TO GO INSIDE!!!

Me: No. Throw up out here. Just do it.

Sam: WHAT IF I THROW UP ALL DAY!?!?!?!

Me: Well you need to start throwing up for it to get that far. Just throw up.

TEARS. ALL THE TEARS.
INCOHERENT SOBS.
SO MANY TEARS.

Me: Baby I'm right here. Just throw up.

Then he suddenly stops and yells, "I NEED TO GO POOP!!!!"

Bingo. Yahtzee. You have my attention.

Me: Well that I can wake her up for. She'd rather you poop in the toilet probably.

I called her and she woke up and let us in. I apologized profusely but I'm certain she didn't hear it over ALL THE YELLING AND SCREAMING.

I get him to the downstairs bathroom and he is screaming,
"IT'S TOO LATE! IT'S TOO LATE!!!!!!"

Me: It isn't too late. I'll change you if I need to. Just get on the toilet.

Sam: NOOOO!!! ITS TOO LAAATE!

I get him on the toilet. It wasn't too late (thank you higher beings).

Sam: I'm GONNA THROW UP!!!!!

Me: (hands him the trash can) Here. Now no matter what end you want to use, you have a receptacle. Now throw up or poop. Your choice.

Sam: AGHGGHGH!!!! I HATE THIS!!!! OWWWWW!!!

Then all of the sudden. The noise stopped. After exactly one second of silence, the grunts began.

His face turned red and then purple. His eyes bugged out. He didn't blink.

Sam: UGHGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!

Loud 'PLOP' followed by a powerful 'SPLASH'.

Sam looks me dead in the eye, grins to the point of laughter and says,

"I'M SO HAPPY!!!!"

I lost it. I laughed so stinking hard. He was so happy and relieved he joined me in the laughter.

Sam: That was a close one mommy!

Yes it was son. We almost over-reacted to something.


November 1st – Intro – November
2. Crystal Michelle – www.crystalmichellesmess.com – Un Answered Prayers
3. Music
4. Karen – http://www.apeekatkarensworld.com/ – Friendship
5. Memories
6. Belly Laughs
7. Rikki – http://www.mommasgotadudesname.com/ – Simple Pleasures
8. Humor
9. A defeat that made you stronger
10. Erin- http://www.shesabigstar.com/ – Being a Mom
11. The one thing you love most about YOU
12. Duckie – http://www.frikkenduckie.com/ – Beach Days
13. Laura – http://lauraakalolo.blogspot.com/ – Mans Best Friend
14. Strength
15. Love
16. Erin – http://www.homemadehappenings-erin.blogspot.com – Family
17. Tradition
18. Mom & Dad
19. Candra – http://camoandlipstick.blogspot.com – Spouse ( husband or wife )
20. Thankful through pictures
21. Health
22. Angela – ( need your info sweets )
23. Insert your own here
24. Social Media
25. Ganeeban – http://girlytomboymusings.blogspot.com – Time
26. Booze
27. Thanksgiving!!
28. Blog Friends
29. Your State
30. The End of This 30 Day Blog!

An InLinkz Link-up

Day 7: Simple Pleasures

This is one of my favorite things to be thankful for. The little things in life that make life rich. Here are some of my favorites: 

A comforting cup of coffee. 

This past weekend I discovered a cup of coffee mixed with a packet of hot chocolate and a sprinkle of pumpkin spice creamer. Heaven in a cup. 

A well-placed "that's what she said" joke. 

I mean, does it get any better? 

Afternoon naps with my son. 

He still holds my hand as we fall asleep. The sweetness is so intense we are getting cavities. 

When someone does something nice for you just because. 

Whether it is your husband bringing home dinner so you don't have to cook, a surprise coffee or Diet Dr. Pepper in the early afternoon, or a quick text to see how you are doing... being special to people is just fantastic. 

Thank you notes. 

I need to be better at sending these but when someone takes the time out to thank you for something, no matter how small, can make your whole day better. 

This list is short but these 5 little things are very significant. 

What are your simple pleasures? 

Thankful for Belly Laughs: Day 6

I've said it before and I'll say it again... 

Laughing is my favorite! 

Hopefully I can give you a belly laugh or two today. Enjoy some of my favorite funnies on the interwebs... 

WTF Memories on Day 5

Day 5 of 30 Days of Thankful is dedicated to Memories. 

How are you supposed to narrow that down?!

I have so many great memories... 

Like when I sprayed my sister in the eyes with Windex and had to miss church... 

Or when I hit a game winning grand slam in overtime at the District tournament for softball and we won the whole dang thing... 

Or when I tricked my now brother in law into thinking he kept dialing the wrong number by acting like the AT&T lady... 

Or the 14,000 times I've given my dad's phone number to guys asking for my number (this is especially fun because his name is Ricky)... 

But I've decided to go with one of my husband's favorite stories from my childhood. 

He gets a kick out of my childhood stories because he grew up in the city and was fairly protected, whereas I grew up in the country (deep country) and am familiar with a good old fashioned country ass whoopin'. 

The only thing missing from this story is the city, bless our hearts. 

We grew up on a boulder-like dirt road and our driveway was gravel. We never mowed because there wasn't grass to mow really (the rocks kept what grass we did have fairly protected). We also burned our trash. 

My mom and my aunt would watch us and my cousins together quite frequently, which most of the time meant we were told to go play outside. With no neighbors or traffic, we had some pretty good free reign to do as we pleased. They also drank Zimas from time to time, which are in glass bottles. 

I don't think any of us (cousins and sister) were over 7 years old when this occurred, but one of us found the stash of glass bottles waiting to be taken to the dump (on our land). 

And to a bunch of young children, the sound of breaking glass on the gravel was hilarious. And man were we tickled! 

I don't know how many bottles we broke in the gravel driveway before they heard and came to investigate, but by the looks on their faces and the steam coming from their ears, it must have been a lot. 

My mom ripped me and my sister up and started beating our tails all the way in the house. When she finally stopped spanking us, my aunt says, "Get them too!" Referring to her two kids. I believe that was the first time my mom had spanked them but she didn't miss a beat and started tearing into them too. 

Once safely inside, I distinctly remember at least 3 out of 4 of us busting a gut laughing (sorry Ma). Spankings weren't unusual in our world and our fathers were much more adept at it. As much as it hurts my little feminist heart to say, mom's spankings didn't hurt and I'm fairly sure Ashley was just tickled that my mom had just spanked her. 

And we honestly didn't realize what we were in trouble for! The sound was so cool! Tires be damned... Safety be damned... it was like our own little science experiment. 

I think back on it now and laugh because there is no telling how long or even how they got all that glass cleaned up. I don't remember any flat tires but my mom reads this blog so maybe she can clarify things from her side. 

This may not be a memory my mom or aunt is very thankful for, but I sure am. That country upbringing made me who I am today. And at least now I know that it isn't okay to bust glass bottles in the driveway. 

Thankful for my Friends: Day 4

If I truly consider you a "friend" you are in an elite bunch. 

That is not a testament to my elite status but to yours. I have no trouble cutting people out of my life if they haven't earned the spot in it. I don't have time for "fake" or "selfish". 

I am thankful to call quite a few people true friends. I won't call them out by name, but you know who you are. 

I can be my true self with you... crazy, irrational, vulnerable. 

We laugh. A lot. 

We don't take life too seriously. 

If one of us every needs anything, it isn't even a question. It is a "how can I help" or sometimes even a, "bitch you will take my help regardless of how you feel about it." 

These types of friendships are two-way. 

You see, there are several more people I can add to the list that I would give them the shirt off of my back or my last morsel of food if they needed it, but I know I wouldn't get the same in return. That doesn't change my actions towards them. And I don't fault them for it. 

But it makes me appreciate those true friends even more. The street runs both ways and we both frequent each side. Blood relation or not, we are family. 

To each of you I can truly call my friend, I thank you. 

Getting Muh Groove On, Day 3

Music... makes the people... come together... yeahhhhhhh

Madonna is deep, yo. 

Music has a way of changing my mood completely. As a self-identified person with  heart of stone due to my inability to cry at movies, music has moved me to tears a number of times. Some of my favorites for a good soul-searching are: 

Wanted: Hunter Hayes
Man in the Mirror: Michael Jackson
Jesus Take the Wheel: Carrie Underwood
Independence Day: Martina McBride
Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning: Alan Jackson
Proud to be an American: Lee Greenwood
Blown Away: Carrie Underwood

I can't say exactly why each of these bring me to tears but they do. I connect with the emotions of others and highly emotional songs bring that out. 

But also, I can rely on music to bring me into a good mood or even fuel the fire for an already good mood. 

When I wake up in the morning, I love Pitbull radio on Pandora. I dance like a moron while drying my hair and putting on make up. And before you make fun of me, answer me this... Who has more songs to Zumba routines than Pitbull? 

Check. Mate. 

Music also makes me laugh... 

Let Me Ride that Donkey? 
Poison? 
You Can't Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd? 
Dick in a Box? 

That shit is funny. 

Also, if I'm in an ass-kicking mood... Miranda Lambert fuels the fire. 

Gunpowder and Lead
Momma's Broken Heart
Fastest Girl in Town
Kerosene
Only Prettier
Somethin' Bad

Nothing like badass music to make me feel like a badass. 

What music are you thankful for? 

30 Days of Thankfulness: November and Unanswered Prayers

Today I begin the 30 Days of Thankful link-up with the beautiful Crystal Michelle Mess. 

Day 1's topic is "November." 

And let me go ahead and get on my soapbox about November. 

November is not my favorite month, but it is up there. I tend to like summer months that are themed around beers around the pool and warm weather. And November tends to be the beginning of cold weather and cold makes me cranky. 

However, November gets in my top 4 months because  the theme is thankfulness. 

Here is my shout out to the haters that say, "We should be thankful year-round." 

These are the same people who say, "I don't need a certain date of the year to dictate when I'm going to try to make myself a better person." 

Sure. You're right. But we aren't typically thankful year-round and this is a month focused on thanks. Just like we should be interested in Black History year-round, as it turns out, we aren't and February is a great time to learn because we are surrounded by it. 

So shut up and be thankful. :-) Or just shut up and let the rest of us. 

Basically the reason I love November is simple: Thankfulness. 

No matter what we are going through, we have a lot to be thankful for. Even if the world is crashing down around you, we still have toilet paper, right? We live in a world where deoderant is prevalent, don't we? Anybody want to send a shout out to lice shampoo?! 

Think about it. What oddities are you super thankful for? Here are a few of mine: 

Funny bandaids
Sarcasm
Email
Online banking
Bacon
Easy access to bacon
Benadryl
Mirena
Electric dryers
Memory foam
Bras!

I could go on and on. Thank you, November, for making me think about the things I should be thankful for! 

Day 2: Un-answered Prayers

This one is tough for me because I don't remember many prayers that have gone unanswered. I've never been a pray-er for specific things. I tend to pray for understanding, peace, and "God's will  be done." 

I think a big reason for this outlook on my part is that I don't subscribe to the prevalent Christian thought that God is in control of everything, including bringing people to cancer and death. 

Do I understand why Justin has lost both of his parents to cancer and he is just 31? 

No. Absolutely not. 

Do I believe God did that to them? 

No. Absolutely not. 

So my prayers tend to be, "Make the best of this situation. Prepare our hearts to use this for your glory. Provide a way for this situation to show love to other people who need it."

Going back to the issue of Justin's mother. She had three rounds of cancer and it finally took her at the age of 60. 

That was not of God. And you won't convince me that it was. 

But do you know what was God? 

The awareness that came from it. Several people donated the gift of life by registering to be Bone Marrow Donors on behalf of her. People put themselves aside and took time out to show her love and love for others. She started a movement. That was powerful and that was an answered prayer. 

A good friend of mine was selected as a bone marrow match for someone going through blood cancer. He has answered the call. 

That is an answered prayer. 

I do believe that God has his timing and it is more wise than my own. I am aware that I want things either now or yesterday and I do not exercise patience like I should. But instead of focusing on unanswered prayers and trying to figure out what they are and how they have blessed me, I tend to focus on the answered ones... 

• Medicine for my mom that keeps her leukemia in remission... 
• Other blood cancer patients lives saved because Pat's disease raised awareness for others to become heros... 
• The fact that I can call so many of my friends heros... 

Which prayers of yours are you thankful for? Both answered and unanswered? 


Do you want to join the thankfulness movement? Below are the days and the themes for each. Link up with Crystal Michelle and share the thanks! 

November 1st – Intro – November

2. Crystal Michelle - www.crystalmichellesmess.com - Un Answered Prayers

3. Music

4. Karen - http://www.apeekatkarensworld.com/  -  Friendship

5. Memories

6. Belly Laughs

7. Rikki - http://www.mommasgotadudesname.com/ – Simple Pleasures

8. Humor

9. A defeat that made you stronger

10. Erin-  http://www.shesabigstar.com/ – Being a Mom

11. The one thing you love most about YOU

12. Duckie - http://www.frikkenduckie.com/ - Beach Days

13. Laura - http://lauraakalolo.blogspot.com/  - Mans Best Friend

14. Strength

15. Love

16. Erin & Andy - http://www.homemadehappenings-erin.blogspot.com – Family

17. Tradition

18. Mom & Dad

19. Candra - http://camoandlipstick.blogspot.com – Spouse ( husband or wife )

20. Thankful through pictures

21. Health

22. Angela – ( need your info sweets )

23. Insert your own here

24. Social Media

25. Ganeeban –  http://girlytomboymusings.blogspot.com - Time

26. Booze

27. Thanksgiving!!

28. Blog Friends

29. Your State

30.  The End of This 30 Day Blog!

Track the Tank Lands in Arkansas!

That's right it did!

I've been looking forward to this for quite. some. time.

Turns out when a tank top is roaming around the country... it takes some time. Go figure.








Now I'm supposed to say what motivates me...

This seems like a loaded question. Am I supposed to say something about fitness? Life? Requote Maya Angelou?

Also, I have the ADDs and get all flustered. So here are my thoughts, take it or leave it.

1) Bitches get stuff done.

I swear I'm getting this tattooed on me somewhere.

But the fact of the matter is, if you want something, then work for it and get it. Period.

Excuses are like assholes and I don't want to touch them.

Whining is for sissies.

Make a plan. What are your goals? When you have your goals, start working toward them. Set an action plan. Then do it.

It is simple, yes. For some overly simple, but that's just how I see it. If I have goals that I haven't achieved, I'm the problem.

2) This kid.

This kid would. not. smile. So I mocked him. #mommywin

A few years ago I was told at the ripe, bold age of 28 that I had high cholesterol.

Well shit.

And I was told that I'd have to take medicine for it.

Bull shit.

So I took my doctor's challenge of cutting out carbs (mainly processed carbs but limiting everything) and bam! It worked. 

Let me break it down for you non-believers: 

I call it the reverse-racism diet. 

No whites. 

• flour
• sugar
• rice
• potatos

That's it. 

Eat all the meat you can stand. No really. 

Bring on the cheese. Bring on the eggs and meat. Load up the veggies. 

Limit the fruit. 

I dropped 20 lbs something quick (from around 150lbs to 130lbs) and I've kept it off. And my cholesterol dropped 50 pts ya'll! 

My kid deserves to have his momma around for as long as I can make it. I don't want him to find me in heart-attack mode because I didn't have the self-control to put down the chocolate covered donut. 

Final thoughts: 

Everyone was so serious with their quotes on the shirt. So I wrote "err'body love some side boob."

Because, really, they do. :-) 

And yes I still use my super cool treadmill to stay awake while reading for class.