Then, I immediately felt something on my butt. And I thought, "Hey there thing on my butt. What are you?"
It was quite early. I wasn't alarmed for my health or anything. But I was certainly curious what was on my butt.
(my husband is looking over my shoulder right now thinking, "WTF was on her butt?!" Don't worry, he'll find out along with you all.)
Anyway, back to my butt.
There was something on it.
I reached around and touched it... (it wasn't my butthole or anything... don't get carried away... it was on the broad side of my right cheekers where all good things in life are).
It was a mother puppy M&M.
You would think this is the part where it would end and say, "that was my WTF moment."
It wasn't. My thought process after discovering the ass candy was WTF worthy.
Thought 1:
Those little candy shells aren't playing.
Seriously. They are magical. I don't have a slight ass. I don't typically move a lot in my sleep. There was no chocolate melted on my ass nor the sheets. They should make planes out of that shit!
Melts in your mouth, not in your hand?
Also, not on your butt!
Thought 2:
DAMN IT! I WANTED TO EAT THAT.
I realize it would have ended up on my ass anyway, but I would have liked to have tasted it first, you know?!
Thought 3:
Seriously... WTF is that candy shell made of?! I ingest that quite often. Is it digestible?
What should have been thought 4 (but didn't occur to me right now):
How did the damn M&M get on my ass in the first place!?
1) I aim for my mouth every time. Not my ass.
2) I am the cheapest person on the planet. Wasting even one M&M pisses me off.
3) I have a deep love and admiration for peanut butter M&Ms... I keep an eye on them.
How in the hell did that happen?
And how in the hell did I not notice ALL NIGHT?!
Folks is tired round these parts. Real. Damn. Tired.
Have you ever found an M&M on your butt?
I found a jelly bean...In my belly button.... Put there by my loving hubs....About 3 effing hours after I woke up. Karma is a beeotch tho ;) he fell asleep eating Swedish fish and woke up with one stuck in his ARM. PIT. HAIR. Bwahahahah!!!
ReplyDeleteI probably would have eaten it anyways... in secret of course, but it probably still would've happened. ESPECIALLY if it was peanut butter! I don't play with those. :)
ReplyDeletebwahahaha you crack me up!
ReplyDeletePB M&M's are my favorite too!
ReplyDeleteProps to a bad ass blogger that can do a whole post on an M&M & keep us captivated until the end!