There was that time I wanted to watch the weather and he wanted to watch cartoons so he said, "Momma, its raining, now can I watch cartoons?" It was raining. He got me there.
There was that time he told me upon getting home from Grandma's house that, "Papa chicka a bow bow'ed and Grandma backed it up."
There was that time he asked me what the condensation was on the window. Yes, there was in fact condensation on the window.
But this last few days he has said a few that I felt should be documented again. I actually uttered the words, "I can't wait to see what happens to you son... but the possibilities scare me and I hope I don't have to bail you out."
His Booty
I had to pick Sam up for swim lessons today and work was so horrendous today (I actually uttered the words, "Did today get ear marked for idiots and assholes are what?!" I normally deal with some interesting people/situations but today took the cake for most of them being shoved into one day) so I agreed to meet a coworker at Dunkin Donuts because we needed to catch up on things and they have delicious coffee there.
When I got to Susan's and since I didn't let her know I was coming early, he wasn't in his swim trunks yet.
No problem. I got them for him and told him to put them on. The conversation went as such:
Me: Here Sam. Take your shorts and undies off and put these on.
Sam: But mom, I don't want anyone to see my booty.
Me: Well we can go upstairs to the bathroom if you don't want people to see your booty.
Sam: Yeah, good idea. Cuz when they see my booty, they FIGHT over me!
I'm sorry, what?
Who fights over you, child? And what is it about your booty that they fight over? So I asked...
Me: Sam, why do they fight over your booty?
Sam: (with this blank stare of "what a stupid question") Because my booty is awesome.
Well sure. Why didn't I think of that?
Once I assured him no riot would break out in regards to his booty, he got dressed and we were on our way.
Anyone else picturing Sam in 16 years on one of these memes?
There is also a song called, "My Booty is so Luxurious." Maybe that will be the theme song to his reality show.
Water in His Ears
Onward, ho to swim lessons!
This was his 8th swim lesson and I told Daniel that we wanted to continue until we were confident he could fall in and swim to safety (as in just get to the side of the pool). Daniel expressed an interest in teaching him to float on his back so that he could at least do that until someone could get to him. Daniel's exact words were: "Anyone can float on their back!"
I should have known when he uttered those words this was not going to go well.
Sam was uninterested in learning this technique. He just wasn't going to do it.
When he got in the car, I said, "Sam, why didn't you float on your back?"
Sam: I don't like to do that. Water gets in my ears.
Me: Sam water gets in your ears when you swim and when you go under water and you do that. Why is floating on your back different?
Sam: How do I keep water out of my ears?
Me: You don't. That is part of swimming. You'll get water in your ears.
Sam: Or I could just not float on my back. That makes sense.
Well I guess that does make sense you smart butt.
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