Still I Rise

I'm back for the day at least. My apologies for being absent but my goodness doctoral classes are no joke. I had made a goal to blog over the weekends and schedule them to post through the week but... yeah I use all of the time to work on school. 

I'm writing today really for myself. Remember about a year or so ago when I wrote about The Death of An Abuser? 

Well my first abuser was arrested again last week for allegedly raping a 10 year old girl. 

It's been a shitstorm ever since. 

I can't speak about who he is or what he did really because his records were sealed and until they are unsealed, I can't say what he did. Which makes this case really hard for me. 

The day I found out he had been arrested again, I cried. A lot. A talked to my counselor friend. And then I went the the gun range and pictured him as the silhouette and blew his brains out. 

That's how country folk do therapy. 

But it wasn't over there. He was able to adopt two daughters because his records of sexual abuse were sealed. I. Can't. Deal. 

Then I find out the media hasn't picked up this story. 

Alright guys, I'm from Northwest Arkansas. The Greenwood Mayor's wife got bitten by a dog and it was the headline story of the night. I know they should be running a rape of a little girl. 

So I slip a little deeper into my depression and anger. 

Then I find out the fucker is out of jail and is BACK HOME WITH THE GIRLS! 

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH OUR SOCIETY?!

Our society holds drug users and dealers more accountable than sexual predators. 

Um news flash... THE SEXUAL PREDATORS ARE WORSE!!! 

What is going on? 

So last night I cried on the way home to get my child. Then I cried when I got home. Then I cried in the bathtub as I read the deplorable comments on the newstory. Then I ate. 

I rarely cry when I eat thank God. 

Then people started to call and check on me. 

And I cried some more. I literally fell asleep crying last night. I am 30 freaking years old and I never knew that you could actually cry yourself to sleep. 

But Still I Rise... 

I got this tattoo in honor of my mother, my sister, and myself. The orange ribbon is for leukemia and the blue around it is for sexual assault. 

I refuse to let this keep me down. I was down last night. I still had fight but I was down. But today is a new day. 

If you have been a victim of a sexual crime, please come forward and at least talk to someone about it. It is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. They did. They wronged you. You matter. You are beautiful. And you have no reason to deal with this alone. 

www.safehelpline.org

Resolutions 2014 Revisited and 2015 Stated

Alright... here it goes...

Resolution 2014 Update:

1) Have over 200 followers by the end of 2014. On the blog, not in real life. That's stalking. 

If you add together all the venues for following, then yes. Accomplished. 

2) Stop drinking diet sodas. 

Epic fail. I don't even know how long I lasted. Until I read this just now I didn't even realize this was a goal of mine last year. But it is again this year and I'm three days strong. Woo fucking hoo. 
3) Keep my weight in or below the 130s. 

Check. Two years in a row. 
4) Be a better wife. 

I'll let Justin be the judge of this. Epic win in some areas and epic fail in others. 
5) This one is a lofty goal, but I want to do at least one paid speaking engagement this year. 

Sad to say but this was a fail. Mainly for lack of effort but I was well on my way and then decided to go back to school for my doctorate. Anything I had cooking at that point was put on the back burner. I did do several unpaid speaking engagements. Does that count? 

No? 

Fine then. 
6) Complete Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

yeah no. That didn't happen. 


7) Facebook check in the morning and at lunch during work days. 

I'm seriously so freaking funny. You know how I know?! Checking Facebook all the time for the comments on my epic funny shit! 
8) Pray/read Bible every day. 

Pray? Yes. Read? Notsomuch. 

9) Going with #8, get up at 5 am every week day.

*Crickets*
10) Budget every month! 

Also no. Last year was the year from hell though. Most of it was back and forth to St. Louis and caring for Pat. The rest of it was reeling from losing her and dealing with the aftermath. So no...  budget lost out there. We still managed to save some and keep up with bills so I still call it a win. 

Okay, so that is about a 4 overall. Not as good as last year. 

Next up, resolutions for 2015:

1) Actually quit drinking diet sodas. 

Seriously, where was I last year? I'm doing it this year though. I'm down to coffee, water, and tea basically. 

2) Keep the weight down in 130s or below. 

I just feel so much better at this weight. 

3) Maintain an average of at least 5000 steps a day (according to my phone pedometer)

I thought I was walking a lot with 3000 steps a day. And then I utilized good old trusty google and realized... not so much. 

4) Be a better wife. 

I'm not sure this will ever make it off of my list. 

5) Complete 18 hours of doctoral classes. 

That's two in the spring, two in the summer, and two in the fall. Lawdy. 

6) Get up at 5 am on work days and 6 am on weekends. 

Yes, epic fail last year. I did well until the summer. And then it went to pot quickly. With Justin out of town most of the summer I had less to get ready and then I got out of the habit and then August happened and I don't think I ever got my groove back. 

7) Never let my leg hair get long enough to braid. 

I'm a feminist and everything. But I have my limits. 

8) Trust God's timing. 

This is a biggie for me. I'm like a kid in a candy store sometimes and I can't wait in line to get the goodies! I need to calm the elf down and learn how to wait. 

9) Focus on what I can change. 

Being the control freak that I am, it is hard to see something that needs to be fixed or worked on but be met with opposition and negativity. I'm a "doer" but it leads to so much frustration in areas that are not in my control at all. I need to let it go. 

10) Don't lose my shit on a kindergarten teacher and/or administration. 

My kid is going to go to school this year. Lord help us all. 

Your turn! What are your resolutions? Comment or link me to your resolutions :-)