Things I've Learned from My Son: How to Wake Up in a Good Mood

Adults are constantly complaining about waking up on the wrong side of the bed... or not getting enough exercise.... or not having enough energy...

Enough is enough! I have found the solution and all it took was a giddy little two year old to show me the way.

When Sam gets up in the morning, he wakes up, stands up, and immediately starts jumping on the bed.

He jumps on the bed and giggles until he is good and ready to stop (normally when I offer him candy if he goes pee pee in the potty.... which is another great idea for adults to adopt!)

So it got me thinking... what a wonderful way to start the day! If adults would just wake up in the morning, shut the alarm off, then promptly start jumping on the bed... we'd all be in a much better mood going to work. Almost nothing can go wrong when you've started your day jumping on the bed.

Admittedly, this is a picture of me several years ago jumping on the bed... but you get the picture. 

So I challenge you, tomorrow, when you wake up, start your day with a few jumps on the bed. I did... and I feel great! Justin is pretty irritated though. I wanted him to join but he seemed pretty intent on screaming and looking confused.*

*Okay that didn't happen. But it would have had I decided to jump on the bed this morning. Justin is pretty opinionated and violent in regards to sleepy time.

Secretly Filmed for a Fat Commercial and Allergy Testing in One Day

The first story has NOTHING to do with the second except it was a prophetic splendid way to start the day.

Let me set the scene for you. Remember this commercial?



Yeah... that one. I'm pretty sure I'll be on the next installment.

I got up yesterday morning and got dressed. This included putting on a belt.

In my defense, I put on a belt that is at least 9 years old and I have only used two notches the entire time of me owning the belt. But I digress.

Sam and I go get lunch at Burger King yesterday because that is one place where he can eat both the chicken nuggets and fries. Party in the king's palace. Rah freaking rah.

So I order, pay, and then wait for our food. As soon as the lady hands me my sack of food, I hear a *POP* and suddenly my pants are much looser than they were previously.

Well sonofamountaingoat... that's unfortunate.

After sitting down, I did some investigating and MY BELT HAS RIPPED IN HALF.

In... half. It has not come apart at the buckle... the belt has RIPPED in HALF!

WATCH OUT! IMMA GONNA EAT CHA!

I've never felt prettier in my life. And I know, I know, the belt was worn... blah blah blah... but there is a little something to be said for it ripping in half as the scared lady nice lady hands me my fresh bag of whale blubber and badonkadonk butt.

On to the allergy testing portion of the day...

According to this test, he isn't allergic to anything but mold and dust.

Bull butter.

And then I found out the first round of testing didn't even include almonds or bananas. So... what am I here for?!

So she redoes the test to include dairy (again), almonds, and bananas.

All negative. This must be a test in self control.

So I start to ask my questions...

1)      So he can have dairy, almonds, and bananas?

Answer: No. He is obviously having a reaction to them.

2)      So what is the difference in that reaction versus the allergies you tested for?

Answer: He just has an intolerance to those things.

3)      So what is the difference between an allergy and an intolerance?

Answer: To you there isn’t. To us there is. He isn’t having a reaction to our test but he is having a reaction to the actual food. This means he will likely grow out of it, but it isn’t an allergy.

Well I’m obviously not going to get anywhere with her. She offered a blood test referral but at this point I don’t know what that is going to do. And she is certainly not the woman with answers.

So after we left and I vented my frustrations to the lovely Susan Mack, I promptly went to Chenal Family Practice (seriously THE BEST family practice/allergy clinic EVER). My girls in the allergy clinic (Amber and Robin… for reals they are awesome) took a look at the results and they were very polite, but basically said that they are not favorable to that type of testing for a reason and that they understood my frustration. They also buttered Sam up pretty well with some gummies and jell-o… but that’s just more about their awesomeness isn’t it?

Anyway, they asked the doctor there who has lots of experience in the allergy field what he thought and he basically said, there is a reason they don’t do that testing in his clinic… it just isn’t that accurate. Some kids respond very well… others do not and Sam just happens to be a kid that does not. He verified that yes, in fact, there is something wrong with the way Sam reacts to the almonds and the dairy and that he would still continue to avoid those things the way we are now. Even if we did re-test or get a blood test, the results could change 6 months from now and that’s a lot to put a child through. So, in essence, keep doing what your doing and don’t let the bum allergy test get you down. That’s why I love you Dr. K! Keep it real!

So… after allergy testing I’ve learned:

1)      Sam is allergic to molds and dusts (who isn’t?)

2)      He is not allergic to dairy, banana, or almond. Except that he is. So don’t feed it to him.

3)      After a long day of frustrating and pointless testing and my whale blubber busting belts, I can be a little irritable (sorry Justin… luvs ya!)

Muh Baybee Eez TWO!!!

It is official. He can't stay a baby forever. UGH

I say all of that but I just want the best of both worlds. I love watching him grow up and learn new things and all that jazz... like I live for it. But at the same time, I know I'm going to turn around one day and think, "Where is that kid who used to poop in the floor? Or bite his dad in the danglers?"

At least I have this blog, to publicly record the humiliating (and super funny and adorable) things he does.

So Happy Birthday Sam! Here is a list of stuff you are currently doing that either cracks my stuff up or makes my heart melt into a warm little puddle of awe.

1. I love your singing! You will sing along with me, the radio, you'll make up stuff to sing about. It is so cute!

2. You also dance a lot. It general it involves a "strut" where you drag one leg behind you... kind of to the beat of the music. There is the one I call "backing it up" (my favorite) where you bob and scoot backwards but with your butt aimed at someone. There is the "spread my legs as far as I can and rock back and forth one". This is normally your dance of choice.

3. You also just break out into random "walks" sometimes. Like, suddenly, out of nowhere, you just start "creeping up on" someone, with your hands set deviously in front of you. You also try to walk like a thug sometimes too, with one shoulder dropped like you'll bust a cap if I don't get you your "chokit milk" to you pronto!

4. Dear heavens you talk a lot. And words I didn't know you knew! And some that I really wish you didn't know but can't blame you for knowing because they came out of my potty mouth to begin with. But you are all the time coming up to me telling me Skipper pee peed in the house and needs to go to his kennel. It goes something like this:

Sam: "Kipper pee pee."
Me: "Skipper pee peed?"
Sam: nods head "Pee pee house."
Me: "He pee peed in the house?"
Sam: "Bad! Chennel!" And then starts swatting at the dog or dragging him by his collar. Poor dog. He had no idea this would be his "rescue."

5. You call people on the phone. Ok not people. You call grandma on the phone. Always grandma.

6. You put everything in time out. You try to put momma and daddy in the corner. But things I've found in "time out" (or have been delayed for because they were in time out and weren't finished): toys, cups, stuffed animals, and shoes. All facing the wall. All getting yelled at by Sam.

7. You refer to yourself in the third person  A LOT. "Tickle Sam?" "Sam eat." "Sam play outside."

8. Your favorite gross little boy thing to talk about is boogers. You'll stick your finger up your nose, giggle, and say "Sam boogers!" Or in your ear and say, "Ear boogers!" If we want you to smile for a picture, we say, "Grandma has boogers!" Grandma loves that.

9. Over this Christmas break, you got accustomed to taking naps with momma. You would lay on "daddy's piyyow" and I'd lay on mine. Friends would be playing on the tv. You'd watch and lay really still. You'd ask for my hand so we could hold hands and fall asleep. Please stay this sweet forever.?! Please.

10. You are getting phrases down well! My favorite is at night time, we say, "Night night, Sam." And you say, "Nigh nigh momma" or "nigh nigh daddy". We will then say, "I love you much!" and you'll say, "Yub you much". You also ask every night for your "pretty light" to be turned on (a light your daddy bought you on a conference in Minnesota. It is a fiber optic thing and it is blue.). Every night before we pray, I ask you what you want to pray about. You normally say, "Jesus" or "puppy" or "Susu" or "grandma" or "momma" or "daddy" or "lights" or "candy." Sometimes any combination. I love it though. And we always pray for whatever you want to, then what momma wants to (for good measure).

11. You currently think that if we turn into a McDonalds/gas station combo, we must be getting chicken. Because this is what I hear from the back seat, "YAY! CHICKEN! YAY!" This is proof that you remember things that you really want to because this may have happened twice in your entire life time. Every other time I've pulled into one of these things, it is for gas. Stinker. 

Words cannot express our love you. Even when you are yelling your distaste at us for putting you in time out (and subsequently trying to scoot out of time out) (this drives me absolutely bonkers by the way), we are still just crazily overwhelmed with our love for you. You are so smart and funny and constantly doing new things to amaze us.

Here's to another year of "What did he just say?" and "No Sam! Stop ___________!" We love you!

*Edit to add other things awesome that I omitted from the first.

12. When it is time to go to bed, I'll say, "Ok Sam, tell daddy night night." Then he'll say, "No! Rock!" He loves to rock... especially if it means he doesn't have to go to bed.

13. He has to take one shoe off in the car. Has too. I'm not sure why. If he doesn't feel like he's getting adequate attention in the back seat, he'll throw that shoe at you in the front seat. People think I'm crazy, but this kid has an ARM and an AIM! **crosses finger and chants "baseball! baseball!"**

Overdue Update on Sam Through Pictures and Captions

Why don't YOU have noodles on your head?! 

 This is my dog Skipper. We are best friends.

 See. He agrees.

 We love each other.

 He loves me more than oxygen.

 Mom won't buy me a pony. Skipper is the sub.

 Chubbiest. Tigger. Ever.

 He had just said that Grandma has boogers. He is so funny.

 He insisted Tigger needed his reindeer hat.

 All is well with the world now. Also, daddy has boogers.

Ok, this one deserves more explanation than a caption. Sam is pressing the Elvis guitar ornament that sings "Santa Bring my Baby Back to Me." Sam hits this approximately 479 times a day. Then he dances around like an idiot until just before the song ends. When he hears the song about to end, he runs over and presses it again so there is never ending Elvis Christmas music in my house. It's a good thing he's cute and whiskey is expensive.

Political Post Riddled with Sarcasm and Anger

Although, I don't need to post any of that because I feel like this ad speaks for itself:



Oh. My. Gosh. Really?

I know that there are people out there that believe gays are going to hell and all that jazz. That's not really my point here.

But, Rick, it was 1962 when the ban on prayer came into play. That was not Obama's doing. I know in Texas it isn't appropriate to learn what actually happened in history, but c'mon! You were actually in school when prayer was banned!

But I guess we don't need to be reminded of "crap Perry doesn't get" do we? Oh no, we do. (start at 1:35)



Back to the original video:

War on religion?! A good heaven's. If anything, Obama is the closest president we have ever had to expressing the love of Christ and not touting his own biases, prejudices, or just simple discomforts as a reason to spread hate in the name of Jesus.

How dare you imply that Obama has somehow defamed our religion...

You don't like his policies? Fine. Attack them.

You don't like his way of creating jobs? Fine. Attack that.

But to just slander him for no other reason than to win a stinking campaign while dragging your precious Savior through the mud... that is just tacky.

And I am just sick and tired of this, "Our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas." Horse shit. They can too. It is what your FOREFATHERS that you speak of so fondly called religious freedom.

Happy Holidays is not an attack on Christmas or Christianity. It is an expression to spread holiday cheer. Some feel like holiday cheer reminds them of being loved.

Wait? What's that? Christ IS love... I don't see the problem.

And even if there was a problem, how did everyone pin "happy holidays" on Obama?! That is absurd! He says Merry Christmas. He also says Happy Holidays. It is a diverse vocabulary, I know. 

And while I'm on it, for all of you who believe that Obama has named the Christmas trees in the White House "Holiday Trees"...that is a completely untrue statement. They are Christmas trees. They even have ornaments on them that have little baby Jesus on them?! If you want to research what president was closest to doing such a thing, that would be Captain Christian George Bush. Look it up.

What? A Muslim with baby Jesus on his tree? He must be the Anti-Christ!

Oh wait... he's Methodist. And not even close to the anti-christ.

War on religion?! Ricky Perry seriously disgusts me.

Am I liberal? Yes. Do I believe in equal rights? Yes. Am I a happily married Christian woman? Yes.

Again... if you want to fight him on his policies or agenda... go for it. But please stop dragging my precious Jesus's name through the mud for your campaign. It is disgusting.

And note: On your campaign page on youtube, on your ad, you have about 3,500 likes and over 160,000 dislikes. Take a hint. Jesus doesn't hate.