Sam Doesn't Need Siblings After All

ALERT! ALERT!

If you are someone that thinks people overshare on the internet... you may want to pass this post up. No, scratch that, just pass this post up.

If you want to hear the story that Sam's future wife will inevitably hear over and over again... much to Sam's dismay... read on please. :-)

It was an average Sunday night in the Turner household. Nothing really going on other than Momma and Daddy mourning the loss of another weekend.

Daddy was sitting on the couch beside Momma entertaining a certain rambunxious 20 month old and a certain needy poodle named Skipper.

Sam and Daddy were having a tickle fight and Momma wasn't paying a whole lot of attention... and that's when it happened...

Daddy jumps up and yells, "NO SAM! NO NO NO! SHIT! NO SAM! NO!"

Sam, looks around and starts to wail. Crying, sobbing, distraught mess.

This left Momma wondering what the hell just happened. But never fear, because Momma used her Go Go Gadget detective skills to figure it out.

Let's see....

Daddy and Sam were having a tickle fight.

Last I saw Sam, he was wriggling down in to the floor... the last place I saw his head was somewhere near my husband's crotch...

I KNOW! I KNOW!

My son bit down on my husband's crown jewels!

So while Justin is walking laps around the ground floor of my house, I go ahead and ask... "Did Sam just bite you in the balls?"

It was redundant, I realize that. But I needed confirmation.

Through his pain, Justin says, "Yup."

Keep in mind, my husband is making laps around the kitchen wondering why it never occurred to him to wear a cup to dinner. Sam is in the floor crying like I just bit HIM in the testicles. And yet, I'm using every once of self-control I have to not roll in the floor laughing. I mean, you can't make this stuff up!

So everything cools down, Justin and Sam make up and all is well with the world.

That is, until Justin decides to do some deeper investigation.

I hear from the bathroom... "Rikki... come here."

My 20 month old son managed to bite my husband in his gonads... which is an accomplishment in itself. He also managed to DRAW BLOOD through khaki shorts and boxers.

And not just like a paper cut blood. No, see back in the junior high, we learn that that particular "area" has lots of blood vessels. This means greater potential for bleeding.

Through my laughter (I know, I'm wrong... but c'mon!) I ask if he wants a band-aid. We both cringe at that idea. I get him some Neosporin and left him to his own devices as I went to launder the carnage.

I get back and I find out... Neosporin wouldn't stop the bleeding. It was bleeding through it.

So my husband in his infinite wisdom, puts a bandaid. On his balls.

This couldn't have been a better Sunday if it tried and brought chocolate.

And, to quote my husband about taking the bandaid off, "I'm gonna let that bitch soak in the shower for a while."

At least he is a good sport and let me write this for the world to read. God love him.

That Time Michelle Bought Him a Tickle Me Elmo

My friend Michelle may be one of the best human beings to walk the planet. Why? Well, her loving on my son helps, but she is still pretty amazing without that fact.

Today, while at Toys R Us, Michelle thinks of my son when she sees an entire aisle dedicated to Elmo. She sent me a text picture of the aisle saying she wanted to buy them all for Sam. Little did I know, she really was going to buy one!

Enough already... here is the reaction.

Refresher course for those who don't know: Push his belly once, he says it tickles. Push it again, he likes it more. Push it three times, he shakes all over and laughs and makes a ridiculous scene (for those of you thinking of "that's what she said jokes, shame on you! this is a child's story!)

So, Michelle gives it to Sam, and he is ELATED. E freaking LATED. His whole face lights up, his eyes get bigger, he can hardly contain himself. Pure joy all over his face.

Then he got tickled for the third time.

Oh. Snap.

His face said the following two things at the very same time:

1) ohmuhgah momma is this really mine? Elmo is the best ever and Michelle is a close second. This is the best day ever please never let it end.

2) What the French toast is happening here? Help me momma! Make it quit... please GAWD make it stop!

Best time ever. No really... it was.

Here is a little picture montage that DOES NOT do it justice. I must have missed a few shots.

Mom, I really think I like it.

I mean, I'm pretty sure anyway.

I have anxiety, Mom. I smile when I'm nervous.

He stopped giggling. Whew! Close one, Mom!

Mom, I know she just gave me a gift, and I'm trying my best to smile, but what the french toast is he doing!? Hold me?

I'll just keep an eye on him over here. Please, no sudden moves.

That's the kind of "sudden moves" I was just talking about. How am I supposed to pretend I'm not afraid now?

Eff this! I'm out!

CUPPY CUPPY CUPPY CAKE!!!!!*

Okay so that was mean... but how freaking adorable (and chubby) is that picture!?

Precious Moments I Don't Want to Forget

If you aren't into hearing the lovelies that are my son, then stop reading now. This post is chucked full of them!

He has been the sweetest boy this weekend. Just ate up with it. Here's how:

He has learned how to say, "I love you," which actually sounds like, "ud doo". But we know what it is. Normally he says it after we say it to him. This morning, Justin was leaving for work, and Justin says, "Bye bye Sam." Sam says, "Ud doo!"

Justin is going out of town for a few days and I just know this was just what he needed to hear.

He has also been wanting to give me "sugars" for no reason lately. He will just come up to me and pucker his lips. And who can say no to that?! Not this girl.

We took him and his little girlfriend Zoey to the park yesterday. They had so much fun! They went up and down the slides, they swang, they rode the bouncy car together... but when we were done, he was WORN OUT! But, his momma needed to continue her quest for safety pins before we went home and took a bath. So Sam tagged along as we went in Family Dollar. Then Dollar General. And finally Walgreens. But by the time we got to Walgreens and found the Holy Grail of Safety Pins (which is what I thought it was by then), Sam looked at me and says, "night night," and laid his head on my shoulders. Melt. My. Heart.

(I'm realizing how ADD this post is, but I'm just typing as I remember the cuteness.)

Earlier on Sunday, we had gotten back from church and eaten lunch. Justin and I were in our recliners with our feet up and Sam comes over to me and kisses my feet. I thought, "how sweet...and also kind of weird." But he isn't even two so it is mostly sweet. But then he keeps doing it. For like an hour, he would go play, then he'd run back and smile really big and kiss my toes. Then he did it to Justin. Over and over again, he'd come back to kiss our feet.

Needless to say, when it was time for his nap, I had a hard time putting him down. And when he cried, I went right back up there and got him and we took a nap together on my bed. For two sweet hours. And I don't regret it at all.

This morning, when he woke up, we went through our normal routine. Then he wanted to play so I pretended that he knocked me over and I fell into the floor. He comes up to me and says, "Up?" Then stuck out his hand and wanted to help me up. How sweet is that?! And he wouldn't give up until he "helped" me up. When I got up, he hugged my neck from behind...

Is there anything better out there?! Really? This last weekend was just fantastic. Happy Monday everyone!

The World is Better Now that Sam is in It

I truly believe this. More than I've ever believed anything.

You know why?
This is why...

And this...

And this...

You think he may like the slide?

Methinks he might...

And for all of you who judge me when I call him a bucket head...

Happy 20 months* Sam! We celebrated the day at the park with Papa and Grandma, then we came home and made cookies, watched Elmo, and ate said cookies.

*We would have done these same things had it not landed on his "20 month" birthday. That was just my way of remembering how old he was.

The Post and Pledge for Sam

Confession: I text and drive. At least, until yesterday I did.

But, I have decided today that I will never text and drive again. No big major event happened, other than my removal of my head from my ass. That would be a major event I guess.

For some reason, I started thinking about Sam driving yesterday. Why you ask? No idea. I guess I was making a mental list of things that would scare the be-jesus out of me. Sam driving qualifies as such an event.

And then I started thinking of how I would slap him around quite a bit if he were ever driving like a maniac, driving without his seat belt, or texting and driving.

Then I heard my phone bing bong. And I went to look at it. And I texted the person back.

Then I felt like a total jackass.

Why? I mean, he is not even 2 yet and I am already breaking the rules I want him to follow. sonofabitch...parenting fail.

I never want him to say, "Well mom, you do it!" So in order to be a good role model for my son (and live to see the day he drives), I will no longer be texting while driving. If it is important, my suggestion is for you to call me. Because I won't even be looking at the phone to see if it is important or not.

I will still answer the phone while on driving. To me, that's no more distracting that driving with a toddler in your car (which is sometimes like driving with a tiger in your car). So no problems there.

And now for things I find absolutely ADORABLE about Sam right now so he can grow up and say... "Mom, you were so crazy when I was a baby."

He is now at the age to give kisses when the mood strikes him. He also asks for hugs. Incidentally, he has momma and daddy are wrapped ever so tightly around his chubby little finger.

Example on this one that melted my heart: We were grocery shopping last weekend. I was waiting for someone to get out of the way of the cheese section and decided to hug Sam. I went to let go and he says, "Moooore!" and squeezed me tighter. This continued for about a full minute until he finally let me go so I could get the cheese. Justin is lucky we didn't leave the cheese aisle right then and go to they toy section and buy up every stinking toy that caught his eye. So precious.

He also is in this really cute sleeping pattern where he wants to lay on his "mumkey piyyow" (monkey pillow), hold his Elmo doll, and have his puppy sitting beside him. Oh yeah, and he likes to be covered up with the blanket.

Last night though, he found an old water bottle before he took his bath and insisted he bathe with it. After the bath, he wanted to play with it while he got lotioned and diapered. Then he wanted to sleep with it. His crib is crowded these days.

Also, he has a love for Elmo that runs deeper than the Atlantic and hotter than a thousand suns. At least 50 times a day, no exaggeration, he hands me the remote and says, "Elmo... elmo.... ELMO?"

His other big love right now? The babysitter's middle son, Jonah. OWE MUH GAWD. This morning he woke up and he said, in a very quiet voice, "momma? up?" then in the loudest morning voice I've ever heard from this child, he yells, "DOOONNNNAHHH!!!" I guess he was yelling loud enough for Jonah to hear him from Bryant. Who knows? But all the way to Susan's he called for Jonah and Susan, alternating when appropriate. If Jonah doesn't tell Sam "bye bye" before he goes to school, Sam will walk around the house calling for him for at least an hour. I'm trying to figure out how to have an "Elmo/Jonah" themed 2 year birthday party without being that creepy lady that needs to find a new babysitter. Ideas welcome.

We know his love for his dog Skipper is real and deep too. Its been like that for a while. We go on a family walk every night around the neighborhood. Now Sam wants to "walk" Skipper. Which means, while Sam sits comfortably in his stroller, he wants to hold Skipper's leash and let Skipper pull the stroller. He hangs on with both hands and concentrates really hard. It is so precious.

That's all for cuteisms of Sam. Until next time, goodnight and good luck.