The Terrible 2's were CAKE!

Ok seriously, do we say it is the terrible two's just because it rhymes? Are we that stupid? 

Because I'm here to tell you, my son has 3 days until he turns 3 and I'm not positive he will make it to see the day. 

Now I say all of this to say, even when he is acting like a dumbstruck moron with a death wish, it is still hilarious and it takes a lot of self control on my part not to laugh and say, "Well I had that coming."

But, just over the last week and a half where we have been on break, we have not gone to go get ice cream 3 times because he couldn't act right. There have been a few mornings where he lived in time out. He earned a few spankings (which we aren't very liberal with around these parts). He spent a day where he wasn't allowed on the furniture at all (floor sittin' never hurt no one). And yesterday he went to bed an hour early with no dinner. 

Things Sam has said over the last few weeks: 

After being told to do almost anything for the third or fourth time: 
"Mom, I'm trying to but you keep talking to me!"

After being told to stop standing on the chairs:
"Grandma said I could. Don't be ugly to me, momma!"

After me telling him not to take my spices off of my spice rack then finding all 12 of them shoved in his oven:
"But I was making you a cake! You welcome!"

Dragging his toy laptop into the kitchen while I'm cooking breakfast:
"Momma get me bacon. I need to check my email."

After being told he couldn't close the garage door:
"But momma, I'm just one little kid!"

Me: Sam eat your breakfast.
Sam: I'm not hungry.
Me: then throw it away.
Sam: Daddy said something to you.
(Justin is asleep)
Me: what did Daddy say?
Sam: He said for you to stop being angry at me.

Things I have caught myself saying the last few days:

"Sam, I'm positive nothing good can come from you standing on the toilet."

"Sam, is that a fry in your underwear?" Seconds later... "DON'T EAT IT!!!" (he giggled)

"Sam, put the hammer down. DON'T HAMMER THE DOG!"

So seriously... about these terrible two's? Was he a smart ass? Sure. Did he experiment with tantrums? Of course. 

But this three year old business... well it is why grown women have drinking problems. I'm sure of it. 

Now, he has had an ear infection. And he has been snotty. And some people think that is what is to blame for this. 

But I say boo hockey. 

Sometimes kids are just assholes. Hilarious little assholes.