The Great Yellow Thunder... AKA My Son

Let's set the scene. Some things you should know before reading this post.

1) When babies poop, it's funny. When MY baby poops it is HILARIOUS! All kids grunt a little bit when they poop. My baby... turns bright red, grunts really loud, kicks his legs out, and sometimes sticks out his tongue.

2) As of 2 hours a go, he hadn't pooped in 3 days. Think about how hard you have to work if you go that long.

3) Gena Girard was just complaining this morning that she had never seen Sam poop. Everyone else gets to see it and she doesn't.

Now for the story.

Gena came over for her normal Wednesday night dinner. Sam was particularly fussy and needed to be fed but I needed to cook. So Gena volunteers.

I am standing in the kitchen and I hear her say, "Oh yay, I think he's pooping!" He was. But this isn't the explosion. He let out a loud wet fart and big huge grunt and kicked out his legs. Then he calmed down to finish his bottle. Gena was going to change him after he finished and he only had about an ounce left.

I returned to the kitchen. And that's when it happened. I heard the LOUDEST grunt followed by a THUNDEROUS pooping sound. I immediately bust out in laughter. So does Gena and Justin...

Then Gena starts laughing and gagging... loudly on both accounts. I come back into the living room and she's holding up her hand which has my son's poop ALL OVER IT! Now I'm laughing so hard that I can't get my son off of her to clean up.

The gagging intensifies. My husband and my laughter follows. We are leaned on each other laughing hysterically... tears streaming down our faces... Gena... still covered in my son's poo and no one getting him off of her...

She finally says, through the laughter and tears and gagging, "GUYS! ITS UNDER MY FINGERNAILS!!!"

I finally am able to get Sam off of her so she can go to the bathroom... still laughing hysterically... and I start hearing violent gagging noises coming from the bathroom. I finally hear Gena calling for someone to the bathroom. Justin shows up and Gena has VOMITED ON HERSELF!

Justin and I are apparently going to hell because we laugh even harder (she's laughing too so don't judge too much). So now she has puke on her shirt, poo on her pants, and is still gagging...

Then I hear her call for me. I go to the bathroom and the amount of poo on her leg is AMAZING! Especially since I had just seen the obscene amount in his diaper... at this point I'm marveling at how much poop my son can contain (and by the way... that amount of poop stuck in a tiny body for that amount of time.. STINKS!!!). But she needs help getting herself cleaned up. So I took Gena duty... Justin took Sam duty.


Now Gena and I are both laughing and gagging together. I go and get her new pants to wear (which I'm so behind on laundry she has to wear maternity sweat pants) and she has to do laundry immediately.

Damage done? Let's make a list...

Poop on...
Gena's hand...
Gena's jeans...
the floor...
the exercise ball beside the chair she was sitting in...
the changing pad...
Sam's booty...
Sam's chest...
Sam's thighs...
Sam's arms...
(but none on his outfit...figure that out)

The night ended in Gena wearing a lot of my clothes and Sam with a bath.

Oh, and by the by... Justin was so busy cleaning up the carnage that I was left with a naked baby boy waiting on a bath... who peed on me while waiting.